10 habits of genuinely charming people
1. They willingly show a little vulnerability.
Charming people don’t try to win any unstated competitions with people they meet. In fact, they actively try to lose. They’re complimentary. They’re impressed. They’re even willing to admit a weakness or a failure.
It’s really easy. Say you meet a would-be Donald Trump and he says, “I just closed a fabulous deal to build the world’s best golf course on the most amazing oceanfront property on the planet.”
Don’t try to win. Instead say, “That’s awesome. I’m jealous. I’ve wanted to build a small recreation facility for years, but can’t line up the financing. How did you pull off such a huge deal?”
Charming people are confident enough to be unafraid to show a little vulnerability.
2. They show they’re genuinely glad to meet you.
They maintain eye contact. They smile when you smile. They frown when you frown. They nod your head when you nod. In simple, nonverbal ways, they mimic your behavior — not slavishly, but because they’re focused on what you’re saying.
3. They search for agreement instead of contradiction.
Unfortunately going contrary is an easy habit to fall into. It’s easy to automatically look for points of disagreement rather than agreement. It’s easy to automatically take a different side.
And it’s easy to end up in what feels like an argument.
4. They (selectively) use the power of touch.
Nonsexual touch can be incredibly powerful. (I’m aware that sexual touch can be powerful too, thanks.) Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly, and can even help you make a sale.
For example, in one experiment the participants tried to convey twelve different emotions by touching another blindfolded participant on the forearm. The rate of accuracy for perceiving emotions like fear, anger, gratitude, sympathy, love, and disgust ranged from 43% to 83% — without a word being spoken.
Say you’re congratulating someone; shaking hands or (possibly better yet, depending on the situation) patting them gently on the shoulder or upper arm can help reinforce the sincerity of your words.
5. They often dine out on their foibles.
And they’re also not afraid to look a little silly.
And oddly enough, people tend to respect them more for that — not less.
When you genuinely own your foibles, people don’t laugh at you. They laugh with you. And they realize it’s OK to let down their own guards and meet you at a genuine level.
6. They’re masters of social Jiu-Jitsu.
Some people have a knack for getting you to talk openly yourself. They ask open-ended questions. They sincerely want to know what you think, and that makes you open up to a surprising degree.
And you like them for making you feel that way.
As soon as you learn something about someone, ask why they do it. Or how. Or what they like about it, or what they’ve learned from it.
7. They always pass the “server test.”
(You know how you go out to eat with someone and they’re nice to you… yet dismissive of the server? That’s the server test.)
8. They’re great with names.
Charming people remember names and even small details, often to a surprising degree. The fact they remember instantly makes us feel a little better about ourselves — that means we, even in a small way, we matter.
And that makes us feel better about the person who remembers us.
Yet even though charming people remember names…
9. They never name drop.
I have a friend who can somehow squeeze the fact he once met Jeff Gordon into almost any conversation. “I’m planning to stain my deck this weekend,” I’ll say.
Charming people may know cool people… but they don’t talk about it. And that only adds to their charm.
10. They always let you talk more.
From:
http://www.businessinsider.com/habits-of-genuinely-charming-people-2015-4
Read more: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/10-habits-genuinely-charming-people-jeff-haden#ixzz3dIW3i1WF
