Simply to sleep better

10 tips that will make everybody sleep better

 

It’s estimated that an average 80 year old man sleeps 25 years, just under one third of his life. There is no satisfying answer to why the human organism needs to disconnect from reality during sleep, but one thing’s for sure: it’s one of the most important stages of our lives, often neglected, and responsable directly for your quality of life. Many people still don’t understand and appreciate the benefits of sleeping and ignore the hazards of losing sleep.

DO THE SAME SLEEP RITUAL EVERY TIME.

There is still much left to understand about the human brain, but scientists pointed out that it prefers working after the same general scheme. Any significant change in the scenario turns into a minor brain alarm that sends out stress signals throughout the body, possibly leading to sleep difficulty . Do the same thing on weekends too.

GO TO SLEEP AND WAKE UP AT APPROXIMATELY THE SAME TIME

Of course, the odds are life will put out obstacles in your way and it won’t allow you to stick to your program on some days. The point is not to lose your balance and keep going with your waking hour. Also, when you go to bed, don’t try to force yourself to sleep.

MAKE THE RIGHT CONDITIONS IN THE BEDROOM.

Each of us have our own preferences when it comes to our room. If your a very tidy person having a cluttered room may be keeping you from going to sleep, despite the fact that you may not even realize this. But for most people, having your room clean and tidy is not a must. The colour  of your walls does have a big impact on you. While having a bright orange will help your creativity, it won’t be so good when trying to sleep, so you really should use some soothing colours such as a light blue or sage green. Your bedroom should be anything but hot, and it should also be quiet and dark. Your bed and pillow should be very comfortable and large enough for you. Also, according to some recent studies, if you do errands on the bed (such as writing or studying), your brain associates it with something else than rest, and you may have problems going to sleep. The room has to be ventilated properly.

DON’T IGNORE THE MORNING ROUTINE.

DON’T EAT OR DRINK LARGE AMOUNTS BEFORE SLEEPING.

GIVE UP UNHEALTHY HABITS.

Drinking coffee or soda or alcoholic beverages. ; and  smoking…

EXERCISE.

Exercising does wonders for you in a whole number of ways,  have to be careful not to exercise for three hours (some say six hours) before going to bed, otherwise it could mess with your body.

SHORT NAPS ARE GOOD, LONG ONES ARE NOT.

USE PILLS ONLY AS A LAST RESORT.

Unfortunately, it’s getting easier and easier to get some sleeping pills, and many people abuse that. If you find it hard to sleep, you first need to think positive, and don’t get the ‘I have insomnia’ idea in your head, because it will be hard to take out from there. If you can’t sleep for more than half an hour, you become pretty stressed about not being able to sleep so it’s better if you do something relaxing, read or listen to some calm music. Think positive thoughts; you’ve worked for a whole day and still have energy and can’t go to sleep, I’ll just compensate tomorrow and stick to a schedule.

LET GO OF YOUR STRESS AND WORRIES.

I have my own ritual: almost everytime I go to sleep, I ponder of the day that has passed, with the good and the bad, thinking what I could have done differently, understand how I can do better, but I don’t let it affect me.

I can’t stress the issue of proper sleep enough, but hopefully by now, you’re beginning to understand just what a big mistake neglecting it is and the major consequences it can have. Just following these small steps can have a huge benefic impact on you, and they require a minimum of effort, if any at all.

The 6 hats thinkers

The Managerial Blue Hat Thinker

An effective problem solver has to have a means of managing and directing their thought process in a proactive way. Likewise, they must have a way of processing and guiding each of their thoughts in a neutral and unbiased manner that’s focused on improving the effectiveness and efficiency of the process.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the Blue Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a blue hat thinker, concluding a set of questions that will help you to think more managerially about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the blue hat is the Movie Director.

A movie director manages actors, cameramen, shooting angles, props, scripts and other factors that are critical to creating a successful blockbuster movie experience.

In exactly the same way a blue hat manages the thinking process allowing for better synergy between the thought patterns and habits of the other thinking hats.

Let’s take a look at some of the blue hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Think about Thinking

The primary role of the blue hat is to think about the process of thinking.

Every thought that it has is focused on improving the efficiency and effectiveness of the thinking process that filters through the other five hats. The smoother, faster and more proficient this process becomes, the greater the possibility that an effective solution to the problem can be found.

Define the Problem

The blue hat must clearly define the problem under question in writing. If you fail to define the problem clearly and meticulously, then you will waste precious time directing your energies on irrelevant thoughts and activities that only lead to dead-ends and promises of better answers.

Gather Global Perspective About Problem and Solution

The blue hat is very much removed from the problem and its associated solutions. It rather sits back and plays the role of a court judge, who oversees the facts, arguments and opinions of every hat from a global perspective. It then uses these insights to decide on a suitable plan of action that will help nullify this problem and set the course for a brighter destination.

Manage Other Hats

The blue hat plays the part of a manager looking after the subordinates under its care. Within this role, the blue hat helps to improve the flow of communication between all the hats, thereby encouraging better insights and ideas that will bring about ideal solutions to the problem at hand.

Manage Time

The blue hat understands the importance of time and how critical it is to the effective management of the problem solving process. As a result the blue hat plays the role of the timekeeper, by allocating specific chunks of time to the other hats and to specific topics that are necessary to bring about effective solutions to the problem at hand.

The blue hat is consciously aware at all times that time is precious and should be spent wisely on areas that will bring about the highest thinking returns to help overcome a problem successfully.

Manage Flow of Ideas

The blue hat’s role is to manage the flow of ideas between the hats with the greatest of efficiency.

The blue hat must successfully piece together all of these scattered thoughts and grow them into something that will bring about an ideal solution to the problem at hand.

Each thinking hat has a set of unique ideas, approaches and perspectives. The blue hat must merge these unique thoughts in a constructive way, otherwise the thought process will stumble and stagnate in the face of adversity.

Manage Implementation of Ideas

Unique and creative ideas are wonderful, however unless we find a means of integrating them into our physical reality, then we will simply fail to grasp the opportunities that are being presented before us. For this very reason, the blue hat’s final role is to manage the implementation of ideas by bringing them forth into the world in the most effective and efficient way.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the blue hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish. By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Improve Efficiency and Effectiveness of Thinking

The blue hat’s primary objective is to improve the efficiency and effectiveness of the thinking process. The better it is able to manage the thinking of the other hats, the more proficient it will become with identifying key ideas and insights that could be critical for the problem solving process.

Formulate Suitable Questions to Direct Thinking

The blue hat understands that asking the right kinds of questions of each thinking hat will lead to ideal answers and insightful solutions, thusly helping you overcome your problems more effectively.

The blue hat must be clever in its approach to questioning. It must thoroughly understand how to profoundly stimulate the thinking process of each thinking hat in a way that will expand the possibilities of reality, while minimizing the personal biases and limitations that each hat brings into the problem solving process.

To Determine Agenda, Rules, Goals and Tasks

One of the blue hat’s primary goals is to set an agenda for the thinking, to settle on the rules of the discussion, and to effectively set tasks and objectives that will persistently drive the thinking process forward towards an ideal solution to the problem at hand.

To Organize Ideas and Plans of Action

Finally the blue hat must collate all the ideas and thoughts brought forward by the other thinking hats, and formulate them together into an effective plan of action that will put an end to the problem that is confronting your reality.

The more thoroughly it is able to piece together these dispersed thoughts and ideas, the more ammunition it will have to bring these plans to fruition.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a blue hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a blue hat thinker.

What problem am I facing?

How can I best define this problem?

What is my goal and outcome?

What do I seek to achieve by solving this problem?

What is the most effective method of proceeding from this position?

How can I best organize and arrange my thinking to help move me beyond my present circumstances?


The Neutral White Hat Thinker

 

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An effective problem solver has to have a means of collecting, collating, organizing and presenting information in a neutral and unbiased way. Likewise they must have a method of reaching effective logical solutions based on the hard facts and data they have collected.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the White Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a white hat thinker, concluding with a set of questions that will help you to think more neutrally about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the white hat is The Detective.

A detective searches for clues, for evidence and for facts that will help them to effectively solve the case they are working on. They thoroughly understand that a piece of evidence may not be all it seems on the surface. Hence they are neutral and don’t jump to quick conclusions before all the facts and pieces of evidence have been put into their proper perspective.

In exactly the same way a white hat collects facts, stats and data that help it piece together the information it needs to reach logical fact-based solutions to the problems confronting your reality.

Let’s take a look at some of the white hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Symbolic Roles

The primary role of the white hat is to objectively collate and present facts, stats, data and information in a way that will enable the other thinking hats to expand their thinking and awareness about the problem under question.

Roles Must Avoid

Throughout the thinking process the white hat must at all costs avoid making conclusions or judgments about the information it is collecting and presenting.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the white hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish. By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Exposition of Stats and Facts

The white hat’s primary objective is to collect and collate relevant facts, stats, pieces of information and data about the problem that will help open new avenues to potential solutions.

These facts are based on questions that are focused on the What? Where? When? and How?

Seeking Facts over Opinions and Beliefs

The white hat seeks facts over everything else.

In the realm of white hat thinking there are no beliefs or opinions, there are just solid concrete facts and evidence that unveils the problem in all its glory.

Bringing to Light Gaps in Knowledge

Through its exposition of key facts, the white hat often unlocks important pieces of information and gaps in our knowledge about the problem and the possible solutions that may lie ahead as we work towards our desired outcomes.

Bringing Forth Possible Logical Solutions

Based on the facts, stats, information and data that the white hat has collected, its objective is now to bring forth a set of logical neutral solutions that will help stimulate the thinking processes of the other hats.

This concrete information will now become the basis for the reflective thinking that is about to take place.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a white hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a white hat thinker.

Please note: that the first two questions are based on the facts, stats and data that you already have on hand.

What do I know about this problem?

What don’t I know about this problem?

What can I learn from this problem?

What more would I like to learn about this problem?

How will I go about acquiring the facts, stats and data that will help me resolve this problem?

What potential solutions exist based on the facts, stats and data that I have collected?


The Intuitive Red Hat Thinker

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An effective problem solver has to have a means of intuitively making sense of the problems confronting their everyday reality, including an awareness of the possible solutions that could lead them down the path of unbridled opportunity. Moreover they must have a way of effectively filtering out any preconceived biases that may sway their intuitive feelings and opinions.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the Red Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a red hat thinker, concluding with a set of questions that will help you to think more intuitively about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the red hat is The Heart.

A heart is a very intuitive organ that senses subtle changes in feeling and emotion when circumstances present themselves.

In exactly the same way a red hat brings forward its intuitive feelings and emotions to help guide and provide direction to possible solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at some of the red hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Symbolic Roles

The primary role of the red hat is to emotionally and intuitively present effective solutions and direction for further action, based on its personal feelings and hunches.

Roles Must Avoid

Throughout the thinking process the red hat must at all costs avoid rationalizing or trying to justify its feelings about the solutions it is bringing to mind.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the red hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish both directly and indirectly. The indirect objectives must be identified by the other thinking hats via the red hat’s subtle unconscious tendencies.

By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Seeks Intuitive Proposals

The red hat’s primary objective is to intuitively bring to mind proposals and plans of action based on its personal feelings and hunches.

Our feelings are very interesting and somewhat mysterious chemical processes that stimulate mental activity within the brain. When they are pure and removed from personal emotions and biases, they can lead us in unexpected directions towards solutions we logically never considered were possible.

Seeks Other People’s Feelings

The red hat is very open-minded and seeks to identify and clarify other people’s feelings — relating intuitively to the problem at hand. They fully understand that when someone is completely removed from the problem, that they are likely to bring to mind ideas and suggestions that would normally cloud their everyday judgment and awareness.

Seeks Emotional Point-of-View

The red hat often seeks an emotional understanding of the problem, and therefore brings to mind solutions based on their personal unconscious emotional tendencies.

It’s very important for the other thinking hats to recognize this, as it unveils certain personal biases, hidden emotions, and reactions that may effectively sabotage the problem solving process.

Unveils Hidden Strengths of Ideas

Sometimes ideas and potential solutions to your problems may seem weak and somewhat impractical at first. However, if the red hat intuitively brings to mind a plan of action that it feels must be followed, this naturally draws the other hat’s attention and energy in a new direction that could potentially hold hidden strengths and opportunities not evident on the surface.

By giving this new idea its deserved attention, you are now expanding possibilities that you may never have considered before.

Unveils Hidden Weaknesses

The red hat’s intuitive feelings may also unveil hidden weaknesses in ideas, in people, and in yourself.

For instance, if the red hat intuitively supports an unpopular solution, then this effectively raises a red flag, and forces the other hats to think differently about the potential ideas laid out on the table.

All this brings to question that maybe some solutions aren’t as clearcut as they seem? Or maybe better contingency plans need to be set in place?

Another important point to consider is that the red hat’s intuitive feelings may in fact bring to mind personal weaknesses in terms of skills and knowledge that you may need to develop within yourself in order to deal with this problem more effectively.

For instance, if the red hat’s feelings are pointing away from a popular solution, then this could very well indicate that you don’t have enough resources, or you simply lack some sort of understanding to fully make this solution work for you.

Unveils Hidden Internal Conflicts

The red hat is as human as all the other thinking hats. Its natural tendencies and decisions may therefore indirectly reveal subtle internal conflicts that boil up within its psyche. These conflicts can affect the red hat’s hunches and could essentially lead to biased feedback that may sabotage the problem solving process.

It is of primary importance that the blue hat spots these tendencies and sets on a course of effective questioning tactics that will help the other hats bring these conflicts to the surface.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a red hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a red hat thinker.

What is my gut telling me about this solution?

What are my feelings telling me about the choice I am about to make?

Based on my feelings, is there a better way to go about this?

Intuitively, is this the right solution to this problem?


The Pessimistic Black Hat Thinker

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An effective problem solver has to have a means of proactively identifying the pitfalls, dangers and flaws of potential solutions. Moreover they must have a way of presenting this information in an unemotional and detached manner that isn’t riddled with preconceived ideas or biased opinions.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the Black Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a black hat thinker, concluding with a set of questions that will help you to think more realistically and critically about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the black hat is The Reaper.

A Reaper is a mythical creature who brings death and destruction to the living. Yet at the same time the Reaper is an unemotional entity displaying no fear or love to the contrary.

The Reaper isn’t necessarily good or evil, it just-is what it is. It’s nature is dark and gloomy, however as with everything in life, it has a purpose and plays a critical role in the cycle of life.

In exactly the same way a black hat is pessimistic and gloomy in nature, always seeking to pinpoint holes, flaws, weaknesses and dangers within ideas. It doesn’t do this to be spiteful or destructive, but rather to bring forth scenarios that will better help the other hats build suitable contingency plans for the possible problems that may lie ahead on the foggy road towards a solution.

Let’s take a look at some of the black hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Symbolic Roles

The primary role of the black ht is to evaluate, judge, caution and criticize the solutions and plans of action that have been brought to light by the other thinking hats.

Roles Must Avoid

Throughout the thinking process the black hat must at all costs avoid bringing to mind personal biases that are built upon fear, jealousy, anger and other negative emotions that may impede and magnify its critical analysis of the solutions to the problem at hand.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the black hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish.

By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Consideration of Possible Flaws and Dangers

The black hat’s primary direct purpose is to unveil all the possible flaws and dangers that could sabotage the goals and outcomes you are wanting to achieve.

Every solution you come up with may seem wonderful, soft, comforting and cozy on the surface. However, that is only its external appearance. The reality of the matter is that within its interior it could hold dark dangers and secrets that if left to unchecked may sabotage the solution you are searching for. And this is where the black hat excels and saves the day, by helping you see the fatal flaws of your potential actions before you jump headfirst into the pool filled with deadly sharks lurking under the calm waters.

Consideration of Inadequate Resources

Another important objective of the black hat is to bring to mind a plethora of resources that you simply do not yet have on hand.

These resources could be skills, knowledge, support or time.

If the solution you are aiming for requires key resources that you are sorely lacking, then the black hat will make you aware of these inadequacies.

Elimination of Weaknesses and Bad Ideas

The black hat’s primary indirect objective is to eliminate all weaknesses and ill-thought-through ideas. It does this indirectly through it’s pessimistic and critical nature.

Once these weaknesses have been brought to light, then the spotlight redirects itself onto the yellow hat, whose primary objective is to overcome these weaknesses with logical steps and suggestions.

Bringing to Light Inadequate Contingency Plans

The black hat’s final objective is to bring to mind inadequate contingency plans that seem full-proof from all other thinking hat perspectives.

The black hat constantly and persistently asks itself

How is this likely to fail?

The answers to this question sets the course for inspired yellow and green hat thinking.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a black hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a black hat thinker.

What is the fatal flaw within this idea?

What is the drawback to this way of thinking?

How many ways is this likely to fail?

What are the potential risks and consequences associated with this?

Do I have the necessary resources, skills and support to pull this off?


The Optimistic Yellow Hat Thinker

 

 

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An effective problem solver has to have a means of realistically analyzing problems and bringing to light optimistic ideas that will build momentum towards effective solutions and answers. Moreover they must help strengthen the spirit and resolve of the body and mind to persist despite the myriad of obstacles standing in its way.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the Yellow Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a yellow hat thinker, concluding with a set of questions that will help you to think more optimistically about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the yellow hat is The Sun.

A sun is bright, happy and powerful, helping to instill life into everything it touches.

In exactly the same way a yellow hat brings forth a positive, welcoming and radiant energy that breathes life into every idea.

The yellow hat seeks positive benefits through a logical means that enhances motivation and opens the doors to new opportunities and understandings.

Let’s take a look at some of the yellow hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Symbolic Roles

The primary role of the yellow hat is to realistically and optimistically move through the myriad of obstacles that stand in the way of reaching an effective solution.

The yellow hat sees no boundaries or limitations and wholeheartedly believes that if there is a means, then they will find a way — making the impossible, possible.

Roles Must Avoid

Throughout the thinking process the yellow hat must at all costs avoid pessimistic thoughts, and bringing to mind hopeful solutions based on hypothetical facts, feelings and opinions.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the yellow hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish.

By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Seeks Curious Benefits

The yellow hat is a curious creature who seeks benefits over everything else.

It sees a problem and brings to mind effective contingency plans and solutions that will help you overcome the challenges you face in the most effective and efficient way.

Seeks Probable Solutions that Lead to Opportunity

The yellow hat’s primary objective is to search for solutions that will lead to a greater array of opportunities to help you overcome your problems more effectively.

It wholeheartedly understands that within every problem there is an equivalent seed of opportunity that is waiting to be discovered. And it is from this perspective that it moves forward with optimism and renewed energy.

Seeks Positive Risk Assessment

The yellow hat logically understands that there are risks associated with every action that is aimed at a solution to your problem. It therefore realistically analyzes the risks associated with these actions and draws up an effective plan that will counteract, minimize and eliminate these risks altogether.

Seeks Feasibility of Ideas

Another primary objective of a yellow hat is to assess the feasibility of ideas based on the resources (skills, knowledge, time and support) you have available at any one moment in time.

It takes these resources into consideration and formulates ideas and a plan of action that will make best use of what you have, while minimizing the effect of what you are lacking within your arsenal.

Strengthen Spirit, Motivation and Resolve

The final objective of the yellow hat is to instill a sense of positive expectation that will move you through the obstacles and challenges you face with greater resolve, spirit, motivation and persistence, which are all critical components to your long-term success in any field of endeavor.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a yellow hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a yellow hat thinker.

How can I best approach this problem?

How can I logically and realistically make this work?

What positive outcomes could result from this action?

What are the long-term benefits of this action?


The Creative Green Hat Thinker

 

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An effective problem solver has to have a means of processing the problems confronting their reality in an open, flexible and unconstrained way. Moreover, they must encourage possibility thinking that bends the rules and expands reality in a way that is free from judgment and self-criticism.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the Green Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a green hat thinker, concluding with a set of questions that will help you to think more creatively about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the green hat is The Seedling.

A seedling sprouts from the ground and grows persistently — expanding its leaves and branches in many unexpected directions.

In exactly the same way a green hat instills an ever growing and expanding sense of unpredictability into the thought process.

The green hat isn’t controlled by rules or limitations. It knows and understands that it is free to think beyond the norms and boundaries of reality. As a result it brings forth a myriad of creative and mind-bending ideas that expand the possibilities and bring to light unique and seemingly unexpected solutions.

Let’s take a look at some of the green hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Symbolic Roles

The primary role of the green hat is to open the doors to unique, creative ideas and perspectives that will shatter the boundaries of reality and open new avenues of understanding about the problem at hand.

Roles Must Avoid

Throughout the thinking process the green hat must at all costs avoid criticizing or judging the ideas that it brings to mind.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the green hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish.

By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Expand Thinking and Awareness

The primary role of the green hat is to expand the possibilities of reality in surprising and unexpected ways beyond box-like thinking methods.

It seeks new strategies, tactics and ways of thinking about problems, and twists them in multi-dimensional directions that lead to new insights, answers and understandings about the problem and accompanying solutions that may not have been evident before.

Bend the Rules of Reality

The green hat isn’t constricted or constrained by the standard rules of thinking about a problem. It understands that rules are made to be broken, and so it goes out there with a complete disregard of the rules or guidelines — always thinking, expanding, analyzing, daydreaming and manifesting crazy and wacky ideas that may not initially make any logical sense at all.

It’s not the green hat’s responsibility to live in the logical world, which is what the other thinking hats do very well. It’s responsibility is rather within the realm of fantasy and free-flowing lateral thinking that breaks boundaries and looks beyond the veils of what is perceived within physical reality. And it is this method of thinking that brings to light the most improbable ideas that could very well turn your problems upside down.

Provide Creative Ideas and Solutions

The green hat uses a number of incredibly effective creative problem solving techniques and strategies that help to expand its awareness and understanding of the problems confronting your reality. These techniques bring forth unique ideas and solutions that challenge the other thinking hats in surprising and unpredictable ways — effectively forcing through new insights that may never have been considered before.

Instill New Perspectives

Finally, the green hat’s process of thinking presents the other hats with new perspectives and ways of looking at the problem — and its possible solutions. This successfully breaks down the boundaries of perspective and understanding of the challenges confronting your reality.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a green hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a green hat thinker.

What alternative possibilities could exist here?

Could this be done in another way?

How can I look at this problem from a unique perspective?

How can I think outside the box about this?

What if…?


How to Use the Six Thinking Hats

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Now that you have a clear and comprehensive understanding of the Six Thinking Hat problem solving thought process, it is important to briefly point out how these hats integrate and work together to formulate solutions and new ideas.

The managerial blue hat (Director) progressively allocates thinking time to each of the six hats including itself. Often the order of thinking would transition in the following way:

Blue Hat: Defines and outlines the problem under question and guides the other hats through the thinking process.

White Hat: Collects all the facts, data and statistics relevant to the problem. It will then use this information to reach a set of possible logical neutral solutions.

Red Hat: Intuitively reflects on the solutions and selects the best course of action based on its feelings and hunches.

Black Hat: Pessimistically and realistically confronts the solutions pinpointing holes, dangers, flaws and inadequacies in the proposed plans.

Yellow Hat: Looks beyond the black hat’s pessimism and brings to light logical optimistic ideas and plans of action that will help counteract these dangers.

Green Hat: Takes solutions and ideas brought forward by the yellow hat and enhances them in a creative, unique and original way that helps ensure that they succeed as planned.

Blue Hat: After all hats have had their say, the blue hat continues to circulate between the hats in a logical way. It may for instance focus its attention on the red hat for further intuitive insights based on the green hat’s creative ideas. Or it may ask the white hat to gather more facts and information about the dangers that the black hat brought to mind. After which it may ask the yellow hat to bring forth some logical positive solutions based on this new found knowledge and information.

No matter how the blue hat decides to synchronize the thinking process between the hats, it is important to remember that the blue hat is always seeking to obtain a global perspective and understanding of the problem — helping to bring to light the most ideal solution possible.

By being presently aware of this objective in your mind’s-eye, will help you to cycle through the Six Thinking Hats more effectively.


Final Thoughts

Six_Thinking_Hats

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Six Thinking Hats are a multi-dimensional tool that will dramatically improve the efficiency and effectiveness of your thinking methods.

Whether for problem solving, overcoming challenges, making better business decisions or thinking more effectively about your academic subjects, the Six Thinking Hats will help you find the solutions, answers and opportunities you need to keep you ahead of the game.

Now the choice is yours. You can either just leave your hats hanging there on the coat-hanger collecting dust, or you can consistently and persistently use them to improve the quality of your life.

Ways to Stay Productive When Working at Home

goals,parkinson,law,flexibilityHow do you stay productive when you are working at home by yourself? Although many people working from home enjoy the freedom and convenience, it is much easier to be lazy outside of a work environment.

The flexibility of working at home gives you the potential to be far more productive, but it can be a huge waste of time if you aren’t smart about it.
With running this blog and various other projects I usually end up working at least 20-30 hours per week at home. That means answering hundreds of weekly e-mails, writing at least 3000 words per day, in addition to networking, research and various support tasks. Less than some, but enough to keep me busy in addition to work and school.
Here are some strategies I’ve found effective for ensuring productivity when working at home. These apply whether you are working a paid job, freelancing, running a home business or you simply want to make headway on a personal project.

Build a Work Ethic –

Workplaces enforce discipline. Without a system of rules and supervisors breathing down your neck, you might find it hard to stick to your schedule. Make a mental note of your productivity and work ethic and set goals to improve it. If you only got 4 hours worth of work done yesterday, aim for 4.5 today.

Don’t Overestimate Your Productivity –

This is one of the lies people commit when they start working at home. You have eight hours to work, so you assume you will get eight hours of work done. Becoming really productive is possible, but it requires building a work-ethic. Start small and build up.

Don’t Count the Low-Value Tasks –

Determine what is most important and count that first. I’ve heard from home entrepreneurs that they work 10-12 hour days. But then I manage to see them making forum posts and lengthy e-mails. It makes you wonder what they consider work. Only count time from your extremely important and difficult tasks. Spending one hour writing a blog article or finishing several pages of my book is worth a dozen hours of answering e-mails.

Cut Out Distractions –

Put yourself in a vacuum. Shut down every distraction possible. I always keep my door shut and locked if possible and I don’t use the internet unless I need to research a quote or image. Twitter, chat, e-mail and RSS are also definite no’s. I can understand the appeal, but you can get work done twice as fast without multitasking which will save you a few minutes to use those programs later.

Start Early – Waking up early and start working right in the morning is a good idea. This doesn’t give you a chance to procrastinate. Plus it feels great to know you’ve finished eight hours of work at 2:00 or 3:00.

 

Know Thy Energy –

Know when you are feeling drained and tired. My rule is simple. When I notice that my energy is slumped and I’m barely keeping my lids open I go for another ten minutes (sometimes lethargy is just a creativity block). If that doesn’t fix it, I take a short 5-10 minute break. Finally if that doesn’t work a longer breather might be necessary.

 

Learn to Say No –

When you are working at home and have flexibility, this is the perfect opportunity for friends, family and associates to rip time away from you. Sometimes they will guilt you into doing things because, “they [unlike you] HAVE to work.” Be firm and don’t give them an inch. Don’t let people disrespect your time and learn to say, “No,” without an explanation.

Set Daily Goals –

I don’t schedule tasks that don’t need to be. But I do write down exactly what I want to have accomplished by the end of the day tomorrow. Setting daily goals keeps you from feeling you need to do everything by splitting your workload into a manageable chunk.

 

Use Parkinsons Law –

Parkinsons Law basically states that a task will expand to the time you give it. Crunch your workload by giving yourself only a few minutes to finish tasks where completion is more important than perfection.

 

Learn to Churn –

What happens when you get writers/programmers/designers block? Learn to churn out content. This means that once you run out of ideas, you tell yourself that your goal is volume not quality. Tell yourself that you will redo it later if it is too horrible. The truth is, usually the quality is decent and you get back to normal after a few minutes of churning.

 

Create a Professional Space –

Your environment should make you feel like working. If it doesn’t, it’s time to redecorate. It doesn’t need to be fancy, but if working at home only makes you feel like playing computer games, you need a change of scenery.

Set Work Hours –

Don’t confuse work with life. Set your working hours to maximize your productivity when working and to keep work where it belongs. I have frequently set vague limits on my work time which only served to make me an unproductive workaholic.
What’s Your MIT? –Always know what your Most Important Task is. Leo at ZenHabits recommends putting your MIT first so you won’t procrastinate. Even if the rest of the day is unproductive, your day was still valuable if you get that task done.

Have a Social Life –

Working from home often eliminates a lot of your social life. Join groups and activities like Toastmasters to meet people more easily and reclaim a social network that may have been entirely located in the office. Without people, your energy is shot. I’ve managed to work through some bouts of isolation, but I don’t consider it the ideal.

Vary Your Tasks –

If you went to the gym, could you just do pushups for an hour straight? Probably not. So if you are a writer or programmer, is your ideal method to write or code for ten hours straight? I like to split up different tasks throughout the day so I can use different mental “muscles.” This keeps me fresh and productive without the need for long breaks.

 

Boredom before Quitting –

When I don’t like any of the ideas I’ve saved up in my notepad to write about I frequently go through a period of doing nothing for five or ten minutes until I get a new idea. If this happens to you, resist the temptation to go online or do something else. Even if you could postpone your work hours, stick it through another ten or fifteen minutes.

Get Outside Perspectives –

When you are isolated, you can often get stuck in one perspective that makes it hard to solve problems. Build up a network (particularly online) of people you can contact when you hit a road-block. I know several people that I can bounce ideas off when my own solutions come short.

 

 

Give Yourself Overtime –

If you are really involved in a project, working an extra hour to finish a section before wrapping up for the day is fine. Compensate yourself the next day with a reduced workload so you don’t start letting your workday expand to fill all your waking moments.

 

 

The Extra 15 –

When you get stuck or feel a strong urge to quit, just commit to do an extra fifteen minutes of work. Usually this is enough to carry you out of the slump and move forward. If it isn’t then you probably need a break.

 

Utilize Your Flexibility –

Take advantage of your extra flexibility. This can mean making adjustments in your work schedule to take on new opportunities or fitting work around your life. When good opportunities come up, take them and commit to compensate later. This requires a bit more discipline, but it is one of the best advantages of working from home.

How to Finish Your Work, One Bite at a Time

“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”
If you’ve ever ran more than a few miles, you probably understand why you need to pace yourself. Runners that sprint at the start of a race will be exhausted far before they cross the finish line. The same principle applies when trying to get work done. One solution for pacing my work that I’ve found incredibly effective is maintaining weekly/daily to-do lists.
Weekly/Daily To-Do Lists
The principle behind the WD To-Do List method is simple:
At the end of the week, write a list containing everything you want to get accomplished.
At the end of the day, write a list containing what parts of that weekly list you want to be finished tomorrow.
After you finish your daily list, you stop. Don’t work on more projects or tasks. You have the rest of the day to relax. And after you finish the weekly list, you’re done for the week. This means if you finish by Friday afternoon, you don’t start work again until Monday morning.
Although this technique might sound obvious (and it is), there are some key advantages using a WD system has over the typical, Getting Things Done approach of keeping Next Action or project lists.
Why the Weekly/Daily To-Do List System Rocks:
After using this method for several months, I’ve found it beats the other systems in a few key places:
1) A WD system manages your energy.
The problem isn’t running out of time, it’s running out of energy. You may have 24 hours in the day, but many of those are taken away eating, sleeping and relaxing after a few hours of exhausting work. Any productivity system that doesn’t take this into account is broken.
A Weekly/Daily system, instead, blocks out your work into manageable chunks. Instead of trying to complete everything each day, I just complete my daily list. The same is true for the entire week. With a WD system you get a maximum amount of work done, while leaving yourself time to relax and enjoy selective unproductivity.
2) A WD system stops procrastination
Procrastination can happen when you see the mountain of work in front of you, and can’t visualize an easy finish. By splitting up your to-do list into daily lists, your elephant-sized projects can become bite-sized tasks.
3) A WD system makes you proactive
My system for a few years prior to implementing this method was to use a daily to-do list. Unfortunately, I found that this method made me lose sight of bigger tasks that weren’t urgent. When you already have ten items on your to-do list, adding an eleventh for the day doesn’t seem appealing.
But when you’re writing the weekly list, you’re in a different frame of mind. With six days to finish everything (assuming you take a day off), it is easier to put in those important, but non-urgent tasks.

 
4) A WD system keeps you from burning out
Earlier I wrote about how I accidentally overloaded my schedule last week. Using the Weekly/Daily system kept me from burning out or feeling stressed, even though I was dealing with 2-3x the workload. By automatically dividing up my work into a weekly total and daily increments, I could focus on the next bite, instead of the entire elephant.
How to Use a Weekly/Daily To-Do List
The heading for this section might seem pretty self-explanatory. Write out your weekly list and your daily lists, finish them, repeat. But after using this approach for a few months, there are a few nuances you might want to consider.

 
Focus on the Daily List
The point of the weekly list is to serve as the starting point for writing daily lists. After you’ve broken off the chunk you want to handle tomorrow, the other tasks in the week shouldn’t be on your mind. You can pretend they don’t exist, as if the only tasks in the world were the ones tomorrow.
This approach is an incredible stress-reliever. It’s easy to worry about how you’re going to finish everything. But when “everything” becomes seven or eight tasks tomorrow, it becomes easier to manage.
Don’t Expand the Lists
If you finish your daily or weekly list earlier than you expected, you might be tempted to expand. Why not add a few extra activities, you have the time, right?
This is a bad idea because it stops you from focusing on the daily list. As soon as you create the possibility for expansion, your “everything” goes from being the tasks to finish tomorrow, back to your infinite to-do list. Stress and procrastination soon follow.
Obviously, there will be times when you have to make adjustments. Last-minute tasks that need to be appended to your lists. But try to avoid expanding your lists just because you have free time.
Take on a Monthly Review
One area the WD system ignores is a monthly list. There are some projects and activities that may be too large/non-urgent that they might be skipped under the weekly list. Unfortunately, maintaining a monthly list is more effort than it is worth. It’s hard to predict all the small tasks you’ll need to accomplish a month ahead of time, so it stops becoming relevant to your weekly lists.
Instead I like to do a regular monthly review. In that review, I’ll pick out a few larger projects I want to finish that month. I can keep these in mind when I write my weekly lists.
A Weekly/Daily To-Do List isn’t complicated. Life doesn’t have to be complicated to work. Try using a WD system for a month. You can setup your lists with pencil and paper or go with my favorite tool, Ta-Da List. What do you have to lose?

Practical Tips for Solving Your Problems More Easily

TRY TO

 

  1. Accept the problem. This is the one you can  try to do first when I run into a problem and I use it almost every time. When you accept that the problem already exists and stop resisting then you also stop putting more energy into the problem and “feeding it”. Now it just exists (well, more or less, you might still feel a bit down about it). And you can use the energy you previously fed the problem with – the energy that probably made the problem look bigger than it was – to find creative solutions to the challenge.

 

  1. Ask yourself: what’s the worst that can happen? This is another one to do early on. You can easily to use your mind to blow problems all out of proportion. By asking this question you can restore the problem to it’s original size. And realize that the worst case scenario – if you actually define it – is perhaps not so pleasant but something you can handle and solve.

 

  1. Gather some good knowledge. Information about your problem can often decrease that uncertain anxiety and fear we face when we are challenged with something. Knowledge wisps away the clouds of fear around a problem. And we often find that the problem might not be as bad as we thought.

 

  1. Try to figure out possible problem along the way. This is something you can do before the problem even arises. Be prepared. When you research – as described in point # 3 – also try to find out what others in the same situation ran into, what kind of challenges they faced. Ask people what they did. If you don’t have anyone to ask then books, forums and blogs are good resources for gathering the personal experience of people. Also, be on the lookout for local groups and organizations. Google it and see what you find. If you keep your eyes and ears open you are sure to find something helpful.

 

  1. Ask for help. You can ask people for advice on what to do and what they did in similar situations like yours. But you can also ask for more practical help. You don´t have to solve every problem on your own and sometimes it feels better to have someone by your side, even if it is just for emotional support.

 

  1. Let go of the need to be right. Open your mind to a solution that may work and try it out instead of just making snap judgements based on little information and experience. The need to be right can make you disregard solutions that are just what you need for far too long.

 

  1. Come up with more than one solution. You don´t know what will actually work before you try it. What may seem like a good solution in theory doesn´t always work in reality. So brain-storm and come up with at least a few solutions. If the first didn´t work, try the next one.

 

  1. Redefine failure. This is important both to handle fear of failure for the whole problem and to get you start trying different solutions without too much hesitation. The definition of failure we are brought up with in society might not be the best and most useful to have. If you look at the most successful people you quickly notice that they have a different response to failure than the more common one. They don´t take failure or rejection that seriously. They know it´s not the end of the world if they fail. Instead they look at each failure and see the good part about: what they can learn from it and improve next time. They have an abundance-mentality. They know that if their first business-venture fails it feels like crap for a while but it´s ok in the long run. They learn from it and then they try again. Redefine failure as feedback and as a natural part of a successful life.

 

  1. Break down the problem into smaller pieces. Completing a task or solving a problem can seem overwhelming and impossible if you take it all in at once. To decrease anxiety and think more clearly try to break the problem down. Try to identify the different things and people it consists of. Then figure out one practical solution you can take for each of those pieces. Try those solutions. They may not solve the whole problem immediately. But they might solve a few pieces of it. And then you can keep trying other solutions for the rest of the pieces until there are none left.

 

  1. Use the 80/20 rule. Use 80 percent of your time to find solutions and only 20 percent to complain, worry and whine. It might not always be easy but focusing your energy, time and thoughts in this way is much more beneficial to you and others than doing the opposite.

 

  1. Use Parkinson’s Law. This law says that a task will expand in time and seeming complexity depending on the time you set aside for it. For instance, if you say to yourself that you´ll come up with a solution within a week then the problem will seem to grow more difficult and you´ll spend more and more time trying to come up with a solution. Combine this law with the 80/20 rule to find solutions quickly. Focus your time on finding solutions. Then just give yourself an hour (instead of the whole day) or the day (instead of the whole week) to solve the problem. This will force your mind to focus on solutions and action.

 

  1. Find the lesson or opportunity within the problem. There is almost always a good side of a problem. Perhaps it alerts us to a great way to improve our business. Or teaches us how our lives perhaps aren’t as bad as we thought. Finding this more positive part of the problem reduces its negative emotional impact and you may even start to see the situation as a great opportunity for you. When you are faced with a problem ask yourself: How can I use this? What is the good thing about this? What can I learn from this? What hidden opportunity can I find within this problem?

 

  1. Actually talk about the problem and communicate clearly. Many problems arise because someone misinterpreted what someone else said. One way to make sure that you and everyone else have the same interpretation of for instance a project is to have people repeat back their view of the project and their part in it. See if your and their view matches. If a conflict arises then maybe you need to just talk it out, let go of a bit of steam, emotion and tension instead of everyone bottling it up. After that the discussion may be less emotionally charged. And it becomes easier to communicate clearly and reach a good solution for everyone involved.

 

  1. Create fewer problems. A lot of our problems are created by ourselves. You save yourself a lot of trouble by being proactive, thinking before you speak and trying to avoid creating or complicating problems more than necessary. One way to decrease problems is to follow – as much as you can – Dale Carnegie´s wise words: “Never critize, complain or condemn”. Many problems are somehow connected to relationships with other people so a good way to create less problems is to improve your social skills. Check out Do You Make These 10 Mistakes in a Conversation? and 5 Mistakes That Can Make You Look Dumb for some tips in that area. And go down to your local library and borrow a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People.

 

  1. Use the power of words to your advantage.Our minds respond more than one may think to what words that are used to describe something. A problem is a negatively charged word. To make it easier to handle the problem use the more neutral or positive word challenge instead. This may sound like some empty and in reality just useless advice. But, at least to me, I have found that doing this small change has some impact on how negatively/positively I view a situation.

 

  1. Keep your motivation up. It´s easy to be discouraged, especially if you fear failure and your first and second solution to a problem didn´t work. You might feel like just giving up. Then it´s time to give yourself a boost of motivation. Try a few of the techniques described in 25 Simple Ways to Motivate Yourself and 5 More Ways to Motivate Yourself. Changing your mental state to a brighter, more positive and more motivated one can make all the difference in the world. It will keep you going. Even though you might just a few minutes earlier felt like all hope was gone.

Ideas For Sale. How can You create more ideas

Creativity is a strange, elusive creature. Sometimes is flowing like a river. Sometimes it’s all dried up and nowhere to be found.

pain_success

Here are some thoughts and ideas that I like and have found useful to spark or improve my own creativity.

Most of them are pretty obvious, like so much advice, but I have found that if I actually use them they can be quite helpful.

Also, I find it useful to – as much as possible – have a notepad and a pen around to quickly jot down the new ideas before they disappear.

Problem-Solving (1)

1. Generate a boatload of ideas – If you haven´t had any it may because you haven´t had enough ideas yet.

TheProblemSolver

2. Take a trip outside your personal bubble – If you just have the same input every day it may be hard to come up with many new ideas.

problem solver

Take some input from outside own your little bubble. Meet new people, read book about something you don´t anything about, take up a new hobby, listen to music you normally never listen to. Do something different and get some new input into your mind. This can set off a creative spark and generate fresh ideas you hadn’t thought about before.

3. Get rid of all the distractions – Shut of your phone. Close the door. Close your IM-programs. As best you can create a space where you can be creative and focus without having disturbances or having to worry about them.

Consider decluttering this space so your mind don´t have to focus on unnecessary things. And decorating the space in a way that makes you feel relaxed, centred or however you want to feel to improve your creativity. You may also want to experiment with music and silence. I have found that music sometimes boosts my creativity – wordless music seems to work best – but that more often silence is the way to go for me.

4. Criticize later –

Or some part of your mind may feel threatened and shut up and withdraw. Just let ideas flow out, don´t try to censor yourself or worry about how silly the ideas may be. It’s important to keep an atmosphere of openness when trying to generate ideas and being creative, either if you do it alone or in a group at work/in school. You can sort the ideas later and determine which ones may be of best use.

5. See yourself as a creative person –

Everyone is creative. Not everyone think they are. If you do not see yourself as a creative person this can seriously limit your creativity, stop the flow of ideas and make you not believe in the ideas that do surface. Even though the ideas might be good or just what you need.

Allow yourself to be a creative person. And think back to instances when you were creative and let those memories be proof that you really are a creative person. Don´t focus on the memories of when you had troubles being creative.

6. Build it –

Like so many things in life creativity is bit like lifting weights (or doing your sport/exercise/game of choice). You can´t go into the gym and lift the heavy weights when you´re there for the first time. You have to start with smaller ones. Then consistently and progressively work your way up. Over time you´ll, if you train and work at it, build your creative muscles.

7. Sleep less –

Here   ´s something that works pretty good for me once in a while. When I feel a little groggy and sleepy because I´ve slept too few hours it´s like words start flowing out of my fingers when I sit down to write.

I think it    Â´s because when you’re a bit groggily tired you don´t think too much. Your mind doesn’t have the energy to criticise and halt your creative outflow. It´s like more doors than usual are open in the corridors of your brain and thoughts can run around more freely.

However, what is poured out when you´re in this state isn´t always pure gold. So you may want to go back and edit on a day when you are more well-rested to cut down and rewrite the sometimes non-sensical ramblings of your sleep-deprived mind.

8. Relax and play – 

This is very useful and a great use of your time. Go out and do something with your friends or family and just relax and have a lot of fun. Doing this for a day or an evening can recharge not only your creativity but also your motivation and general sense of well-being for days or weeks to come. Working non-stop and never playing will not.

How Do You behave? It doesn’t matter what you said but HOW YOU SAID IT!

Your Behavior Shapes Your World

Every day you make certain decisions and take specific actions that come about as a result of how you think, feel and the habits you tend to indulge in. Most of the time you probably don’t give these decisions or actions a second thought. You probably don’t even contemplate why you did what you did. And that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that. We naturally tend to filter out these details in order to focus on the most important things in our lives. However, there are certain advantages to knowing — to understanding what in particular motivated you to take that action or make that decision. And this is where the Six Human Needs come into the picture.

The Six Human Needs are not desires or wants. They are psychological “needs” that we constantly work to satisfy on a mostly unconscious level of awareness. These Six Human Needs are the factors that influence your deepest motivations and effectively determine how you go about prioritizing your decisions and actions throughout your life. In fact, every single day of your life you are unconsciously striving to meet these “needs” with varied success.

When these needs are met at a high level, you experience a great deal of happiness and fulfillment in your life. On the other hand, when these needs are not met at a high level, you will tend to feel unfulfilled and dissatisfied. However, because all this happens on an unconscious level of awareness, you probably don’t even realize why you’re feeling this way. Your life seems okay on the surface, however something is just not right. Nothing you do seems to make you happy, and life in general just seems as though it’s missing important elements that you can’t seem to identify.

So what are these Six Human Needs? Well, let’s take a very quick look at them right now before exploring them details later on:

  • Certainty: Here you are striving to experience comfort and gain certainty in your life in order to minimize the stress of uncertainty.
  • Uncertainty: Here you are striving for a little variety and uncertainty in your life in order to relieve boredom, predictability and stagnation.
  • Significance: Here you are striving to gain a sense of significance and importance in the eyes of others. Your objective is to create a sense of identity.
  • Connection: Here you are striving to make deep connections with people. You have a need to love and be loved by others. You also have a need to belong.
  • Growth: Here you are striving to learn, experience and grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually in a variety of ways throughout your life.
  • Contribution: Here you are striving to contribute to something greater than yourself. This is all about adding value to other people’s lives.

Before delving into the details of each of these Six Human Needs, it’s important that we first explore the four classes of behavior that we all tend to indulge in.


The Four Classes of Behavior

The habits you partake in, the actions you take, the emotions you experience, and the addictions you indulge in on a daily basis can all be classified into four distinct classes (kinds) of behavior.

Understanding these classes of behavior is important because they will help you gather important insights into your motivations and your psychological tendencies. No longer will you be at the mercy of your choices and decisions. Instead, you will fully understand and come to appreciate the short and long-term consequences that are tied to your daily actions.

It’s important to note that every decision you make and behavior you indulge in directly comes about as a result of the Pain and Pleasure principle. This theory states that you will make decisions that will either help you avoid pain, or allow you to experience pleasure. This has a push-pull effect. On the one hand you are making decisions that will push you away from the negative consequences that might cause you pain. On the other hand, you are making decisions that will pull you towards outcomes that will help you experience pleasure. This might seem straightforward on the surface, however it does get a little more complicated.

Say for instance you have a big project due for completion in four weeks. Four weeks seems like a long enough time to complete this project. You therefore don’t worry about it and instead make a decision to socialize, go to the movies, watch some television, etc. All of these things (behaviors and choices) are pleasurable. At the same time, working on the project seems somewhat painful and burdensome. You therefore made a decision to avoid the pain in order to experience the short-term pleasure of the moment.

Over the next three weeks you continue to avoid the pain of completing the project and instead continue to indulge in pleasurable activities. However, the closer you get to the deadline, the more on-edge you begin to feel. It appears as though the pain of not getting the project done is now growing more significant and intense. All of a sudden, the pleasure you experienced socializing, watching movies, etc, is no longer a strong enough motivating factor. Now, it’s the pain of not completing the project on time that weighs heavily on your mind. You are therefore no longer motivated by short-term pleasure but rather by the long-term pain you will experience if you do not get this project completed. And so you finally make a decision to begin working on the project.

This example shows how oftentimes we’re motivated to make a certain decision or to indulge in a specific kind of behavior because of the “pull-effect” of short-term pleasure. However, other times we make decisions based on the “push-effect” of long-term pain. All this is very significant, because your responses (decisions) to short and long-term pain and pleasure will determine the outcomes you will inevitably experience throughout your life.

To understand this principle in further detail, we’ll need to take a look at each of the four classes of behavior. However, before we begin, it’s important that as you read through each of these classes of behavior, that you pinpoint what kinds of habits and behaviors you partake in that fall into each of these four categories.

Class One Behavior

Class One behavior is typically characterized by actions that lead to both short and long-term pleasure concurrently. These behaviors:

  • Feel good.
  • Are good for you.
  • Are good for others.
  • Serve the greater good.

Self-sacrifice and the act of giving love to another person both fall into a Class One type of behavior.

There is no pain associated with this kind of behavior. Instead, you are rewarded with short and long-term pleasure as a result of your actions. The behavior therefore feels good, it is good for you, it’s good for others because you are helping add value to their life, and it serves the greater good of all concerned.

This is essentially where we would typically want to spend most of our time, however, unfortunately life doesn’t work that way. We are not living within a Utopian society. As such we will need to also work through the remaining three classes of behavior.

Class Two Behavior

Class Two behavior is typically characterized by short-term pain leading to long-term pleasure. These behaviors:

  • Don’t feel good.
  • Are good for you.
  • Are good for others.
  • Serve the greater good.

Working hard on a project in order to gain long-term rewards is an example of a Class Two behavior. Also exercise is another example of a Class Two behavior. When you exercise you experience short-term pain, however the exercise seems worthwhile because you will inevitably experience long-term pleasure resulting in weight-loss.

Class Two behavior doesn’t feel good in the short-term. In fact, you will experience a lot of pain. However, the pain is always worthwhile because it serves the greater good and helps you gain long-term pleasure. It’s therefore good for you (at least in the long-run). It’s also good for others because it doesn’t hurt them directly, and it also serves the greater good of all concerned.

Class Three Behavior

Class Three behavior is typically characterized by short-term pleasure that often results in long-term pain. This is a self-sabotaging behavior that:

  • Feels good.
  • Is not good for you.
  • Is not good for others.
  • Does not serve the greater good.

Overeating, binge drinking, excessive television watching, and procrastination all fall into this category of behavior. These things all feel good and pleasurable in the short-term while you’re indulging in them, however they have painful long-term consequences that you are likely to experience in the future.

When you’re overeating you are seeking to gain short-term pleasure. However, overeating can make you feel sick, can lead to weight gain, and possibly result in future health concerns. This behavior might feel good, however, it’s certainly not good for you, not good for others, and does not serve the greater good. In the future you will experience so much pain, that it just won’t seem worthwhile overeating in the first place. You were seduced by short-term pleasure, and now you must suffer the consequences of long-term pain.

Class Four Behavior

Class Four behavior is typically characterized by short and long-term pain. This is a self-sabotaging behavior that:

  • Does not feel good.
  • Is not good for you.
  • Is not good for others.
  • Does not serve the greater good.

The emotions of stress, worry and anger are all typical examples that fall into this category. Also staying in a bad relationship or career are two decisions that also fall into this class of behavior. All of these examples do not feel good, they are not good for you, they are not good for others, and they certainly don’t serve the greater good of all concerned.

Indulging in a Class Four behavior means that you are choosing to experience short-term pain in order to experience even more long-term pain in the future. Does this make any sense?

For example, when you’re angry, you are hurting yourself by losing your temper. Not only does this put you on-edge emotionally, but it can also damage your relationships with other people and also hurt your health in the long-term. You are therefore choosing short-term pain in order to experience more pain in the future. This obviously doesn’t make any rational sense, however it’s a typical behavior that we tend to indulge in more times than we care to admit.

What Does All This Mean?

So what does all this mean moving forward?

In isolation, without taking the Six Human Needs into consideration, these four classes of behavior provide you with insights into your typical decision-making process. Instead of just making decisions unconsciously, you can now choose what you will do or focus on based on the consequences of the Pain and Pleasure principle.

The right thing to do is to always make decisions that lead to Class One and Class Two behaviors. These behaviors will typically lead to long-term pleasure. On the other hand, it’s important to avoid the traps of a Class Three behavior. This kind of behavior feels good on the surface (short-term pleasure), however, the long-term consequences are never pleasurable (long-term pain). Likewise, it’s important to be aware of the consequences of a Class Four behavior. This is often characterized by unconscious emotional responses or behaviors that we just get caught up in. You will recognize these experiences because they just don’t feel good and will eventually lead to painful consequences.

So, how does all this relate to the Six Human Needs?

The Six Human Needs are fundamentally built upon your motivations. These motivations influence the decisions you make and therefore lead to certain and specific behaviors that you tend to indulge in on a daily basis. Some of these behaviors will be categorized as Class One and Two behaviors, and others will be characterized as Class Three and Four behaviors. Therefore some of them will be good for you, while others will only tend to cause you pain.

In the end, the whole purpose of this entire process is to help you transform your behavior in positive ways so that you can find more happiness and fulfillment in your life. And this all begins with an understanding of your Six Human Needs.


The Six Human Needs

The Six Human Needs were originally introduced by Anthony Robbins. Tony had always been fascinated with human motivation and behavior. As a result he studied Neural Linguistic Programming, Cognitive Therapy, Gestalt Therapy and many other therapies of the time. However, even after all his research and the effort he put into this work, he was still missing a piece of the puzzle. That piece of the puzzle came in the form of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs certainly filled a void by exploring:

  • Physiological Needs
  • Safety Needs
  • Love and Belonging Needs
  • Esteem Needs
  • Self-Actualization

Maslow’s pyramid of needs shows how our needs typically change as we move up the hierarchy. For instance, we first have our physiological needs on the bottom of the hierarchy. These are needs for breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, excretion, etc. These needs need to first be met before we can move up the pyramid and satisfy the remaining needs.

Once our physiological needs are satisfied we can move onto safety needs. These are needs for security of the self, of the family, of property, of health, employment, etc. Once these needs are fulfilled, we then move on to the need for love and belonging where we seek to connect with other people through friendship, family and sexual intimacy. Once this need has been satisfactorily fulfilled, we then seek out the need for esteem. This is all about boosting self-esteem, confidence, achievement, and also gaining the respect of others.

Finally, at the top of the pyramid is the need for self-actualization. Here we typically strive for self-improvement in the form of creativity and making ourselves and the world a better place. This is in essence all about personal growth and our contribution to the world.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs was certainly a profound discovery, however Tony saw that it was missing something. It didn’t quite help explain why we do what we do. It failed to unlock our decision-making process that leads to the behaviors we tend to indulge in on a daily basis. As such, Tony took some elements from Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and pieced them together with a few of his own discoveries, and came up with the formula for the Six Human Needs.

Let’s delve into the underlying motivating forces of our decisions and actions by taking a closer look at the Six Human Needs:

The Need for Certainty

The need for certainty means that you are constantly striving to feel safe and secure. You value predictability and a sense of comfort. This gives you peace-of-mind and helps ward off stress, anxiety and worry.

This need for certainty is often characterized with the need to acquire short-term pleasure irrelevant of whether or not it will lead to long-term pain (class three behavior). This is where your comfort zone lies, and this is therefore the place you feel most secure and safe. As such you might eat or drink alcohol excessively. You might smoke or use recreational drugs. Likewise you might procrastinate or try and control other people. All of these behaviors provide you with a sense of certainty and comfort in the present moment, but could potentially lead to pain in the long-run.

The same is true when you’re clinging onto a bad relationship or a lousy career. You hold onto these things because it gives you a sense of certainty. However, this is a Class Four behavior. It doesn’t feel good, it’s not good for you, it’s not good for others, and it certainly doesn’t serve the greater good. So why do you hold onto these things? You hold onto them because they make you feel safe, secure and comfortable.

The need for certainty of course doesn’t have to end with negative consequences. Sometimes certainty is important because it provides you with emotional stability and financial security. Who really wants to deal with problems when you can instead feel certain that tomorrow will be just like today. Isn’t this why we watch movies for a second time? Watching a movie again and again helps you gain a sense of certainty. You know what’s coming, and so you feel comfortable in the fact that there will be no surprises. Life is certain, predictable and safe. What could ever be wrong with that?

The problem with an oversupply of certainty is that it often leads to boredom and eventually a deep sense of dissatisfaction. Life becomes too predictable and just plain boring. As such, you now tend to seek out a little uncertainty to help add that extra spice of life to your daily undertakings.

The Need for Uncertainty

The need for uncertainty means that you are constantly striving for variety and change. Certainty is fantastic, however variety just makes life a lot more interesting, unpredictable, challenging and fun.

In your search for uncertainty you might choose to play competitive sports, choose to take risks, or even to gamble your life away. You might purposefully want to confront your fears, to make some drastic life changes, or even to handle a crisis or deal with conflict. This is all very significant, because if you are now currently experiencing conflict in your life, then it could very well be because of your need for uncertainty.

Your need for uncertainty could be so strong that you are purposefully looking for high stress crisis situations that make you feel uncomfortable. This of course might seem silly on the surface, however the alternative is a very predictable, safe, secure and boring existence. You might think you want that kind of life, however internally you desire change and a challenge that will help spice up your life. In the short-term this might work well for you. Although in the long-term you must realize that you are indulging in Class Four behavior that doesn’t feel good and often leads to even more pain in the future.

All behavior is however not equal. You can of course satisfy your need for uncertainty in productive ways that are akin to Class Two behavior. For instance, you might take a lot of risks in order to achieve a goal you are working towards. These risks don’t feel good, however they are good for you, good for others and serve the greater good. In the long-run the short-term pain will most likely lead to long-term pleasure, and making the strides to push yourself outside your comfort zone will certainly pay dividends in the future.

As with everything that is good, too much oversupply of a good thing always has consequences. And too much supply of uncertainty can often lead to higher levels of stress, worry, overwhelm, frustration and fear. This soon becomes too much and too overbearing to handle. And as such, you turn to certainty for comfort, predictability and security. And so the cycle goes on, as you jump from one need to the next in succession. How quickly, or how far you jump will of course depend on how you prioritize each of these needs moving forward.

The Need for Significance

The need for significance means that you are constantly striving to feel important, special, unique and worthy. You have all these goals you would like to achieve, so many incredible skills you want to develop, and a worthy status you would like to attain. All this provides you with significance and a sense of accomplishment.

You naturally gain significance when in comparison to others you reach a stage where you feel more important and worthy. You can feel more significant by achieving something, by building something, by learning something, or even by tearing other people down. They are all legitimate ways to fulfill the need for significance that people partake in on a daily basis.

If you look on the positive side of this need, you will find that it can help you achieve more, do more, and become the person you desire to be. All professional athletes would probably admit that the need for significance is a big part of their life. In fact, it is probably one of the most important influential factors that goes into every decision that they make. On the other hand though, the need for significance can be used for evil purposes. For instance, it can be used to hurt people or gain an unfair advantage. Take for example a bully. A bully bullies other people in order to feel important, significant and worthy. Therefore the need for significance can actually lead to violence. And the sad thing is that this is a Class Three behavior. It feels good and leads to short-term pleasure, however it’s certainly not good for you, not good for others and doesn’t serve the greater good.

When everything is said and done, we must all come to accept the fact that we live in a world with other people. And society is built upon relationships, connection, mutual respect and love. This is important because too much significance can potentially lead to separation anxiety and loneliness. This is evident in the celebrity world where well known celebrities suffer through bouts of depression and loneliness. They experience these emotions because they fail to meet their need for connection at a high level.

The Need for Connection

The need for connection means that you are constantly striving to connect and build strong social bonds and relationships with other people. This is the main reason why we get married, why we attend church gatherings, why we spend time in nature, why we gather at clubs, and why some people choose to join gangs. It’s all because of a need to feel connected to other people in some way.

No longer do we want to feel significant. Instead, it’s the connections with others that will help us move away from bouts of depression and loneliness. However, ironically the potential rejection and criticism that we might receive from other people can certainly put us back onto that same unfortunate path.

When you put love and connection above all other human needs, you might often do it at the expense of adventure and variety. Say for instance you find your soul mate, you get married, and because you value connection above all else, you no longer take risks, you no longer play sports, and you no longer pursue adventure. All of a sudden your priority levels have shifted and you no longer seek uncertainty. Instead you might now value connection and maybe even certainty above all else.

Of course, as with the need for significance, an oversupply of the need for connection can lead to a loss of identify. With this loss comes the need to feel important, unique and worthy once again. And as such, your relationships with other people might fall apart as you go your separate ways.

The Need for Growth

The need for growth means that you are constantly striving to learn new skills, to gather knowledge, and to grow as a person. You have this picture of yourself in the future — of how you desire to be. And your need for growth is pushing you to reach for that ideal self.

When the need for growth is at it’s highest, you are continuously striving to grow emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially and intellectually. As a result you might learn a new skill, you might choose to read books, you might take a class, you might apply at University, etc.

Growth is a very important aspect of life. If you are not growing, then you are making no real progress in life. However, growth isn’t necessarily about learning a new skill or about reading a book. It’s more about the time you put into self-reflection and also about how mindful you are of the consequences of your daily decisions, choices and actions.

The need for growth isn’t a primary need. What this means is that it’s not a need that all people across all walks of life strive to fulfill. However, it is an important need nevertheless, because without growth there is a sense of something lacking — a sense of dissatisfaction. Without growth your life might feel as though it’s stagnating. Everything might be comfortable, you might experience some uncertainty, you might feel significant and also satisfy your need for connection, however you’re not growing and evolving on a psychological level. As such, you feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled, and you don’t understand why. You seem to have the perfect life, but there’s just something missing.

The same is true of the final human need. You might have all the other human needs satisfied at the highest level, however life will always be missing that extra little something that this need gives you.

The Need for Contribution

The need for contribution means that you are living out your life’s purpose and providing value to others that goes beyond your own needs, desires and wants. You are essentially living for a higher purpose — for something greater than yourself that can potentially last a lifetime and beyond.

The need for contribution stems from our need to share ourselves, to help other people, and to add value to their lives. It’s all about making a difference to individual lives, to the community, to society, and to the world in general. This of course doesn’t mean that all of us will significantly change the world. However, what it does mean is that we work on something that gives life greater meaning. So whether this helps change one life or many lives, makes no difference. It’s all about the intention behind the work that makes all the difference in the end.

To satisfy the need for contribution you might volunteer your time to a cause, to a charity, or to a community project. Alternatively you might satisfy this need by helping someone solve a problem or maybe by teaching a class at a local community center. It really doesn’t matter what you do, as long as what you do provides you with a sense of satisfaction that you are doing something greater than yourself.

Contribution is a Class One behavior. It feels good, it’s good for you, it’s good for others, and it certainly serves the greater good of all concerned. This type of behavior provides you with short-term pleasure and rewards you with long-term pleasure. It’s the best of both worlds, and it’s something we should all be striving for with our time left on earth.


Balance and Priorities

In order to make the Six Human Needs work for you, you must first identify whether or not your current actions, choices and decisions are aligned with how you would like to prioritize your needs. Ask yourself:

Based on my current life circumstances, how should I prioritize my needs?

Do I value certainty over uncertainty? Why? Why not?

Do I value significance over connection? Why? Why not?

Do I value connection over certainty? Why? Why not?

Do I value certainty over significance? Why? Why not?

What kinds of choices and decisions am I currently making?

How do these choices and decisions reflect how I subconsciously prioritize my needs?

Are my current choices and decisions in conflict with how I would like to prioritize my needs? What specific problems might be evident?

Am I experiencing enough growth in my life? If not, then how could I focus on satisfying this need to a higher degree in the future?

Is there enough room in my life to explore the need for contribution? How?

How you live your life and what you choose to do on a daily basis depends entirely on how you prioritize each of these Six Human Needs. For instance, if you prioritize the need for uncertainty higher than your need for certainty, then you are naturally inclined to take more risks, to seek out new experiences, and to switch jobs often throughout your life. If on the other hand you prioritize the need for certainty higher than your need for uncertainty, then you will most likely have a more stable career, and you will tend not to step too far out of the norm of your normal existence. In such instance you’re happy to keep things predictable, while only taking occasional risks when you feel a little bored.

Now you must ask yourself whether or not the current choices and decisions you are making are aligned with how you would like to live your life. For instance if the need for uncertainty, variety and adventure is of highest priority, then sticking to your current job for the past 20 years and postponing your worldwide adventure is probably making you feel sick in the stomach. In this instance, your needs are in conflict with your actions. You will never be satisfied, happy and/or fulfilled living this way. You must therefore re-prioritize your choices and decisions in accordance with your highest priority needs.

In another example, you meet this amazing person that you would potentially like to spend the rest of your life with. However, this person’s highest need is the need for certainly. However, your highest priority need is the need for uncertainty. As you can tell there will most likely be some conflict here unless the two of you can reach some kind of compromise. If you don’t, then at the very least both your “needs” for connection must supersede all other needs, otherwise this relationship will probably not work out in the long-run.

In the end, a fulfilling, successful and happy life is all about reaching the proper balance between each of your human needs. You need a little certainly to provide you with some stability, and you also need a little uncertainty to provide you with that spice of adventure and variety. At the same time you need to feel significant and important to help support your personal identity. However, you also need that connection with other people. Growth is likewise important and so is contribution. In fact, all the Six Human Needs are important. They might not be equally important all of the time, however it is important to reach a balance and find a middle ground that feels good, is good for you, is good for others, and also serves the greater good.


Transforming Your Behavior

Let’s now come full circle and look at ways you can use all this information to help transform your behavior.

You might for instance spend a lot of your time indulging in Class Three or Four behaviors. You might also for instance have conflicting needs, which are causing you a few problems. Whatever it is, let’s see if we can work through these areas by undertaking a behavior shifting questioning process.

However, before we get into these questions, let’s take a quick look at other ways you can transform your behavior:

Behavior Transformation Strategies

There are plenty of ways you can transform your behavior. For instance you can do some pain and pleasure work. This basically means purposefully manipulating how you view pain and pleasure in order to help motivate yourself to take certain and specific kinds of actions. You might for instance associate a lot of long-term pain to the consequences of indulging within a specific type of behavior, while at the same time associating both short and long-term pleasure to a behavior that you would like to convert into a habit.

Other methods you could use to help transform unwanted behavior come in the form of adjusting your language and thought patterns. This works well because how you think and talk about things affects the decisions you inevitably make. And the decisions you make influence the behavior you end up partaking in. Therefore by altering your thoughts and language patterns will encourage you to make different choices, and as a result of these choices you will begin transforming your behavior.

Your beliefs, values, and your physiology also influences the choices you make and the behaviors you indulge in. Therefore by shifting your values, or by changing what you believe about yourself, what you believe about others, or what you believe about the circumstances you find yourself in, will help transform how you respond and behave. Moreover, making simple adjustments to your physiology can also instantly transform how you think and the behaviors you tend to indulge in.

Finally, asking better questions can also help transform your behavior. The questions you ask yourself on a daily basis are in a ways an extension of your thoughts and self-talk. However, questions are very specific and are directed at finding a solution to a problem. And yet, most of the time we ask very poor questions that can often lead to bigger problems.

Instead of asking questions that get you nowhere, begin asking questions that help you find solutions to the problematic behaviors you are attempting to work through. And this is exactly what we are going to do shortly as we work through the behavior transformation questioning process.

Set a Goal for Life

Before jumping into the questioning process, it’s important that you first gain clarity about the goals you would like to work towards.

Now, this isn’t a traditional goal setting exercise. It’s not about setting specific goals about what you would like to acquire, the money you would like to earn, the people you would like to help, etc. This is more about the feelings you would like to experience as a result of achieving all those other more tangible goals on your list.

When it comes to your human needs, it’s important that you set goals that are built upon the foundations of motivation, fulfillment, happiness and balance. In fact, all the behaviors that you partake in should essentially be of a Class One type of behavior that feels good, is good for you, is good for others, and serves the greater good. In addition to this, all the behaviors you indulge in on a daily basis should satisfy the Six Human Needs at the highest possible level.

Now this isn’t going to be easy. In fact, this goal is probably going to be next-to-impossible to achieve. However, this is in essence what is required to live a happy, successful and fulfilling life. This is in a ways the magic potion you’ve been searching for that will provide you with the answers to a life that you probably never imagined was possible. And who would have thought that it would all come down to your Six Human Needs?

Behavior Transformation Questioning Process

As you begin this questioning process, have a think about each of the Six Human Needs. Have a think about specifically how you will go about transforming your current behavior in order to meet each of these needs at the highest of levels. Ask yourself:

How do I currently go about achieving (specific human need) in my life right now?

Identify how you go about achieving the need for certainty, uncertainty, significance, connection, growth and contribution. Also have a think about how certain behaviors could be in conflict with other behaviors. Then ask yourself:

What makes me take these actions or partake in these specific behaviors?

How does partaking in these behaviors make me feel?

Is partaking in these behaviors empowering me or hurting me?

What benefits am I deriving from each of these behaviors?

From a scale of 1 to 10, at what level do each of these behaviors satisfy each of my human needs?

What Class of Behavior do each of my behaviors fall into?

Reflecting on each of the behaviors you partake in, have a think about how you could potentially transform and adjust them in way that ensures they fall into a Class One or Two behavior category. Continue asking yourself:

How could I transform this behavior in a way to ensure that it meets my Six Human Needs at the highest possible level?

How could I transform this behavior in a way that will move it from a Class Four or Three behavior and into a Class One or Two behavior?

If I can’t transform this behavior, then do I really want to continue indulging in it?

What’s an alternate behavior I could potentially adopt that will satisfy all the Six Human Needs at the highest level?

Is this behavior a Class One or Two behavior? If no, then think of another behavior…

If we are to look at this process realistically, then it will not always be possible to find a behavior that meets all the Six Human Needs at a high level while also being a Class One or Two behavior. That’s perfectly okay. If the behavior doesn’t satisfy all the Six Human Needs, but it satisfies most of the needs at a high level, then go with it. Over time you might be able to adjust this behavior to meet all your needs at a high level.

It’s important to remind yourself that this isn’t a quick “one-and-done” process. This questioning process is a lifetime commitment. You have to commit yourself to continuously make adjustments to your behavior over time so that you satisfy your Six Human Needs to the highest of levels, while ensuring all behaviors fall into a Class One or at the very minimum a Class Two behavior.

Class One behaviors are certainly not easy to achieve. You will need to essentially detach yourself emotionally from your desired outcomes in order to avoid experiencing the short-term pain that will eventually allow you to enjoy the long-term pleasure. This isn’t easy, if next-to-impossible. However, through trial and error you will make progress and as you make progress your life will improve because you’ll be making better decisions, which will lead to more helpful and productive behaviors that likewise will lead to more happiness and fulfillment. And that in essence is the key to success, and the key to life.

There’s literally so much that could be discussed here. In fact an entire book could be written about this subject. This short article certainly doesn’t give the topic of the Six Human Needs justice. However, I hope that it has provided you with some insights that you can work with to help balance and re-prioritize your life in more helpful and positive ways.

How to solve Problems? the solver’s attitude

Indispensable Problem Solver Attributes

To become a great problem solver requires a little more then a set of effective problem solving strategies. In fact, your ability to solve problem starts in your head at a psychological level.

If you do not take the time to fully condition your mind and prepare it for the act of problem solving, then you will struggle to consistently adopt the daily behaviors and rituals that are required for effective problem solving.

Within this section we will identify the indispensable attributes required for problem solving that you must learn to cultivate on a daily basis. If you fail to incorporate these qualities into your psyche, then you will struggle to apply the relevant problem solving techniques and strategies discussed within this post.

A Problem Solver’s Attitude

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A problem solver’s attitude determines how they consistently tackle problems on a daily basis. This attitude is evident in their thoughts, behaviors and actions, and it is this attitude that helps build their resolve and shapes their character.

Let’s delve into the mind of an effective problem solver and identify some of the attitudes that are absolutely indispensable for their ongoing success:

“I will make sure to do things carefully.”

An effective problem solver always strives to work through their problems in a patient, meticulous and careful way. They fully understand that the care they give to a problem at the beginning, will help them to realize better results in the future.

“This problem can be solved.”

An effective problem solver intuitively understands that any problem can and will be solved, given enough time, patience and meticulous careful attention.

“I must persist until a solution is reached.”

An effective problem solver knows that not all problems will be solved within the time frame they may have expected. However, they also understand that if they are persistent and resolute, that eventually a solution will be found.

“If I don’t solve it now, I will next time.”

An effective problem solver realizes that whatever cannot be solved now, will eventually be solved another time.

They fully understand that due to their current level of skill, knowledge, or simply due to circumstances out of their control, that a solution simply cannot be reached.

An effective problem solver will bide their time to acquire new information and knowledge, to develop and enhance their skill levels, and to gain insights from a variety of perspectives. They completely understand that eventually the right solution will indeed come their way as long as they never give up.

“I am going to enjoy this process.”

An effective problem solver knows that unless they adopt a playful, curious and inquisitive attitude, that they will struggle to find appropriate solutions. They therefore always strive to find new and unique ways to enjoy the process of working their way through a problem.

A Problem Solver’s Beliefs

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An effective problem solver has a set of indispensable beliefs and convictions that direct and propel their thoughts, actions and daily behaviors. These beliefs are so deeply ingrained into their psyche that it would take the force and willpower of the entire world to shake these feeling of certainty.

Beliefs are opinions that we have about things, ourselves, others and the world around us that are injected with an undeniable sense of certainty.

Let’s now take a look at a handful of beliefs that are critical for effective problem solving:

“There is no failure, only feedback.”

An effective problem solver believes that outcomes bring with them no failure, but rather only feedback. This feedback must be used as a source of knowledge, insight and inspiration to help enhance the decision-making process.

“There is a way to make this work.”

An effective problem solver believes that there is always a way to make things work. They may not see the solution at this very moment, however with a little persistence they wholeheartedly believe that they will eventually reach a satisfactory outcome.

“Choice is better than no choice.”

An effective problem solver believes that it is better to have more choices than to be limited by the choices that one has. As such, they always strive to expand the possibilities, to expand the opportunities and avenues for answers — allowing for as many choices as possible to further their understanding of the problem.

“Success can be modeled.”

An effective problem solver believes that successful problem solving can be modeled. As such, they consistently seek out other people who have successfully overcome similar problems and they attempt to model their thinking, decisions and actions in a meticulous way. This helps them to overcome the obstacles and challenges in their own life.

“Curiosity expands opportunities and possibilities.”

An effective problem solver believes that one must be curious at all times if one desires to spot the opportunities and possibilities that lie along one’s path.

Curiosity is an endearing characteristic that helps expand creativity, intelligence and one’s ability to think under pressure.

A Problem Solver’s Habits

 

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An effective problem solver has a set of daily habits and rituals. These habits assist them to think more effectively and proactively about the problems and challenges they are confronted with.

Let’s take a look at three habitual thinking patterns that are indispensable for effective problem solving:

Deep Probing

An effective problem solver cultivates the habit of deep-probing. This involves the process of meticulous thinking, which takes into account all angles and perspectives about a problem — making sure that nothing is left to chance.

They fully realize that through a process of simple deduction that they will be better able to work their way through the problem in a more effective and efficient way.

The habit of deep probing can be compared to the simple act of peeling layers off an onion. Each layer that the problem solver peels allows them to dig deeper into the heart of the problem, and thusly closer to the inevitable solution.

Associating with the Past

An effective problem solver realizes that any new piece of information can effectively be associated with past memories, experiences and learnings, to further their problem solving ability.

Recognizing Patterns

An effective problem solver effortlessly recognizes patterns within every problem or circumstance.

Everything within our Universe is built upon patterns and rhythmic dances that create the events and circumstances of our lives. In fact, these same patterns cause and create our life’s problems and circumstances.

By identifying and learning to understanding these patterns, effective problem solvers are able to decipher clues that will lead them to reliable solutions and answers.

When attempting to identify patterns look for similarities, differences, rhythms, errors, future scenarios and trends that the problem is bringing to light.

A Problem Solver’s Characteristics

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An effective problem solver can easily be distinguished from others by the key personality characteristics that naturally help them to break down boundaries and attain the heights of logical and constructive thought.

The characteristics presented below are the primary traits we must cultivate within our own personalities if we seek to successfully overcome the problems and challenges that are confronting our daily lives.

Risk Taker

An effective problem solver understands that many problems will never fully be solved if risk isn’t involved.

Risk may mean overcoming a fear, thinking outside-the-box, or simply making the tough decisions that at the moment may seem uncertain and unclear.

Problem solvers are risk takers who believe that intelligent risk taking will enable them to reach effective solutions to the challenges confronting their daily reality.

Persistent

An effective problem solver is persistent in thought, decision and action. They clearly understand that there is a means and way around any problem, fully believing that as long as they persist and persevere that they will always find an angle that will help them obtain a desired outcome.

Enthusiastic

An effective problem solver displays passion and enthusiasm at all times. These two qualities provide them with the energy and motivation they need to help them overcome the toughest of challenges.

Meticulous

An effective problem solver is meticulous with every step they take moving towards their desired outcomes.

This thoroughness allows them to work through their problems step-by-step — taking into account all angles and perspectives.

Adaptable and Flexible

An effective problem solver is constantly vigilant and aware of constantly changing circumstances. They clearly understand that problems can shift and change in a moments notice, and as a result they must adapt their approach accordingly.

It is only through flexibility-of-thought that they are able to work through their problems in an efficient and effective way.

Open Minded

An effective problem solver is always humbly open minded to other people’s opinions and perspectives. They clearly understand that they do have all the answers, and that others may indeed have alternative views that will help them to see things from new and unique perspectives. This likewise helps open the doors to new understandings that would not otherwise have been available to them.

Light-Hearted

An effective problem solver approaches their daily challenges in a light-hearted and playful manner. They fully realize the overwhelming power that problems can have on their psyche. To counteract this, they approach each problem in a playful and light-hearted way — helping them to find solutions and answers where others only see overwhelm and distress.

Proactive

An effective problem solver is proactive. They understand, they just have to keep moving forward and continue to take proactive action no matter how uncertain events or circumstances may seem at any specific moment in time.

The opposite of being proactive is being reactive. When we are reactive we become easily overwhelmed by the events and circumstances of our lives because we fail to take control of our emotional responses.

Curious

An effective problem solver is a curious thinker.

Curiosity naturally leads to a plethora of questions that need to be answered. Once answered, they can evolve into a myriad of solutions that will help you to attain your desired goals and objectives far more quickly.

Non-Conforming

An effective problem solver does not conform to the standards and norms of mainstream society. Instead, they think out of the box, and break the rules in order to attain their desired outcomes.


The Primary Problem Solving Method

There are many problem solving techniques and strategies that we could present here. However there is essentially only one primary problem solving method that will help you to structure and break down a problem step-by-step from the beginning to the very end. To view an advanced version of this problem solving method, please check out the Visual Thinking Path.

Within this section we will work our way through a six step primary problem solving method.

By consciously learning to apply each of these steps/phases into your problem solving regime, you will proactively take control of your daily decision making process.

Preparation Phase

This phase helps you to identify, define and decipher an overall picture and understanding of the problem that is currently confronting your reality.

As you progress through this phase, it is important to gain as much clarity about your problem as possible from absolutely every angle and perspective. Any assumptions or misunderstandings here, could very well sabotage your ability to reach an effective solution. Therefore be very careful to clarify everything clearly and meticulously.

Identify the Problem

Your first step is to always clearly identify the problem that is confronting your reality. Many people fail to do this correctly, and as a result they discover that what they thought was a problem is in fact a mistaken assumption that now requires a dramatically different approach.

Define Problem in Writing

Once you have identified the problem, you next step is to clearly define it on paper. It is only through the process of writing our thoughts down on paper that we attain the clarity we need to effectively deal with the challenges that stand in our way.

Question the Problem

To further clarity and expand your understanding about this problem, it is recommended that you ask yourself a set of open-ended questions that will help you to define the problem from a variety of angles and perspectives.

The questions you should be asking yourself must be focused on the What? When? Where? Why? Who? and How? of the problem under question.

Undertaking this process with meticulous attention will open new insights and understandings that will help you as you move through this problem solving strategy.

It is important to understand that you are not seeking solutions or answers here, but rather gathering insights about the problem from as many different angles and perspectives you can identify.

Here are a few questions to get you started:

What is the actual problem that is impeding my progress?

When did this problem occur?

Where did this problem first appear?

Why is this problem impeding my progress?

Who is involved in this problem?

How is this problem influencing other areas of my life?

Determine Possible Causes

Once you have clarified the problem, your next step is to identify the possible causes that may have triggered these outcomes.

Again during this stage you must continue asking What? When? Where? Why? Who? and How?questions.

Here are a few questions to get you started:

What could be the potential causes of this problem?

When did these causes originate?

Where did these causes originate?

Why did these causes originate?

Who could have triggered this problem?

How does all this help me with identifying the causes of this problem?

Reframe the Problem

Once you have identified and defined the causes of the problem, it is important to open your mind to alternative perspectives.

At this stage you are not yet seeking answers or solutions but rather opening your mind to different perspectives that will help you to understand the problem from a variety of angles.

Here are a few reframing questions to get you started:

How might other people perceive this problem?

How would I perceive this problem if I was to look back on it 12 months from this day?

What if I was completely detached from this problem and its outcomes. How would I now perceive it?

What has to be true for this to be a problem?

Define Desired Outcomes

Finally, you must gain clarity by defining the desired outcomes you would like to attain from successfully working your way through this problem.

These outcomes will help direct your mind towards solutions as you progressively move through the remaining phases.

The strategy you use to achieve this outcome isn’t important at this stage. The only thing that matters is that you clarify on paper the end objective or goal you would like to achieve.

Generation Phase

This phase allows for free association and exploration of wild and crazy ideas that must not be judged, criticized or condemned for any reason.

The greater flexibility of thought you incorporate into this phase, the more effective the later phases will become.

It is important throughout this phase that you literally overwhelm your brain with as many solutions as possible. The greater the variety of solutions and strategies you come up with, the more insightful and effective the Incubation Phase will become.

Recall Past Learnings, Experiences and Mistakes

Recalling your past life experiences will help you to gain a better perspective about your current predicament.

Many people constantly need to deal with the same ongoing problems because they simply fail to learn from their past experience and mistakes.

It is only through a process of self-reflection and understanding that we will gain the necessary insights to move through our current problems efficiently and effectively.

Keep in mind that any past experience — even if not directly related to your current problems — could potentially help you find the solutions you are after.

Explore Strategies and Solutions

Having brought your past learnings and mistakes into the present, you are now ready to brainstorm solutions and strategies that will help you to successfully overcome the challenge confronting your current reality.

While brainstorming it’s important not judge or criticize your solutions. Your thinking must flow effectively and efficiently from one idea to the next like water gently trickling off a leaf. All you are doing is generating possible and potential solutions that will help to expand your thinking and awareness about the problem you are currently experiencing.

You can lightly consider the drawbacks and obstacles that may be attached to each of your solutions, however primarily spend your time on the benefits of each strategy and how it could potentially lead you to the outcome you outlined within the Preparation Phase.

As a final thought, keep in mind that the how isn’t important here. Instead it is the what that matters.

Incubation Phase

This could very well be called the Resting Phase.

Your goal here is to simply allow the solutions and ideas you came up with during the Generation Phase to harvest and grow within the recesses of your mind without ridicule or judgment.

The key here is to separate your mind from the problem so completely that it simply becomes irrelevant and insignificant.

Flowers cannot sprout and grow if weeds are dominating your thought process.

Indulge in Brainstorming Naps

Brainstorming naps are short 15 to 30 minute breaks you take throughout your day where you close your eyes and open yourself up to potential solutions.

Before you take these brainstorming naps, it is important that you partake in a good 30 to 45 minutes of intense thought and self-reflection about possible solutions to your problem.

As you lie back in a comfortable position and close your eyes, ask yourself the following questions:

How can I solve this problem in the most effective and efficient way?

What must I do to attain my desired outcome?

Once your questions have been asked, simply settle down and observe your thoughts as though you are watching clouds drifting across the sky. Within these visual images you may very well find the answers you are after.

Sleep on Problem

Simply put your problem to rest and go to sleep.

As you are nodding off, pose yourself insightful questions that will stimulate the thought process and encourage your brain to search for answers.

When you awaken the next morning, immediately reflect on your thoughts and dreams — they may hold the answers you have been searching for.

Change Your Environment to Improve Incubation

Stepping out into nature or simply into an inspiring and energetic environment will separate you from your problem and help you to think more effectively about potential solutions. However, since we are in the Incubation Phase, it is important to simply let-go of the process of intense meticulous thinking. Instead, enjoy your surroundings and the answers you are after will eventually reveal themselves to you. And just in case, have a piece of paper and pen ready to write down inspiring solutions as they come your way.

Evolution Phase

Now that your ideas have had a chance to incubate within the recesses of your mind, you are now ready to take your thinking to the next level — becoming your worst and best critic.

Your goal throughout the Evolution Phase is to break down and clarify all your potential solutions progressively and meticulously allowing for deep insights and all round perspectives.

The more thorough you are while undertaking this process, the less problems you will face throughout the Implementation Phase that follows.

Prioritize and Evaluate Solutions

Collate all the solutions you brought forward throughout the Generation and Incubation Phases and evaluate them accordingly.

Evaluate the viability of these solutions by looking at them from a variety of different angles and perspectives. Also take into account the time and energy you have available that will allow you to bring these solutions into the real world.

Once completed, prioritize your solutions to help you better decipher which ones could best assist you with overcoming your problems most effectively.

Speculate Potential Future Outcomes and Negative Consequences

Future-pace each solution and see it clearly helping you overcome your problem.

Identify the possible drawbacks, weaknesses, strengths and potential opportunities that may result.

The greater clarity you gain here, the easier it will be to settle on an ideal and clearcut solution to your problem.

Settle on Solutions

Having accumulated a thorough and comprehensive list of solutions throughout the Generation and Incubation Phases, and having outlined the possible consequences of each of these outcomes, you are now ready to select one primary desirable solution that will help you overcome your problem in the most effective and efficient manner.

Take everything into consideration and decide which solution will best help you to achieve your desired outcome.

Implementation Phase

Your goal throughout the Implementation Phase is to progressively and meticulously work through the solution to your problem in a step-by-step manner using a process of logical decision making and action. You are basically bringing everything you have thought about and outlined on paper into reality.

Many people will struggle to get through this stage successfully because of the dreaded procrastination bug. Be sure that you don’t fall into this dirty trap. :(

Clarify Your Personal Vision of Outcome on Paper

Having settled on your ideal solution to this problem, take some time now to clarify this vision on paper.

Clarify the Personal Resources at Your Disposal

Identify the support, skills, knowledge and tools you currently have at your disposal that will help you to successfully overcome this problem. If you find that you are lacking in some of these areas, then you may need to regroup and update your skills or knowledge to help you deal with this problem more effectively. Or you may simply need to obtain the help and support of a new group of people who can guide you through this problem in a more proactive and efficient way.

Create Three Alternative Plans of Action

Now that you have the necessary skills, knowledge, support and tools you need to overcome this problem successfully, your next step is to draw up your plan of action.

As previously discussed, it is important to be flexible with your actions and to take into consideration all the drawbacks and potential pitfalls of these steps.

In order to minimize the possibilities of getting stuck, it is critical that you outline three alternative plans of action. If Plan A works out, than that’s great. However, if it fails miserably, than you still havePlan B and C at your disposal.

Set Clear Defined Deadlines for these Actions

Clear and defined deadlines will motivate you into action, while providing you with a time sensitive objective to work towards.

Take Action Committing Yourself to the Result

Commit yourself wholeheartedly and take proactive action while focusing on the process of your actions and not on the problem or your end objective. Only through process orientation are you able to cultivate the flexible mentality you need to alter your course if unexpected events and circumstances come your way.

Learning Phase

This is an important phase that is very often overlooked. It will help you to clarify your thoughts, including the methods and strategies you used throughout the problem solving process.

The learnings you gather from self-reflection will provide you with indispensable insights that will put your problem solving methods in perspectives — improving the effectiveness and efficiency of your approach as you tackle similar challenges in the future.

Monitor Your Outcomes

As you progress along your journey towards implementing your solution, pay attention to the outcomes that result from every thought you make and every decision and action you take. This awareness will help you to better understand your personal traits and tendencies, which will likewise assist you with improving your problem solving methods in the future.

Reflect on the Problem Solving Process

Once you have successfully overcome your problem, spend some time thinking and reflecting about the problem solving process.

Here are some questions to get you started:

What did I do well, and what am I proud of about the way I conducted myself throughout this process?

What problem solving traits did I cultivate and bring to the forefront throughout this process?

What problem solving traits did I neglect?

What mistakes did I make as I worked my way through this problem?

What have I learned from these experiences?

What could I have done better… more effectively and efficiently?

How can I use these learnings and experiences to further my problem solving abilities in the future?

For a more advanced look at this problem solving method, please check out the Visual Thinking Path.


Ongoing Problem Solving Tactics

Becoming an effective problem solver requires an ongoing process of conscious thought and action that opens new doors of opportunity to the solutions and answers you are after.

The solutions and answers you are after will be difficult to attain if you only apply the primary problem solving method sporadically. Instead you must consciously instill into your psyche habitual patterns of behavior that are consistent and aligned with a problem solver’s mentality.

Becoming an effective problem solver is not a part-time career, it is rather a full-time process that eventually becomes second nature.

Within this section we will explore a number of effective ongoing problem solving tactics you can use consistently throughout your day to keep your mind primed and ready for any challenge that may come your way.

Mindset Oriented Tactics

The following is a list of mindset oriented problem solving tactics you can use on a consistent basis to keep your mind primed and ready for the challenges that come your way:

Visualize Your Desired Outcomes

It is said that we can only achieve our goals and objectives if we are able to clearly visualize them first in our mind’s-eye.

That which we are unable to visualize, we will likewise not be able to comprehend and realize within our physical reality.

When we were babies our motor skills developed over time through a process of observation and visualization. Only once we were able to successfully visualize in our mind’s-eye the process of picking-up physical objects, were we able to bring that same ability successfully into our physical reality. Given this, do you see how important it is to spend time visualizing your outcomes and the possible scenarios and strategies you will use to overcome your problems effectively?

Ask Questions Searching for Solutions

Questions are the keys that will unlock doors of opportunity and answers to even the most pressing of problems.

If you ask the ideal solution focused question, you will receive the right answers to help move you forward through your challenges in the most effective and efficient way.

Always See Opportunities for New Learnings

Problem solving is essentially built upon the concept of opportunity-spotting.

Effective problem solvers don’t actually see problems as others do. Instead they see only opportunities for new learnings, insights and understandings that will help them to keep moving forward towards the attainment of their goals and objectives.

You must train your mind to look at every event or circumstance as an opportunity for you to become and grow to your full potential.

The challenges you face in life are there for a reason to help you attain your highest potential as a human being. See these problems as opportunities and you will move through them more effectively and swiftly than ever before.

Think Critically

By thinking critically about every problem and circumstance in your life, you will break down the walls of assumption that tend to trap the mind within unhelpful thinking habits.

Think Creatively

Whereas problem solving is very structured and logical, creativity on the other hand is unstructured and imaginative.

These two forms of effective thinking are in many ways tied together and will work in conjunction to help you break through the obstacles standing in your way.

Think is Solitude

In order to think more effectively about the problems in our lives we must first clear the clutter from our heads.

This process begins when we remove ourselves from the physical distractions that could impede our thinking ability.

Within solitude you will find peace, harmony and a sense of connection with your body, spirit and mind. This will help release built-up tension while opening up the channels to intuitive, creative and logical thought — helping you to overcome your problems with far greater ease.

Let Go of Fears

Your fears will rob you of the ability to think effectively and problematically.

Effective problem solvers don’t allow their fears to control their thoughts, decisions and actions. Instead they usurp their fears and focus on the pleasures that will bring them the outcomes they desire to experience within their lives.

Let Go of Judgments and Criticisms

Effective problem solving requires us to let go of ill-fated judgments and criticisms.

The ideal solution can only be reached if we take time to harvest and cultivate it within the recesses of our minds for an extended period of time. This process thusly requires us to let go of the Devil’s Advocate role and milk our ideas for all their worth.

It is only towards the end of the problem solving process that the Devil’s Advocate card should be played.

Let Go of Biases and Assumptions

For the same reason as mentioned above, we must let go of all biases and assumptions that may hold us back from successfully finding a solution to the problem at hand. This is often easier said than done because in many instances our assumptions and biases naturally color our understanding of reality.

If we mistakenly assume something, then we may redirect our thoughts, decisions and actions down paths that we did not want to tread.

The solution is to ask insightful and carefully structured questions that will help us to break down the biases and assumptions we are holding onto at any one moment in time.

Allow for Fantasizing

Fantasizing can be an effective form of creative problem solving.

Take time each and every day to remove yourself from physical reality and fantasize about creating a perfect life where everything you imagine becomes your reality.

This process will help to loosen your mind, and may very well open the doors to a set of insightful ideas that will assist you with overcoming your problems more effectively.

Allow for Playfulness

Playfulness is another endearing quality that you must cultivate every single day.

Perceive each and every problem as an intriguing game that you must win at all costs. Play this game, have fun, and enjoy the experience to its fullest.

Allow for Idea Incubation

No idea will fully evolve and grow to its fullest potential if you fail to incubate it within the recesses of your mind for a period of time.

Sometimes brilliant ideas can come to us quite effortlessly. As a result our excitement takes over and we immediately take action in an attempt to bring the idea into physical reality. However, later we realize that the idea was incomplete or simply didn’t work as expected.

In instances such as these, it is easy to get disheartened. Our idea was great, but for some reason it just didn’t evolve because little did we realize at the time, that this iceberg-idea was only the tip of a much larger, complete and comprehensive thought-pattern that was never brought to the surface.

In such instances we must learn from this experience and take time to incubate our ideas as we move forward into the future.

Explore Funny and Foolish Ideas

No idea should ever be ruled out. Every idea is valid and useful no matter how foolish, crazy or funny it might seem on the surface. In fact some of the most foolish ideas have indeed earned people millions and others billions of dollars. For this very reason it’s critical that you never discount any idea until you have taken it through the entire problem solving cycle discussed within this post.

Explore Alternative Perspectives Using Lenses

Lenses are a form of creative problem solving that will help you to expand your understanding and awareness about your circumstances from a variety of unique and interesting perspectives.

Each lens will help you to see the problem from a new point-of-view — assisting you with identifying creative solutions you may not have thought of before.

The following list presents you with just a few lenses you can use to help trigger creative solutions for your problems:

Childhood Lens

Look at your problem from the perspective of an inquisitive and curious child.

See your problem as an innocent circumstance that isn’t tinged with pre-conceived biases or assumptions.

Ask yourself seemingly foolish, funny and creative questions that open new ways of thinking about mundane circumstances and problems.

How would a child approach this problem?

What kinds of questions would they ask?

Athlete’s Lens

Look at your problem from the perspective of a motivated and determined athlete.

See your problem as a mountain that you will tame and conquer.

Ask yourself questions that will help you to persist and persevere — effectively expanding the possibilities of your solutions.

How would an athlete approach this problem?

What kinds of questions would they ask?

Artist’s Lens

Look at your problem from the perspective of a creative and imaginative thinker.

See your problem as a work of art that progressively takes shape.

Ask yourself questions built around metaphors, stories, visual concepts and ideas that will provide you with a unique perspective about your problem.

How would an artist approach this problem?

What kinds of questions would they ask?

Scientist or Inventor’s Lens

Look at your problem from the perspective of an analytical scientist or crazy inventor.

See your problem as an experiment that you must test and perfect.

Ask yourself questions that are built upon logical thought and experimentation.

How would a scientist or crazy inventor approach this problem?

What kinds of questions would they ask?

Politician’s Lens

Look at your problem from the perspective of a confident, confronting and ambitious politician.

See your problem as a political campaign that you must win at all costs.

Ask yourself questions that help you poke holes in your problem, thusly bringing its weaknesses to the forefront — much like what politicians do to their opponents during television debates.

How would a politician approach this problem?

What kinds of questions would they ask?

Action Oriented Tactics

The following is a list of action oriented problem solving tactics you can use on a consistent basis to keep your mind primed and ready for the challenges that come your way:

Persistently Write Out Questions

Questions are the keys that will bring forth the answers and solutions to your problems.

Sit down for 30 minutes per day with two sheets of paper and a pen. Now, write out your problem in a question format on top of both sheets. Next, take your 1st sheet of paper and spend 15 minutes writing out as many questions as you can think of that will help expand your understanding and awareness about this problem. Finally, when your 15 minutes is up, take out the 2nd sheet of paper and write out as many solutions as you can think of that will answer the questions you posed on the 1st sheet of paper.

By undertaking this process consistently each and every day, you will develop a problem solving knackthat will help you breakthrough any obstacle standing in your way.

Read Broadly

Sometimes the answers to our problems can come from the most unexpected sources.

Keep your problem in mind as you read a book, magazine or newspaper and observe your brain in overdrive searching for new pieces of information that it can associate to old memories and experiences.

Within every piece of information you read, picture you see, and sound you listen to, lies the solution to your problem. This awareness will get you halfway to your answer. However, you must be fully committed to lifelong learning.

Update Your Skills and Knowledge

Our problems can only overwhelm us when we feel incapable of dealing with them in an effective and timely manner. The solution for this is to update specific skills and knowledge (pertaining to the problem) that will allow you to better handle and manage these types of challenges in the future.

Use Positive Language

A pessimist will naturally have a very difficult time finding solutions to even the simplest of problems. On the other hand, an optimistic realist who uses positive language will bring forth a great array of solutions that will further expand their thinking and creative potential.

Use Concept Maps and Mind Maps

Mind maps are extraordinary problem solving tools that will allow you to easily brainstorm effective and creative ideas.

Mind Maps mimic our brain’s natural capacity to think, manage and organize large chunks of information in an efficient way. They will help you to put your problem into perspective, while giving birth to new connections and associations that may not have been evident before.

Use Diagrams

Because our brains think in pictures and not words, it just makes sense that diagrams would help us conceptualize our ideas in a much more creative way.

You may be surprised with the insights you will gather from simply drawing up your problem and solutions in a diagrammatic picture format.

Create and Use a Problem Solving System

Finally, it is important to understand that our problems will never evaporate completely. Such is life, that it constantly and continuously tests our resolve in order to help us grow and achieve our most desired goals and objectives.

Those people who don’t seem to experience any problems in life, have simply mastered the illusion of hiding their problems from others. They have learned methods that help them manage their problems using a potentially unconscious systematization process.

Every time you successfully work through your problems, it is important to draw up a systematic management plan that will help you to deal with these types of problems in a more effective and efficient way in the future.


Final Thoughts

It has been said that…

It’s not what happens to us that determines our fate, it’s rather what we do with what happens that shapes our destiny.

The problems and challenges that confront our everyday reality are drawn to us for a reason and purpose — teaching us life lessons that help us grow and attain new levels of insight, awareness and understanding.

Without problems we would never grow, we would never mature, we would never fully develop, and we would never experience the joy and satisfaction of attaining our most inspiring goals and objectives.

Yes, problems are indeed blessings in disguise for some, while for others they become steppingstones for misery, stress, mayhem and dissatisfaction. These people just don’t get it…

It’s not what happens to us that determines our fate, it’s rather what we do with what happens that shapes our destiny.

You can Be Creative Thinker.

Unlocking Your Creative Genius Capacity

Our creative ability is very difficult to measure because it can manifest in so many surprising and unexpected ways.

As we go about our daily lives, our creativity comes to the forefront to assist us with overcoming the problems and challenges that bring excitement and new experiences into our reality. Every time we successfully break through these obstacles we grow and expand our awareness about ourselves, others, circumstances and the world around us.

Within this section we will delve into the dramatic influence that our creative capacity has on our quality of life and daily undertakings. We will look at evolution of creativity and how it grows and develops through childhood and eventually begins to decline as we grow older and supposedly wiser. Finally, we will touch upon the concept of creative inspiration, and pinpoint some methods that will help you to identify your bursts of creativity.

Our Creative Capacity has a Wide Circle of Influence

I feel that as a society we underestimate the value that our creative capacity has on a variety of different aspects of our lives. In fact, our creative capacity is so far-reaching that you could come to the conclusion that the quality of our lives is basically determined by the quality of our creative thinking. Let’s take a look at this in a little more detail.

Creativity Shapes Academic Success

Your creative capacity shapes your academic success.

There is no doubt that at school our logical intelligence is looked upon with high regard. The better you are able to remember key concepts, ideas and make sense of the information you are learning, the higher grades you will achieve.

In the classroom, creativity is in fact as important if not more important than your intellectual capacity. Your intellect might help you to understand key concepts and ideas, however it is your creative capacity that will help you to think outside-the-box in unorthodox ways — allowing you to learn more effectively, efficiently and flexibly at the same time.

Intellectuals are somewhat like computer programs that are fed information and data. On the other hand, creative individuals shift, change, expand, and alter this data in unique ways that help boost their effectiveness and efficiency as learners.

To put it another way, an intellectual will follow the instructions of the book to the letter without wavering or making a mistake. However, a creative individual will come up with brilliant ideas and methods that will help them to improve their speed of learning, reading, comprehension and proficiency. Yes, they might make mistakes along the way, but that’s okay, because creativity is often born from a willingness to make a mistake.

Creativity Influences Career Advancement

Your creative capacity influences how quickly you will advance your way up the career ladder.

Almost anyone with a passion for something, can learn and develop the skills to become proficient and reliable. Companies like to hire these types of people because they have a good sound knowledge-base and understanding of their work responsibilities. However, in order to advance up the career ladder it takes a little more than a solid base of knowledge and experience.

Climbing the career ladder requires the creative capacity to think outside-the-box about methods, tactics and strategies that will improve efficiency, effectiveness, grow profits, and enhance customer loyalty.

It doesn’t really matter where you are currently positioned within your company. If you develop enough creative momentum you can climb the corporate ladder in very quick succession with only a few groundbreaking creative ideas.

CreativityCreativity Determines Quality of Life

Your creative capacity determines the quality of your life.

The success you experience within any area of your life is based upon the flexibility of thought you use to overcome life’s daily challenges.

Your happiness is likewise a direct reflection of the fulfillment and satisfaction you obtain from attaining your life’s goals and ambitions, and therefore is based on your ability to overcome challenges successfully.

Creativity Determines Quality of Thinking and Idea Generation

Your creative capacity determines the quality of your thinking.

Our whole lives are built upon the foundations of idea generation. The more creative ideas we are able to generate that will help us get what we want most in life, then the more of what we want we will have.

The greater the creative capacity we cultivate and grow within ourselves, the better our ability to expand our understanding and awareness about everything that life throws our way.

Creativity Determines What we have Access to

Your creative capacity determines your access to information, opportunities and resources.

As we expand our minds and begin thinking outside-the-box, we start to understand and comprehend things from unique angles and perspectives. As a result, this naturally brings forth into our field of awareness new pieces of information, unexpected realizations and opportunities that were previously hidden from view.

Creativity Determines Our Intrinsic Ability

Your creative capacity determines your intrinsic ability to learn and effectively overcome problems that confront your daily reality.

It’s universally understood that people will not always agree, that things will not always go as planned, and that unexpected surprises may be hidden behind every corner. Given this, we must learn to adapt and adjust our daily habits of behavior in ways that will get us what we want most despite the challenges and obstacles in our way.

Adaptation requires a period of learning and adjustment that can only come through creative thought. Hence, the more creative we are while tackling life’s daily problems, the faster we will learn and master the challenges that life throws our way,

Evolution of Creativity through Childhood

Science has shown that we are all indeed born with the capacity to think creatively. However, over time this capacity seems to diminish and decline. Why is that? Are we doing something that naturally pushes our creative self-expression out of our daily lives? Or is it something that is done to us by others? Let’s take a look at this in a little more detail:

CreativityExpansion of Creativity through Pre-School

For most of us, pre-school was a place where we predominantly had fun and played games. Yes of course, it was also a place for learning, however the learning didn’t seem difficult or arduous because we were always entertained and involved within a myriad of activities that got our creative juices flowing.

At pre-school we also tended not to suffer from the stress, anxiety and overwhelm that riddles our life experience today. Why is that?

Maybe it was because we had a childlike approach to every new sensory learning experience. Or maybe it was the encouragement, support and freedom for creative self-expression that brought about our stress-free existence.

Decline of Creativity through High School

When we reach high school we suddenly find our creative capacity squashed against a wall of criticism, judgment and punishment.

One of the biggest drawbacks of our current high school education system is in its inability to help students develop and expand on their creative capacity.

Within the high school system students are punished for their mistakes, they are judged for their thinking and processing of information, and they are criticized for their weaknesses. All of this leads to a stressful learning environment that predominantly provides group attention and limits learning to only the visual and auditory sensory organs.

Psychological studies have revealed that during pre-school 9 out of every 10 kids show a capacity for creative thought. However, as they progress through to high school, that number drops to 3 out of 10. What in the world is happening to our creative capacity? What are we doing wrong? How are we hurting our kids with our teaching methods?

Identifying the Creativity Spark

Creativity is something that at times seems very illusive and out of reach. It often comes to us at a moment’s notice, and then gets lost in an instant if not harnessed and cultivated.

It’s absolutely paramount that we become aware of our creative tendencies so that we are better prepared for the messages that they send our way.

For starters, it is important to understand that creativity comes to all of us in a variety of different ways. For some people it comes as a burst of joy, excitement, inspiration or energy, while for others it may come through a subtle means that is more difficult to recognize.

It doesn’t really matter which way creativity comes to you, the most important thing is to learn to recognize and understand your body’s patterns of communicating and the subtle messages that often get obscured by reality.

Many creative ideas are lost before they even have an opportunity to harvest within our minds, because we simply fail to recognize the obscure patterns of their subtle messages. Yet the solution lies hidden within our habitual patterns of thinking and behaving. By learning to watch and observe these subtle patterns, you will naturally condition your body to take notice of the creative messages that are coming your way.


Unlocking Your Creative Genius Mindset

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to journey into the mind of a creative genius?

Creative people have a somewhat unique way of thinking about things that allows their creative intellect to come to the forefront when they need it most. These creative individuals work on cultivating certain characteristics and belief systems within their psyche that proactively expand their understanding and awareness of the world around them.

Creative people have a tendency to talk to themselves in a specific way that naturally encourages their creativity to expand and evolve as they go about finding solutions to life’s daily problems and challenges.

Creative people take certain daily steps and actions that help them to expand their ability to think in new and unique ways.

Creative-WallpapersThe Characteristics of a Creative Genius

A creative genius cultivates certain and specific characteristics that are essential for creative thinking.

Let’s take a closer look at this creative mind by breaking down each of these characteristics one at a time:

Flexibility of Thought

A creative genius is flexible in the way they think and make decisions because creativity requires an open mind that takes many perspectives into consideration at one time. It is from this information that the creative mind is then able to piece together all of the essential ingredients that are required to bring their unique ideas into the physical world.

Possibility Thinker

A creative genius thinks that everything and anything is possible given enough time, thought and self-reflection.

Risk Taker

A creative genius naturally takes risks in thought and action, that help them to overcome the challenges they face in surprising and seemingly unexpected ways.

Focused Awareness

A creative genius sets clear goals and objectives that enhance their focus and awareness of what they need to do to achieve their desired outcomes.

Through the act of focus they are better able to direct their minds on the most important thoughts, concepts and ideas that will help them attain their end objective.

Courageous Disposition

A creative genius is courageous in thought and action.

Being courageous often  requires breaking the rules and going against orthodox methods of thinking and acting. They understand that the fastest way to a brilliant idea is achieved when they go against the grain.

Imaginative Mind

A creative genius cultivates, grows and expands their imagination every single day. They understand that to successfully overcome the problems and challenges in their lives, that they must always be thinking in unique ways from a variety of different perspectives.

The creative strategies of brainstorming that we will discuss later within this post will help you to get a deeper insight and understanding into this imaginative thought process.

Intuitive Perspective

A creative genius understands that the most brilliant ideas don’t often come from the conscious mind, but rather from deep within the unconscious recesses of their intuitive mind.

Playful and Curious Nature

A creative genius has a curious and playful nature that naturally expands their ability to think about events, objects, other people and circumstances in unique and creative ways.

They approach every problem from a reflective child-like perspective that is not constricted or limited by past thoughts and experiences — always open to asking insightful questions that expand possibilities.

Persistent

A creative genius understands that the answers won’t always reveal themselves in the first instance. They acknowledge the fact that it may be some time before the perfect idea comes to mind. As a result they approach each challenge as an unfolding journey of learning and experience that must be tackled in a persistent and patient manner.

Independent

Even though a creative genius takes other people’s ideas and opinions into consideration, they are essentially independent thinkers and doers.

As independent thinkers they are able to step away and reflect-upon the information they have gathered — piecing it together without the external pressure that the average individual falls prey to.

Not being swayed by the opinion of others, allows them to think critically about their problems, thusly attracting better and more insightful solutions that will help them to attain their goals and objectives.

Dedicated

A creative genius is thoroughly dedicated to their desired outcome. Through a dedicated spirit they are able to get more done in less time and with less effort.

Proactive

A creative genius always makes proactive decisions and takes proactive action. Yes, they can sit on their thoughts and ideas for long periods of time in order to allow them to cultivate and grow within their minds. However, once an idea has been effectively crystallized, they will not hesitate, and will take immediate action to bring their thoughts into the physical world.

The Beliefs Systems of a Creative Genius

A creative genius believes three fundamental things that direct all of their daily habits, thoughts, decisions and actions.

These three beliefs lay down the groundwork for the personality traits that we discussed above.

Belief in their Ability

A creative genius has an unshakable and an undeniable belief in their ability to think creatively and overcome any obstacle or problem that stands in their way.

Belief in a Higher Power

A creative genius believes that there is a higher power, a God-like figure or energy within the Universe that helps to trigger and stimulate their creative capacity.

They believe that this higher power connects all living things into a collective consciousness of sorts that each and everyone of us can tap into at any moment in time. They utilize this collective consciousness to spark creative ideas and solutions to the problems confronting their reality.

creative_genBelief that there is No Failure, Only Feedback

A creative genius wholeheartedly believes that there is no failure, only feedback.

Every decision and action has an outcome which brings with it specific consequences that we must learn to live with. If the resulting circumstances lead to negative consequences, then the average person will often perceive these events as mistakes or failures. However, a creative genius only sees the process of feedback taking shape. In fact, everything that occurs provides them with a greater array of feedback that helps them improve their thinking, decisions and actions.

How a Creative Genius Talks to themselves

A creative genius has a habitual process of self-talk that naturally enhances their ability to think creatively under significant amounts of pressure.

The Language of Creativity

The language that a creative genius uses is optimistic and focused on finding solutions to the challenges that are confronting their present reality.

Their language is also very reflective, which stimulates deep thought about their present life circumstances.

Questioning Tactics of Creativity

A creative genius utilizes strategic questioning tactics to help them think creatively about events and circumstances. These questions are focused on solutions and they always expand the possibilities of reality.

It is only through effective questioning tactics that a creative genius is able to bring forth the necessary creativity that allows them to manifest unique and ingenious ideas.

Here is a typical question a creative genius would normally ask:

How can I get the most from every mistake I make?

The Simple Actions of a Creative Genius

A creative genius takes specific actions throughout their day that enhances their creative thought process. Here is a closer look at some of these patterns of behavior:

Incorporating Journaling and Mind Mapping Tactics

A creative genius enjoys journaling or mind mapping their thoughts, ideas, learnings and experiences because it helps them trigger new insights and concepts. They understand that only through the process of turning a thought into a written word or diagram can they effectively take control of the vast amount of ideas that are continuously flowing in and out of their mind.

Leonardo da Vinci was one of the greatest inventors of all time. Did you know that he was an avid note taker? He understood that it was very difficult to make sense of his ideas if they weren’t concretely presented on paper and laid out in front of him in a logical way. It is through this diligent and dedicated process that he brought to life some of his most famous and well known inventions.

Proactive Learning

A creative genius understands that the process of creativity requires the constant and proactive habit of learning from every person, event, circumstance and experience.

They diligently take time each day to learn new things and take-in unique perspectives and ideas from other people and their environment. All of these new insights and learnings help them to further expand their creativity and awareness, thusly improving their ability to successfully overcome obstacles and challenges in unique and creative ways.

Process Orientation

A creative genius has an objective or goal in mind at all times, however, they are not fixated on their outcome, instead they focus their energy on the process of creation and the journey of transformation.

A creative genius meticulously absorbs themselves within the present moment or within the task they are currently working on. All of their thoughts, questions, energy and actions go into improving this process and bringing forth the ideal outcome that is consistent with their goal and objective.

Expanding Ability of Lucid Dreaming

A creative genius understands that dreams can unlock doors to magnificent insights and ideas that the conscious mind cannot even comprehend. Moreover, they realize that only through the process of tapping into the unconscious mechanics of their inner mind, can they effectively solve the pressing problems that are confronting their reality.

Creative geniuses have consciously taught themselves the process of lucid dreaming — helping them tap into the unlimited reservoir of resources and ideas contained within their unconscious mind.


Common Roadblocks Sabotaging Creativity

When it comes to stimulating creative thought, it’s sometimes not what you do but rather what you refrain from partaking-in that will most heavily influence the creative thinking process.

Within this section we will discuss some common external and internal roadblocks to creativity. As you read through these roadblocks, identify which ones are most applicable to your present circumstances or frame-of-mind.

External Roadblocks

These are roadblocks that come from the external environment. Let’s take a look at three common creativity culprits.

Messy Environment

A messy disorganized environment leads to a messy and disorganized mind.

We think with a greater clarity of thought when the environment within which we work, live and play is spotless and systematized.

In order to spark new creative insights the mind needs to be sharp and focused on only the process of attaining its goal and objective. If the external environment is messy, this leads to an overwhelming amount of sensory distractions that lead to ineffective thinking and unproductive habits.

It should however be noted that creative people tend to be messier and more disorganized than the average person.

Too Much Clutter

Clutter is closely intertwined with the previous point. However, the difference with clutter is that it can actually be organized and systematized in a way that improves our effectiveness and work efficiency.

Clutter can become an overwhelming distraction because it forces our minds to work through too much stuff, which undermines the creative thinking process.

A creative mind must have clarity of thought. It must have the ability to think freely and openly without falling into the web of a cluttered lifestyle.

Decide today to clear the clutter from your life, and you will open the doors to new creative insights and ideas.   

Sensory Distractions

A creative mind cannot think in creative ways if all it thinks about are the sensory distractions that get in its way.

To enhance your creative output, be sure to remove all sensory distractions from your external environment. Sensory distractions could be people, unnecessary movement of objects, unpleasant smells, sounds, and even inappropriate temperature settings that lead to discomfort and inefficient thought.

Internal Roadblocks

These are roadblocks that come from internal thoughts, habits and patterns of behavior. Let’s take a look at some of the most common creativity culprits.

Fear of Criticism

We cannot think creatively when we fear that others will criticize us for our thoughts and ideas.

Fear of Making a Mistake

We cannot think creatively when we fear that we will make a mistake. This fear will literally paralyze our process of thinking and therefore lead to hesitancy and doubt, which sabotages the creative thinking process.

Fear of Breaking the Rules

We cannot think creatively when we are afraid of breaking the rules.

A creative genius does not worry about standardized rules of thinking, acting or behaving. In fact, they acknowledge and understand that without breaking the rules, they will fail to develop their full creative potential.

The Emotion of Frustration

We cannot think creatively when we are suffering from frustration.

Frustration hints to us that we have the ability to think and do things in a specific way, however due to unexplained circumstances, we cannot seem to get what we want when we want it most.

Learn from your frustrations and alter your methods, strategies and tactics in order to help you achieve your desired outcome in quick succession.

The Emotions of Anger

We cannot think creatively when we are suffering from anger.

In many instances anger manifests as a result of ongoing long-term frustrations that we just cannot seem to overcome.

Manage anger through a process of deduction. Simply identify the source of your anger. Next, develop some simple strategies that will help you to better manage and control these objects, people or events. And finally work on logical and tactical methods that will move you forward in a proactive and productive way.

The Emotion of Overwhelm

We cannot think creatively when we are suffering from overwhelm.

We become overwhelmed when we are dealing with too many tasks, have too many responsibilities or simply lack clarity.

To help you overcome overwhelm, first take some time to gain clarity on the outcomes that you would like to achieve. Secondly, chunk your tasks and responsibilities down to make them easier to manage, delegate or let go of. And finally, systematize your environment, learn to manage your time more effectively, and take timeout to rejuvenate and clarify your thinking in a proactive way that will help you to stimulate creative thought.

Thoughts of Indecision

We cannot think creatively when we are indecisive.

Indecision comes from a lack of clarity. Do some research, set some goals and objectives, and gain clarity on the outcome you would like to achieve. Once clarity has been obtained, indecision will tend to wane, and your creativity will flourish.

Thoughts of Pessimism

We cannot think creatively when we are riddled with pessimistic thoughts.

A creative mind constantly thinks about possibilities, solutions, and seemingly improbable answers that help them to break down obstacles and barriers with a string of creative ideas.

Work through your pessimistic nature by focusing only on solutions, answers and possibilities to the problems that are currently shaping your reality.

Practical and Logical Thinking

We cannot think creatively if we continue to think about things practically.

A practical mind attempts to break down the validity and feasibility of an idea. This tends to stifle and paralyze creative thought — limiting the flow of ideas and inspiration that creativity brings forth into our minds.

To move through this roadblock successfully, simply ask yourself possibility questions that will help you to focus on solutions and answers.

Premature Judgment

We cannot think creatively if we persistently judge or jump to quick and rushed conclusions about the ideas that are harvesting within the recesses of our minds.

To help you move through this roadblock it is important to remember not to make quick judgments or conclusions before allowing an idea to grow and cultivate within your mind.

Following the Rules

We cannot think creatively if we just follow the standardized rules of thinking and doing things. Instead think outside the box, think creatively about every event, object and circumstance in a way that hasn’t been thought of before — making sure to break every rule within the rulebook along your way. ;)

Lack of Belief

We cannot think creatively if we have a lack of belief in our own creative ability.

Your belief systems determine the decisions and actions you make on a daily basis. This is why it is absolutely critical that you work on building an abundant amount of references (personal experiences) that will help you to gain confidence about yourself and your personal ability to be creative at all times.

Lack of Confidence

We cannot think creatively if we lack confidence in our ability to bring forth a creative idea.

The foundations of confidence evolve from the quality and strength of our belief systems. Transform and grow your belief systems, and they will help you to build the self-confidence you need to unleash your creative potential.

Lack of Inspiration

We cannot think creatively if we suffer from a lack of inspiration.

Inspiration comes through us in a variety of unique ways. Whether you find inspiration in music, nature, within other people, while watching plants grow, going to the movies, reading a motivational book, or by simply smelling flowers — it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you are able to tap and unlock this inspiration within yourself when you need it most, thusly enabling you to stimulate instant creativity.

The NLP process of anchoring is a great method to use that will help you stimulate inspiration. It basically involves the process of creating an anchor (through the process of touch) that automatically triggers an inspirational state of mind that helps stimulate your creativity.

Lack of a Concrete Vision

We cannot think creatively if we lack clarity about the future outcomes we would like to experience within our reality. This doesn’t mean that we must be meticulously specific about our approach towards obtaining these outcomes. In fact, in order to stimulate more profound creative thought, it is actually recommended that we are flexible with our approach, while at the same time being specific with the outcomes and visions we would like to realize within the physical world.

Lack of Energy

We cannot think creatively if we lack the physical energy to get out of bed in the morning.


Simple Strategies that Enhance Creativity

The creative process is a very personal experience. In fact, the creative methods of thinking that work well for one person, may indeed lead to a great deal of frustration for another person. This is why it is so important to develop your own personal style of thinking that will help you to expand on your thoughts and ideas in creative and unique ways. However, if at the moment you do not believe that you are very proficient with expanding your creative capacity, then the following suggestions will hopefully help you to gain a few unique insights and understandings that will encourage you to think creatively.

As you are reading through these strategies, make sure to expand-upon and restructure these methods in your own unique way. By taking ownership of these strategies you will effectively work through any problem and challenge that confronts your reality with greater proficiency and speed.

Conscious Stimulation of Creativity

As you go about your day it is important to stay focused and centered on your creative visions and objectives.

In order to help you with this process, here is a list of some simple methods you can utilize to stimulate your creativity throughout your day:

Day Dreaming

This is a wonderful method of bringing forth creative ideas to the forefront of your mind.

Begin by writing down a question you are seeking an answer to on a piece of paper, then rest back on your chair and close your eyes.

Now clarify the question within your mind by repeating it over and over again in a variety of ways.

After a couple of minutes just settle back and relax without longing for an answer. For the next 20 minutes or so, just enjoy the pleasant thoughts that flow across your mind like clouds floating through the sky. If you have enough focus and intention, you will often find that fragments of the answers you are looking for come to you as visions within your mind. Sometimes these visions will be somewhat obscure or metaphorical in nature. However, they will no doubt hold hidden clues to the answers you are seeking.

Pleasant Music

Music that relaxes and calms our mind naturally disarms us and stimulates the natural flow of creative ideas.

Whenever you seek inspiration, simply remove yourself from all external distractions, close your eyes and play your favorite piece of music. As the music plays, reflect on a pressing question that you seek answers to.

Once the question has been posed, just lay back and simply pay attention to the patterns of music that are currently absorbing every cell of your body. Believe it or not, you may actually find that your answers will come to you in visions reflected within the music you are listening to.

Laughter

Laughter is a great stimulator of creativity because it relieves stress and the tension that we carry around within our body. Therefore find as many ways as you can to laugh and be happy throughout your day.

Gaining Clarity

If in doubt, your creativity will not sprout. Therefore constantly work on gaining clarity about the outcomes you desire to experience throughout your day. The greater your clarity the more effectively you will think about the events and circumstances within your life, and this will likewise help to stimulate the creative spark within your mind.

Challenging Assumptions

As we go about our day, we tend to make an infinitesimal amount of assumptions about the events and circumstances of our lives.

Assumptions that are not questioned or challenged create roadblocks that prevent us from progressing forward with our lives. The worst part about this is that we are blinded by many of these roadblocks because we never question them in the first place.

Begin today by questioning even the most obvious of circumstances, and you will effectively open the doors to a surge of creative energy.

Thinking Like a Child

As previously discussed, children are very inquisitive, and this naturally stimulates a creative flow of energy that they bring forth into their daily thoughts, decisions and actions.

In order to keep this creative flow of energy circulating throughout your body, it is important to cultivate a constant and persistent curious nature as you go about your day. This will assist you with overcoming the problems and challenges that are confronting your life, while helping raise your emotional levels of awareness about events and circumstances.

Thinking in Metaphors

Metaphors are essentially the windows to the creative mind.

Many times we will fail to fully comprehend an idea when it is presented to us in a logical way. On the other hand, when the idea is articulated within a story that is focused on metaphorical concepts that are familiar to us, then it is instantly assimilated and understood.

This does take practice, however, the more often you think about the problems and challenges within your life from a metaphorical perspective, the greater your capacity for creative thought will be realized.

Thinking Using Possibility Questions

As you go about your day you must cultivate the habit of thinking in terms of possibilities. The best and most effective way to do this is by repeatedly asking one simple question:

What if…?

Enhancing Creativity Through Strategic Questioning

The problems and challenges we face every single day are nothing more than perspectives of our judgmental minds. They are only problems because we do not yet perceive them as being anything else. They are in fact overwhelming aspects of our lives, because we feel as though we lack control, the willpower and skill to deal with them in an effective way.

What most of us probably don’t realize is that our problems can easily be overcome if we just learn to ask ourselves the right kinds of questions that will expand our understanding about the problem from a variety of different perspectives. We must essentially obtain a full 360 degree overview of the problem before unleashing our creative juices. This process involves a three-pronged attack::

Identification Questions

These questions help identify the circumstances of the problem, which help you to see it from a variety of different angles and perspectives.

Here you would essentially ask who? what? when? where? why? and how? questions to assist you with identifying the circumstances and events that created the problem.

Time Specific Questions

These questions help identify the time specific effect of the problem.

These questions delve into the past, present, and future impact of the problem under question. The more thorough of an understanding we have about the time specific nature and impact of the problem, the more creatively and effectively we will be able to manage it.

Awareness Questions

These questions help to identify the personal impact that the problem has upon the individual — given the skills, resources, and tools that the individual has at their disposal.

The questions focus on the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical impact of the problem under question.

When we have a comprehensive understanding of how the problem will impact us — given everything we have at our disposal — then we will be better prepared to clear the path for the creative solutions that must follow.

Once you have completed this strategic questioning process, you are finally ready to take the plunge into the creative cycle which we discuss below.

The Creativity Cycle

The following is a quick summary of a recommended process of creativity that will help you unlock a deep reservoir of creative ideas:

Settlement Phase

In order to bring forth creative inspiration, your first objective is to settle yourself within a motivational and relaxing environment that naturally stimulates the creative thought process.

Rejuvenation Phase

Once you are settled and relaxed within your creative environment, you must now close your eyes and bring forth into your mind past creative successes and achievements that will help inspire and put you into a state of creation.

The greater the emotional intensity you bring forth here, the more inspiring the surge of creative energy you will feel expanding outwards from your body.

Creation Phase

At this point you are now ready to apply some of the creative strategies we will discuss below in order to bring forth unique, ingenious and brilliant ideas that will spark instant creativity.

It is important not to judge the concepts that you bring forth into your mind. Instead become a possibility thinker who persistently expands upon their ideas in many surprising and unexpected ways.

Take out a piece of paper and mind map the creative visions that are forming within the recesses of your mind.

Synchronization Phase

Having already conceptualized some brilliant ideas, you are now ready to draw out a plan of how you will bring these ideas into the physical world.

Begin now by thinking logically about your thoughts and ideas in ways that will help you to make sense of them in the real world.

This stage essentially involves drawing up a plan of action that will help you to implement your ideas with great proficiency within the final stage of the creativity cycle.

Implementation Phase

Having conceptualized an idea and drawn up a plan of action, you are now ready to take the necessary steps that will help you to bring your ideas into the physical world.

In order to improve the effectiveness and efficiency of your plan, it is important that you stick to a flexible approach and constantly expands your thinking and awareness about the possibilities and opportunities that you could take advantage of at any moment in time.

The SCRAMPER Technique of Creative Thought

SCRAMPER is a creative problem solving technique that will help you ignite new insights and ideas when confronted with daily challenges.

This post will only provide you with an introduction to this process. If you seek further insights into this technique than please have a read of creative problem solving with SCAMPER. Luciano has put together a very thorough analysis of this technique. As a bonus he is also giving away a free downloadable reference mind map and provides a link to an online questioning tool that will help you overcome your problems.

Before proceeding with this method of creative thinking, bring to mind a problem that is currently causing you a little difficulty.

As you read the questions one at a time, keep in mind that your goal is to stimulate creative thought, new insights and understandings that will help you view the problem from a unique angle and perspective.

Every step of the SCRAMPER technique will bring to light some intriguing solutions that you must further develop and expand upon in order to attain the outcome you are after. Hence it is paramount that you do not simply settle on this technique, but rather utilize all the strategies discussed up to this point.

Substitute

Here your creative goal and objective is to replace a part of your problem with something else. To do this you can change things, places, people, ideas or even your emotions. Each and every one of thesesubstitutions will provide you with a new insight and understanding that will help you reach an effective and creative solution to your problem.

Here are some questions you may like to ask:

How can I replace or change the parts of this problem with something that will best help me attain my desired outcome? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

How can I somehow replace the people involved within this problem? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

How can the rules be changed in someway in order to make this work? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

How can I change my feelings and attitude about this problem? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

Combine

Here your creative goal and objective is to combine different aspects of the problem in a unique and imaginative way that will help you to solve the dilemma that is confronting your reality.

The key here is combining seemingly unrelated ideas and concepts with the problem under question.

Here are some questions you might like to ask:

What ideas or parts of this problem could I potentially combine? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

How can I shift and combine different aspects of this problem in a way that will provide me with a solution? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

How can I merge this problem with other objects in a way that will provide me with a solution? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

Random Input

Here your creative goal and objective is to input random attributes of other objects, circumstances or problems in order to reach an effective creative solution.

Here are some questions you might like to ask:

How can I utilize the attributes of a newspaper (or any other object or person) to efficiently solve this problem? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

As an example, a newspaper has the following attributes: has a large area, is printed, is flexible, is made up of separate pieces, is soft, light and porous. Now, your goal is to take each of these attributes and randomly input them into your problem. Remember that your outcome is to stimulate creative thought, it’s about finding an effective solution at this moment.

You have to keep in mind that as you move through this SCRAMPER technique that it’s never one single idea that will lead you to a solution, but rather a combination of ideas that will spark the answers you need, to help you overcome this problem successfully.

How would I effectively deal with this problem if it was larger than I initially expected?

How would I effectively deal with this problem if it was flexible in nature?

How would I effectively deal with this problem if it was made up of separate bits and pieces? etc…

Adapt

Here your creative goal and objective is to adapt an existing idea in such a way that it will help you to successfully solve your problem.

Here are some questions you might like to ask:

What else is like this? How could I use it? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

Is there something similar to my problem, but in a different context?

What solutions does the past bring to light about the current problem?

What could I copy, borrow or steal from other approaches that were made in an attempt to solve this problem?

These approaches individually may not have worked. However if you combine a few of them together you may be surprised with the results.

Whose characteristics, strategy and methods could I model or emulate in order to successfully overcome this problem? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

Magnify

Here your creative goal and objective is to figure out ways you could magnify or exaggerate your problem in a way that could potentially bring to light some weaknesses or unique insights and perspectives.

Here are some questions you might like to ask:

How can I magnify and make this problem larger? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

How can I exaggerate and overstate the problem? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

How can I increase the frequency of this problem? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem? What hidden solutions may this bring to light?

How can I duplicate this problem in another area of my life?

The process of duplication may bring to light some amazing insights as you try and replicate the creation process that initially triggered this problem.

Put to Other Uses

Here your creative goal and objective is to see how you could potentially put the problem to other uses from alternative perspectives.

Here are some questions you might like to ask:

How can I utilize this problem to my advantage in order to bring forth an effective solution? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

How would a child effectively approach this problem? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

What other potential perspectives could exist that would provide me with effective solutions?

Eliminate

Here your creative goal and objective is to eliminate or minimize different parts of the problem.

Here are some questions you might like to ask:

How can I simplify this problem right down to its basic skeletal structure? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

What parts of the problem can I control and effectively remove or eliminate altogether? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem? Could it lead to a solution?

Rearrange

Here your creative goal and objective is to rearrange your problem in such a way that it spins the problem on its head and provides you with a unique perspective.

Here are some questions you might like to ask:

How can I rearrange the problem in such a way that I successfully minimize its negative consequences? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

Can I change the speed, time, or location of this problem in order to successfully minimize its negative consequences? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

What potential solutions come to light if I viewed the problem back-to-front? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?

What potential ingenious solutions could I bring to light if I did the exact opposite of what I thought? What effect would that have? How would it transform my perspective about the problem?


Final Thoughts

From an outsiders perspective, creativity can seem like an omnipotent ability that is somewhat mystical in nature. The great thinkers of this world make it seem so easy and natural as they go about their daily lives bringing seemingly impossible concepts into physical reality. Yet there is a lot more to creativity then at first meets the eye.

Creativity is a habitual process of thought and reflection about the world, that brings to light new learnings, perspectives and understandings. It is a structured process of ongoing development, that is at the same time very flexible in its nature. And yet it is simply a process, that can be learned, mastered, and perfected.

Improve your Self-Concept

What is a Self-Concept?

A self-concept is an understanding you have of yourself that’s based on your personal experiences, body image, the thoughts you have about yourself, and how you tend to label yourself in different situations.

A self-concept can also be defined as an all encompassing awareness you had of yourself in the past; the awareness you have of yourself in the present; and the expectations you have of yourself at a future time.

Your self-concept is built upon perception — how you perceive yourself based on the knowledge you have gained over a lifetime of experience. This perception you have of yourself is based on the information you have gathered about your values, life roles, goals, skills, abilities and much more.

Your self-concept is more or less a collection of beliefs you have about your own nature, qualities and behavior. It’s all about how you think and evaluate yourself at any given moment in time. It is a perception of your image, abilities, and in some ways a perception of your own individual uniqueness.

To truly understand what a self-concept is and its impact on your life, we first need to break down the three components of a self-concept based on the work of Humanist Psychologist Carl Rogers:

  • Self-Image: This is in essence what you see in yourself. It is all about how you see yourself in the present moment. This includes the labels you give yourself about your personality, and it also includes the beliefs you have about how the external world perceives you. It’s however important to note that your self-image is not necessarily based on reality. For instance, a person with anorexia may have a self-image that makes them believe they are obese, however in reality that is far from the truth. Therefore self-image is only your own perception of yourself and has no real basis in reality.
  • Self-Ideal: This is how you wish you could be at a future time. This is your ideal self, or the ideal person you envision of being and becoming. Many times, how people see themselves and how they would like to see themselves don’t quite match up. And this is what can cause problems and lead to self-sabotage behavior and emotional struggles.
  • Self-Esteem: This encompasses your current emotional experiences. It also refers to the extent to which you like or approve of yourself, or the extent to which you value yourself. You might therefore for instance have a positive or negative view of yourself. When you have a negative view of yourself you are seen as having low self-esteem. This often manifests in a lack of confidence and pessimism. On the other hand, when you have a positive view of yourself you are seen as having high self-esteem. This often manifests in a confident disposition, self-acceptance and optimism.

A healthy and strong self-concept will help you to get ahead in life. It will allow you to maximize your potential and get the most out of your strengths, talents and abilities. On the other hand, a weak self-concept will hinder your progress. In fact, a weak self-concept will most likely lead to self-sabotage behavior. As a result you will struggle to follow through with your actions and thereby fail to achieve the goals and objectives you have set for yourself.

The Importance of a Healthy Self-Concept

The importance of having a healthy self-concept becomes more evident when you come to understand that it influences your ability to manage your emotions; it determines how far you will step outside your comfort zone to solve a problem or achieve a goal; it influences how you utilize your physiology; it impacts the questions you ask on a daily basis; and it affects how you interact with people, how you think about yourself, others and circumstances. Putting all this together, your self-concept effectively determines what you will attempt or avoid doing at any moment in time. It therefore influences your inherent potential to do, be, have and achieve your desired objectives.

The Forces Influencing Your Self-Concept

There are a number of forces that influence your self-concept and therefore impact how healthy or unhealthy it becomes over time. Some of these forces come from internal sources, while other forces come from external sources. Let’s look at both of them briefly:

  • Internal Sources: What you think about yourself and/or others, what you pay attention to, how you interpret the events and circumstances of your life, and how you reframe both failure and success impacts your self-concept.
  • External Sources: The environment you spend most of your time in, your interactions with others, and how other people tend to label you has a significant impact on your self-concept.

The most important thing to note here is the impact that other people have on your self-concept. Through rejection, judgment, ridicule, and criticism, other people often influence how you feel about yourself, the labels you give yourself, and essentially what you believe about yourself, your own abilities, and the world around you. In fact, your self-worth is tied to the people in your life. Therefore if you are struggling with an unhealthy self-concept, then it could very well be a result of the interactions you have with other people on a daily basis.

The bad news is that all of these internal and external sources have a profound impact on your self-concept. The good news is that starting today you can begin taking positive and proactive action to make the necessary changes to help improve your self-concept and thereby transform your life for the better.


Symptoms of a Poor Self-Concept

An unhealthy or poor self-concept is never helpful. It will often limit your opportunities, deny you access to essential resources, and undermine your potential.

A low self-concept signifies that you have a low value of yourself. And when you value yourself in this way, you naturally lack the confidence to take the bold steps you need to take in order to improve your life and circumstances. This makes you incredibly unresourceful and vulnerable to change, problems and uncertainty. Life very quickly becomes overwhelming and difficult to bear. You struggle with your emotions, and with your decisions. Nothing is easy. But it shouldn’t be this way. Your poor self-concept is getting in the way. It is filtering out the reality of how life is and creating an alternate reality that you have unfortunately wholeheartedly accepted as the truth.

Now, on the surface we can become so caught up with our own lives, that it’s difficult to pinpoint whether or not we are suffering from a low self-concept. However, there are certain signs that you can look out for that provide a clear indication of an unhealthy self-concept. For instance:

  • Failure to give affection.
  • Constantly comparing yourself to other people.
  • Displays of jealousy.
  • Consistently rejecting compliments.
  • Perpetual criticism of yourself and maybe even of others.
  • Indulging in negative self-talk manifesting in pessimism.
  • Feeling persistently guilty about what you did or didn’t do, or should have done.
  • Undermining your own personal needs in favor of others.
  • Overall poor emotional and physical health.

Taken individually these symptoms don’t indicate that you have a poor self-concept. However, if you’ve ticked 3 or 4 of these points off your list, then that’s probably a clear indication that your self-concept is lacking in some respects. And that should present you with a “wake-up call” to begin taking positive action that will help you improve your thoughts, beliefs, decisions and actions moving forward.

It’s important to note that all of these signs are nothing more than defensive mechanisms that protect you from emotional harm. Your body and mind is doing its best to cope with life, events and circumstances, however oftentimes these coping strategies don’t quite work to your advantage. What’s worse is that you might begin indulging in other kinds of behaviors in an attempt to make yourself feel better about yourself and your life. For instance you might:

  • Shift into “denial mode” and deny that anything is wrong despite evidence to the contrary.
  • Make assumptions and/or justifications that aren’t based on fact but rather only on your biased “rose-colored” view of reality.
  • Launch into a verbal barrage where you attack others or even attack yourself based on your false perceptions of how things are and how they should be.
  • Choose to bask in negativity. Life sucks as it is, so why not just wallow in self-pity and experience the full brunt of your negative feelings?
  • Try and avoid people and circumstances by distracting yourself with addictions and other unhealthy habits.

All of these semi-coping strategies might provide you with some semblance of control. They might even provide you with some relief and temporary satisfaction. However, in the long-run they will only hurt you because you are simply unable to face the reality of your circumstances. You are unable to face the truth, and without the truth, you will not be able to make the changes that are necessary to help you transform your self-concept and take charge of your life.


Transforming Your Self-Concept

Transforming your self-concept will not be an easy task. In fact, it will take patience, time and a great deal of effort. Throughout this journey you might be forced let go of old habits, of unhelpful beliefs, and of limiting thoughts. You might even need to change your behavior, and begin to question the value of how you’ve been living your life. Moreover, your choices and decisions might need to shift, and you might even need to stretch yourself outside your comfort zone in order to attain new insights and perspectives that will provide you with a fresh view of your life and circumstances.

Even though this journey and the inevitable transformation will not be easy, it will however be worth your while. No longer will you be at the mercy of your rose-colored view of reality. Instead, you will have taken control. And with control comes confidence, and with confidence comes power — power to transform your life with purpose.

Before moving on, it’s important to note that the quality of your life is dependent on your emotional state of mind. What this means is that when your emotions are healthy and serving your greater good, then the quality of your life with likewise improve. It will improve because life always comes down to the emotional experiences you allow into your personal world. When our emotional experiences are of a healthy and positive nature, this improves the quality of our thoughts, and as our thoughts improve so do our choices, decisions and actions. And when you make better choices and decisions throughout your day you will get better results, and with better results you will feel better about yourself, and when you feel better about yourself, your self-concept grows stronger. And that is in essence the key that will help you transform a poor self-concept into something that can help empower you moving forward for the rest of your life.

Make a Personal Contract

Before you begin working through the suggestions that will help you transform your self-concept, it’s important that the very first thing you do is make a personal agreement/contract with yourself that provides you with the green light to make the necessary changes that will help move you in the right direction. Acknowledge to yourself that:

Things must change…

I am responsible for this change…

I am committed to this change…

If you are unable to tick-off all three of these boxes, then you are not yet ready to make the necessary changes to transform your life for the better.

The first step is to always acknowledge that changes need to be made. If you can’t acknowledge that there is something wrong, then there’s no point continuing down this process.

Secondly, you need to take responsibility to make these changes. Nobody is responsible for your life but yourself. Without “you” this can’t be done. You must therefore take the responsibility on your shoulders that you, and you alone, are responsible for making these changes.

Thirdly, you must be committed to making the necessary changes to improve your life. Without commitment there is no motivation, and without motivation there are not enough reasons for you to make the necessary changes, and that’s essentially where things fall apart.

You therefore need to acknowledge that things must change, you need to take responsibility for this change, and you need to commit yourself to follow through with this change until its completion. Once you’ve ticked all three of these boxes, you will be ready to take the first step along your journey to a healthier self-concept.

Discover Who You Are to Bridge the Gap

Your very first step to transforming your self-concept is to discover who you are. Now this might seem silly. You might be thinking that you know who you are. Yes! Of course you might think you know who you are, however who are you really? Have you ever taken the time to think about that question?

What you are going to try and do here is to identify the gap between “who you are” and “who you are seeking to become”. In order to strengthen your self-concept, you must figure out how to bridge this gap successfully. You must essentially merge the YOU in the NOW together with the YOU in the FUTURE.

This of course isn’t going to be an easy process. In fact, there will always be some kind of discrepancy, and this is important because without a discrepancy there will be no motivation to grow and develop yourself over time. However, if this discrepancy is too significant between the YOU of today and the YOU you desire to become in the future, then your self-concept will suffer as a result. There must be congruence there, or otherwise self-actualization cannot occur.

Take some time now to have a think about the following set of questions:

Who am I?

Who am I really?

Who am I physically?

Who am I socially?

Who am I emotionally?

Who am I spiritually?

Who am I in terms of my accomplishments?

Who am I in terms of my failures and mistakes?

Who am I in terms of my goals?

Who am I in terms of my social roles?

Who am I really? Why?

Who am I not? Why not?

The purpose here is to identify how you see yourself in the present moment, and then compare that against the final set of questions laid out below that ask what kind of person you are seeking to become.

Each of these questions will provide you with some very different perspectives. And that is perfectly okay. Embrace these differences, because this is in essence how you see yourself on a day-to-day basis. It’s also important to note that there is nothing wrong with your answers to these questions. Things are the way they are. What’s most relevant here is whether or not these answers are congruent with the answers you give to the following set of questions:

Who am I ideally seeking to become?

How do I see myself in the future?

What kind of person is this person? What’s this person like?

What kinds of qualities does this person have?

How does this person think?

How does this person talk to themselves?

What kind of questions does this person ask themselves?

What kind of emotions does this person experience?

What kind of habits does this person indulge in?

What experiences does this person have on a day-to-day basis?

What kinds of goals is this person working towards?

What kind of person is this person really?

Your ideal self must be congruent with your perceived self in the present moment. If there is a significant difference between the two, then you have a lot of work in front of you to bridge this gap — thereby strengthening your self-concept.

Let’s now take a closer look at the gap. Ask yourself:

What’s the gap between my perceived self and my ideal self?

Where is the gap most significant?

Where is the gap not so significant?

Is the distance between the gap realistic?

How could I begin bridging this gap starting today?

Your objective for the remainder of this journey is to begin bridging that gap between your ideal self and the self you are experiencing at this very moment. The more congruent both of these self’s are, the stronger and healthier your self-concept will become. As such, be sure to keep this in mind as you work through each of the guidelines listed below.

Before moving on, a word of caution. Your self-ideal must be realistic and achievable, otherwise you will struggle to meet these high standards, and as a result your self-concept will continue to suffer. The key then is to ensure that your self-ideal is not completely out of this world — at least not at the beginning. Lower your standards and expectations to make them achievable. Then once they are reached you can then raise the bar a little higher. Then once that’s achieved and feels comfortable you can then raise the bar higher again. It’s all about taking slow progressive steps.

As a side note, this article is not about working through self-image disorders such as Anorexia. Remember that your self-image is often not based on reality. It’s rather based on your interpretations of reality. Therefore if your self-image is based on false assumptions or distorted perspectives, then you will first need to work through these issues before moving through the process outlined within this article. This article in particular is more about using this process to help build your confidence so that you can take the necessary action steps to achieve your desired goals and objectives.

Making the Necessary Changes

There are numerous suggestions and guidelines presented here that will help you transform your self-concept. Some of these suggestions are easy and quick to implement, while others might take a little time. What’s most important is “what you focus on” while making the necessary changes to your life. This essentially comes down to three fundamental things:

  • Changing your habits of thought.
  • Changing your self-talk.
  • Changing your belief patterns.

No matter how you proceed moving forward, every positive change you desire to make to your self-concept comes down to just these three things. Therefore, no matter what ideas you decide to implement be sure to always keep in mind how these changes can be made in terms of your thoughts, self-talk and belief patterns.

All this will hopefully start making more sense as you work your way through the following ideas.

Transform Your Inner World

Look inside yourself and become aware of your thoughts, your self-talk, your beliefs, the questions you ask, and the rules that govern your day-to-day decisions. Ask yourself:

Are my thoughts aligned with my self-image?

What kind of thoughts do I allow myself to dwell upon?

What are these thoughts doing to me?

How do these thoughts make me feel?

What about my self-talk?

How do I tend to talk to myself?

What questions do I tend to ask myself?

What are the consequences of my self-talk and the questions I ask myself?

What do I tend to believe about myself?

What do I tend to believe about my abilities?

Is this congruent with my self-ideal?

How does all this make me feel?

What about the rules that govern my day-to-day decisions?

How do these rules influence my daily undertakings?

Are all these things congruent with my self-ideal?

How can I make the necessary adjustments to match my self-image with my self-ideal?

Your objective is to reach congruence in these areas. Your self-image will never directly align with your self-ideal, however you can certainly make the necessary adjustments to your mindset to move yourself in the right direction.

To assist you with this transition process, it’s important to give yourself time for meditation and visualization. Meditation can provide you with clear insights moving forward. It will help you to clear the clutter from your mind so that you can make better decisions in the future. Visualization on the other hand can provide you with the vision you need to gain a better understanding of how you see yourself in the future. This will likewise help you lay down a much clearer path to help you get to that desired outcome.

How you think about things has a lot to do with your perceptions and interpretations. For instance, interpreting things one way will give you access to certain resources and opportunities. However, interpreting things another way will provide you with access to other resources and opportunities, or it might even deny you access completely. It’s therefore important to keep in mind that how you frame and/or reframe your experiences will determine what you gain or lose from your experience. Hence, when problems arise, it’s not what happens to you but how you interpret what happens that makes all the difference in the end.

Transform Your Physiology

When it comes to our physiology, it’s important to remind ourselves that the body and mind are not separate entities. What this means is that how you think and how you emotionalize your experiences influences how you use your physiology. Likewise, how you use your physiology influences how you think and emotionalize your experiences. They are both interconnected, and therefore what you do to one directly has an influence on the other.

Given all this, have a think about your body and how you tend to use it throughout the day. Do you move your body with confidence, or do you tend to move it in a sluggish way? What about how you breathe? What about your posture? These are all very important questions to ask because by making some small adjustments to your physiology you will indirectly influence your inner world. And as your inner world changes you will begin bridging the gap between where you are today and your ideal self of tomorrow.

Improve Your Lifestyle Choices

When it comes to your lifestyle, you need to start making some better choices that will help move you towards your ideal self. Ask yourself:

What kind of life does my ideal self live?

How often does my ideal self exercise?

What kind of food does my ideal self eat?

In what kind of environment does my ideal self spend the majority of time?

What does my ideal self spend time on?

How does my ideal self tend to work? Where? On what?

What kinds of lifestyle choices does my ideal self make?

How can I begin bridging the lifestyle gap between where I am today and my ideal self of tomorrow?

Go through these questions and get a strong sense of the changes that you might need to make to bridge the gap between where you are today and your ideal self. And again, keep reminding yourself that it’s all about reaching a state of congruence as much as possible so that your current self (self-image) matches your self-ideal on as many levels as possible.

Strengthen Your Confidence

When you have an unhealthy self-concept, you will struggle with your confidence. And when you struggle with your confidence you’re often very susceptible to rejection, to criticism, to judgment, and to the influence of others. All this weighs heavily on you and as a result you might even have a tendency to turn the good things upside-down. For instance, accepting compliments might be very difficult for you. It’s difficult because you don’t feel you’re worthy or you don’t feel you deserve having good things said about you. And this eventually becomes a very big problem because your happiness is now reliant on other people. No longer are you in control of your own feelings and emotional experiences.

Strengthening your confidence can be achieved in many different ways. However, let’s not concern ourselves with all those confidence boosting techniques. The most important thing you need to do before you do anything else is to explore self-love. Before you can feel confident in the external world, you must first find confidence within yourself, and that comes through self-love.

Self-love means fully accepting yourself despite your flaws, despite your weaknesses, and despite your inadequacies. It means feeling comfortable in your own skin no matter what you look like or how you feel.

To take the first step into self-love, begin by spending more time with yourself. However, don’t just spend time watching television, actually spend time pampering yourself by getting a massage, by enjoying a hot sauna, by going for a walk in a park, etc. Reconnect with yourself first. And only once you’ve found that connection will you be able to project this new found sense-of-confidence into the outside world.

Gain Relevant Knowledge and Skills

Your ideal self has certain skills, knowledge and abilities. Identify what these things are and then go to work to acquire the relevant knowledge and skills you need that will help you bridge the gap between your self-image and your self-ideal. You might find this knowledge and skills in books, by taking courses, by volunteering your time to a cause, or by connecting with other people who already have the skills and knowledge you are searching for. Given this, it might actually be helpful to get a mentor or life coach — someone who might be able to guide you along this journey.

Build Your Support Network

As you work on developing your knowledge and skills you will most certainly need support along your journey. You will need people who can be there for you to help you through the tough times and through all your struggles. You will need people who can provide you with the emotional support you need when faced with difficulties. And you will need people who will accept you unconditionally without the usual strings attached. These people must of course be positive, inspiring, creative, passionate and caring. They must be giving and generous, and they must also be joyful and happy.

These are the kinds of people that should make up your support network. They might be friends, colleagues, family members, life coaches and/or mentors. They will be there to prop you up when things are not going well, and they will also be there to help keep you motivated and inspired as you make progress towards your ideal self.

Use this support network to help and guide you, however don’t give up control of your own life by putting your destiny in the hands of others. This will never work out well in the long-run. You must be in charge of your own decisions and actions.

Being in charge of your own life means not concerning yourself with what others think. It means not worrying about criticism or rejection. And it means not comparing yourself with others. You are on your own unique path. These people are there to support you, but ultimately you make the final decisions and you have the final word that determines the direction you will take.

Set Inspiring Goals

Having inspiring goals means that your life has purpose and meaning. This keeps you motivated and active. However, you don’t just want to set random goals. You actually want to set goals that match your self-ideal. So ask yourself:

What goals is my ideal self working towards?

What purpose is my ideal self striving for?

What inspires and motivates my ideal self?

Once you have your answers to these questions, set some inspiring goals and lay down a plan of action that will help you bridge the gap between where you are today and where you ideally would like to be in the future.

And that’s it. Just go out there and begin your journey. Take all of these suggestions on board and begin designing your life with passion and purpose.

Can you be Managerial Thinker

The Managerial Blue Hat Thinker

An effective problem solver has to have a means of managing and directing their thought process in a proactive way. Likewise, they must have a way of processing and guiding each of their thoughts in a neutral and unbiased manner that’s focused on improving the effectiveness and efficiency of the process.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the Blue Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a blue hat thinker, concluding a set of questions that will help you to think more managerially about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the blue hat is the Movie Director.

A movie director manages actors, cameramen, shooting angles, props, scripts and other factors that are critical to creating a successful blockbuster movie experience.

In exactly the same way a blue hat manages the thinking process allowing for better synergy between the thought patterns and habits of the other thinking hats.

Let’s take a look at some of the blue hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Think about Thinking

The primary role of the blue hat is to think about the process of thinking.

Every thought that it has is focused on improving the efficiency and effectiveness of the thinking process that filters through the other five hats. The smoother, faster and more proficient this process becomes, the greater the possibility that an effective solution to the problem can be found.

Define the Problem

The blue hat must clearly define the problem under question in writing. If you fail to define the problem clearly and meticulously, then you will waste precious time directing your energies on irrelevant thoughts and activities that only lead to dead-ends and promises of better answers.

Gather Global Perspective About Problem and Solution

The blue hat is very much removed from the problem and its associated solutions. It rather sits back and plays the role of a court judge, who oversees the facts, arguments and opinions of every hat from a global perspective. It then uses these insights to decide on a suitable plan of action that will help nullify this problem and set the course for a brighter destination.

Manage Other Hats

The blue hat plays the part of a manager looking after the subordinates under its care. Within this role, the blue hat helps to improve the flow of communication between all the hats, thereby encouraging better insights and ideas that will bring about ideal solutions to the problem at hand.

Manage Time

The blue hat understands the importance of time and how critical it is to the effective management of the problem solving process. As a result the blue hat plays the role of the timekeeper, by allocating specific chunks of time to the other hats and to specific topics that are necessary to bring about effective solutions to the problem at hand.

The blue hat is consciously aware at all times that time is precious and should be spent wisely on areas that will bring about the highest thinking returns to help overcome a problem successfully.

Manage Flow of Ideas

The blue hat’s role is to manage the flow of ideas between the hats with the greatest of efficiency.

The blue hat must successfully piece together all of these scattered thoughts and grow them into something that will bring about an ideal solution to the problem at hand.

Each thinking hat has a set of unique ideas, approaches and perspectives. The blue hat must merge these unique thoughts in a constructive way, otherwise the thought process will stumble and stagnate in the face of adversity.

Manage Implementation of Ideas

Unique and creative ideas are wonderful, however unless we find a means of integrating them into our physical reality, then we will simply fail to grasp the opportunities that are being presented before us. For this very reason, the blue hat’s final role is to manage the implementation of ideas by bringing them forth into the world in the most effective and efficient way.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the blue hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish. By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Improve Efficiency and Effectiveness of Thinking

The blue hat’s primary objective is to improve the efficiency and effectiveness of the thinking process. The better it is able to manage the thinking of the other hats, the more proficient it will become with identifying key ideas and insights that could be critical for the problem solving process.

Formulate Suitable Questions to Direct Thinking

The blue hat understands that asking the right kinds of questions of each thinking hat will lead to ideal answers and insightful solutions, thusly helping you overcome your problems more effectively.

The blue hat must be clever in its approach to questioning. It must thoroughly understand how to profoundly stimulate the thinking process of each thinking hat in a way that will expand the possibilities of reality, while minimizing the personal biases and limitations that each hat brings into the problem solving process.

To Determine Agenda, Rules, Goals and Tasks

One of the blue hat’s primary goals is to set an agenda for the thinking, to settle on the rules of the discussion, and to effectively set tasks and objectives that will persistently drive the thinking process forward towards an ideal solution to the problem at hand.

To Organize Ideas and Plans of Action

Finally the blue hat must collate all the ideas and thoughts brought forward by the other thinking hats, and formulate them together into an effective plan of action that will put an end to the problem that is confronting your reality.

The more thoroughly it is able to piece together these dispersed thoughts and ideas, the more ammunition it will have to bring these plans to fruition.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a blue hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a blue hat thinker.

What problem am I facing?

How can I best define this problem?

What is my goal and outcome?

What do I seek to achieve by solving this problem?

What is the most effective method of proceeding from this position?

How can I best organize and arrange my thinking to help move me beyond my present circumstances?


The Neutral White Hat Thinker

An effective problem solver has to have a means of collecting, collating, organizing and presenting information in a neutral and unbiased way. Likewise they must have a method of reaching effective logical solutions based on the hard facts and data they have collected.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the White Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a white hat thinker, concluding with a set of questions that will help you to think more neutrally about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the white hat is The Detective.

A detective searches for clues, for evidence and for facts that will help them to effectively solve the case they are working on. They thoroughly understand that a piece of evidence may not be all it seems on the surface. Hence they are neutral and don’t jump to quick conclusions before all the facts and pieces of evidence have been put into their proper perspective.

In exactly the same way a white hat collects facts, stats and data that help it piece together the information it needs to reach logical fact-based solutions to the problems confronting your reality.

Let’s take a look at some of the white hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Symbolic Roles

The primary role of the white hat is to objectively collate and present facts, stats, data and information in a way that will enable the other thinking hats to expand their thinking and awareness about the problem under question.

Roles Must Avoid

Throughout the thinking process the white hat must at all costs avoid making conclusions or judgments about the information it is collecting and presenting.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the white hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish. By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Exposition of Stats and Facts

The white hat’s primary objective is to collect and collate relevant facts, stats, pieces of information and data about the problem that will help open new avenues to potential solutions.

These facts are based on questions that are focused on the What? Where? When? and How?

Seeking Facts over Opinions and Beliefs

The white hat seeks facts over everything else.

In the realm of white hat thinking there are no beliefs or opinions, there are just solid concrete facts and evidence that unveils the problem in all its glory.

Bringing to Light Gaps in Knowledge

Through its exposition of key facts, the white hat often unlocks important pieces of information and gaps in our knowledge about the problem and the possible solutions that may lie ahead as we work towards our desired outcomes.

Bringing Forth Possible Logical Solutions

Based on the facts, stats, information and data that the white hat has collected, its objective is now to bring forth a set of logical neutral solutions that will help stimulate the thinking processes of the other hats.

This concrete information will now become the basis for the reflective thinking that is about to take place.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a white hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a white hat thinker.

Please note: that the first two questions are based on the facts, stats and data that you already have on hand.

What do I know about this problem?

What don’t I know about this problem?

What can I learn from this problem?

What more would I like to learn about this problem?

How will I go about acquiring the facts, stats and data that will help me resolve this problem?

What potential solutions exist based on the facts, stats and data that I have collected?


The Intuitive Red Hat Thinker

An effective problem solver has to have a means of intuitively making sense of the problems confronting their everyday reality, including an awareness of the possible solutions that could lead them down the path of unbridled opportunity. Moreover they must have a way of effectively filtering out any preconceived biases that may sway their intuitive feelings and opinions.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the Red Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a red hat thinker, concluding with a set of questions that will help you to think more intuitively about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the red hat is The Heart.

A heart is a very intuitive organ that senses subtle changes in feeling and emotion when circumstances present themselves.

In exactly the same way a red hat brings forward its intuitive feelings and emotions to help guide and provide direction to possible solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at some of the red hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Symbolic Roles

The primary role of the red hat is to emotionally and intuitively present effective solutions and direction for further action, based on its personal feelings and hunches.

Roles Must Avoid

Throughout the thinking process the red hat must at all costs avoid rationalizing or trying to justify its feelings about the solutions it is bringing to mind.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the red hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish both directly and indirectly. The indirect objectives must be identified by the other thinking hats via the red hat’s subtle unconscious tendencies.

By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Seeks Intuitive Proposals

The red hat’s primary objective is to intuitively bring to mind proposals and plans of action based on its personal feelings and hunches.

Our feelings are very interesting and somewhat mysterious chemical processes that stimulate mental activity within the brain. When they are pure and removed from personal emotions and biases, they can lead us in unexpected directions towards solutions we logically never considered were possible.

Seeks Other People’s Feelings

The red hat is very open-minded and seeks to identify and clarify other people’s feelings — relating intuitively to the problem at hand. They fully understand that when someone is completely removed from the problem, that they are likely to bring to mind ideas and suggestions that would normally cloud their everyday judgment and awareness.

Seeks Emotional Point-of-View

The red hat often seeks an emotional understanding of the problem, and therefore brings to mind solutions based on their personal unconscious emotional tendencies.

It’s very important for the other thinking hats to recognize this, as it unveils certain personal biases, hidden emotions, and reactions that may effectively sabotage the problem solving process.

Unveils Hidden Strengths of Ideas

Sometimes ideas and potential solutions to your problems may seem weak and somewhat impractical at first. However, if the red hat intuitively brings to mind a plan of action that it feels must be followed, this naturally draws the other hat’s attention and energy in a new direction that could potentially hold hidden strengths and opportunities not evident on the surface.

By giving this new idea its deserved attention, you are now expanding possibilities that you may never have considered before.

Unveils Hidden Weaknesses

The red hat’s intuitive feelings may also unveil hidden weaknesses in ideas, in people, and in yourself.

For instance, if the red hat intuitively supports an unpopular solution, then this effectively raises a red flag, and forces the other hats to think differently about the potential ideas laid out on the table.

All this brings to question that maybe some solutions aren’t as clearcut as they seem? Or maybe better contingency plans need to be set in place?

Another important point to consider is that the red hat’s intuitive feelings may in fact bring to mind personal weaknesses in terms of skills and knowledge that you may need to develop within yourself in order to deal with this problem more effectively.

For instance, if the red hat’s feelings are pointing away from a popular solution, then this could very well indicate that you don’t have enough resources, or you simply lack some sort of understanding to fully make this solution work for you.

Unveils Hidden Internal Conflicts

The red hat is as human as all the other thinking hats. Its natural tendencies and decisions may therefore indirectly reveal subtle internal conflicts that boil up within its psyche. These conflicts can affect the red hat’s hunches and could essentially lead to biased feedback that may sabotage the problem solving process.

It is of primary importance that the blue hat spots these tendencies and sets on a course of effective questioning tactics that will help the other hats bring these conflicts to the surface.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a red hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a red hat thinker.

What is my gut telling me about this solution?

What are my feelings telling me about the choice I am about to make?

Based on my feelings, is there a better way to go about this?

Intuitively, is this the right solution to this problem?


The Pessimistic Black Hat Thinker

An effective problem solver has to have a means of proactively identifying the pitfalls, dangers and flaws of potential solutions. Moreover they must have a way of presenting this information in an unemotional and detached manner that isn’t riddled with preconceived ideas or biased opinions.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the Black Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a black hat thinker, concluding with a set of questions that will help you to think more realistically and critically about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the black hat is The Reaper.

A Reaper is a mythical creature who brings death and destruction to the living. Yet at the same time the Reaper is an unemotional entity displaying no fear or love to the contrary.

The Reaper isn’t necessarily good or evil, it just-is what it is. It’s nature is dark and gloomy, however as with everything in life, it has a purpose and plays a critical role in the cycle of life.

In exactly the same way a black hat is pessimistic and gloomy in nature, always seeking to pinpoint holes, flaws, weaknesses and dangers within ideas. It doesn’t do this to be spiteful or destructive, but rather to bring forth scenarios that will better help the other hats build suitable contingency plans for the possible problems that may lie ahead on the foggy road towards a solution.

Let’s take a look at some of the black hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Symbolic Roles

The primary role of the black ht is to evaluate, judge, caution and criticize the solutions and plans of action that have been brought to light by the other thinking hats.

Roles Must Avoid

Throughout the thinking process the black hat must at all costs avoid bringing to mind personal biases that are built upon fear, jealousy, anger and other negative emotions that may impede and magnify its critical analysis of the solutions to the problem at hand.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the black hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish.

By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Consideration of Possible Flaws and Dangers

The black hat’s primary direct purpose is to unveil all the possible flaws and dangers that could sabotage the goals and outcomes you are wanting to achieve.

Every solution you come up with may seem wonderful, soft, comforting and cozy on the surface. However, that is only its external appearance. The reality of the matter is that within its interior it could hold dark dangers and secrets that if left to unchecked may sabotage the solution you are searching for. And this is where the black hat excels and saves the day, by helping you see the fatal flaws of your potential actions before you jump headfirst into the pool filled with deadly sharks lurking under the calm waters.

Consideration of Inadequate Resources

Another important objective of the black hat is to bring to mind a plethora of resources that you simply do not yet have on hand.

These resources could be skills, knowledge, support or time.

If the solution you are aiming for requires key resources that you are sorely lacking, then the black hat will make you aware of these inadequacies.

Elimination of Weaknesses and Bad Ideas

The black hat’s primary indirect objective is to eliminate all weaknesses and ill-thought-through ideas. It does this indirectly through it’s pessimistic and critical nature.

Once these weaknesses have been brought to light, then the spotlight redirects itself onto the yellow hat, whose primary objective is to overcome these weaknesses with logical steps and suggestions.

Bringing to Light Inadequate Contingency Plans

The black hat’s final objective is to bring to mind inadequate contingency plans that seem full-proof from all other thinking hat perspectives.

The black hat constantly and persistently asks itself

How is this likely to fail?

The answers to this question sets the course for inspired yellow and green hat thinking.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a black hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a black hat thinker.

What is the fatal flaw within this idea?

What is the drawback to this way of thinking?

How many ways is this likely to fail?

What are the potential risks and consequences associated with this?

Do I have the necessary resources, skills and support to pull this off?


The Optimistic Yellow Hat Thinker

An effective problem solver has to have a means of realistically analyzing problems and bringing to light optimistic ideas that will build momentum towards effective solutions and answers. Moreover they must help strengthen the spirit and resolve of the body and mind to persist despite the myriad of obstacles standing in its way.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the Yellow Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a yellow hat thinker, concluding with a set of questions that will help you to think more optimistically about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the yellow hat is The Sun.

A sun is bright, happy and powerful, helping to instill life into everything it touches.

In exactly the same way a yellow hat brings forth a positive, welcoming and radiant energy that breathes life into every idea.

The yellow hat seeks positive benefits through a logical means that enhances motivation and opens the doors to new opportunities and understandings.

Let’s take a look at some of the yellow hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Symbolic Roles

The primary role of the yellow hat is to realistically and optimistically move through the myriad of obstacles that stand in the way of reaching an effective solution.

The yellow hat sees no boundaries or limitations and wholeheartedly believes that if there is a means, then they will find a way — making the impossible, possible.

Roles Must Avoid

Throughout the thinking process the yellow hat must at all costs avoid pessimistic thoughts, and bringing to mind hopeful solutions based on hypothetical facts, feelings and opinions.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the yellow hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish.

By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Seeks Curious Benefits

The yellow hat is a curious creature who seeks benefits over everything else.

It sees a problem and brings to mind effective contingency plans and solutions that will help you overcome the challenges you face in the most effective and efficient way.

Seeks Probable Solutions that Lead to Opportunity

The yellow hat’s primary objective is to search for solutions that will lead to a greater array of opportunities to help you overcome your problems more effectively.

It wholeheartedly understands that within every problem there is an equivalent seed of opportunity that is waiting to be discovered. And it is from this perspective that it moves forward with optimism and renewed energy.

Seeks Positive Risk Assessment

The yellow hat logically understands that there are risks associated with every action that is aimed at a solution to your problem. It therefore realistically analyzes the risks associated with these actions and draws up an effective plan that will counteract, minimize and eliminate these risks altogether.

Seeks Feasibility of Ideas

Another primary objective of a yellow hat is to assess the feasibility of ideas based on the resources (skills, knowledge, time and support) you have available at any one moment in time.

It takes these resources into consideration and formulates ideas and a plan of action that will make best use of what you have, while minimizing the effect of what you are lacking within your arsenal.

Strengthen Spirit, Motivation and Resolve

The final objective of the yellow hat is to instill a sense of positive expectation that will move you through the obstacles and challenges you face with greater resolve, spirit, motivation and persistence, which are all critical components to your long-term success in any field of endeavor.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a yellow hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a yellow hat thinker.

How can I best approach this problem?

How can I logically and realistically make this work?

What positive outcomes could result from this action?

What are the long-term benefits of this action?


The Creative Green Hat Thinker

An effective problem solver has to have a means of processing the problems confronting their reality in an open, flexible and unconstrained way. Moreover, they must encourage possibility thinking that bends the rules and expands reality in a way that is free from judgment and self-criticism.

Within this section we will discuss each of the characteristics and attributes that give birth to the Green Thinking Hat. We will delve into the roles, goals and objectives of a green hat thinker, concluding with a set of questions that will help you to think more creatively about your daily life problems and circumstances.

Role

The metaphorical role of the green hat is The Seedling.

A seedling sprouts from the ground and grows persistently — expanding its leaves and branches in many unexpected directions.

In exactly the same way a green hat instills an ever growing and expanding sense of unpredictability into the thought process.

The green hat isn’t controlled by rules or limitations. It knows and understands that it is free to think beyond the norms and boundaries of reality. As a result it brings forth a myriad of creative and mind-bending ideas that expand the possibilities and bring to light unique and seemingly unexpected solutions.

Let’s take a look at some of the green hat’s key roles in a little more detail:

Symbolic Roles

The primary role of the green hat is to open the doors to unique, creative ideas and perspectives that will shatter the boundaries of reality and open new avenues of understanding about the problem at hand.

Roles Must Avoid

Throughout the thinking process the green hat must at all costs avoid criticizing or judging the ideas that it brings to mind.

Objectives

Throughout the problem solving process, the green hat has a set of predefined objectives that it seeks to accomplish.

By successfully attaining these goals, it is better able to synchronize it’s habitual thought patterns with the other thinking hats, thereby leading to a more efficient and effective process of thinking that brings to light a greater array of solutions and opportunities.

Let’s take a look at each of these objectives in a little more detail:

Expand Thinking and Awareness

The primary role of the green hat is to expand the possibilities of reality in surprising and unexpected ways beyond box-like thinking methods.

It seeks new strategies, tactics and ways of thinking about problems, and twists them in multi-dimensional directions that lead to new insights, answers and understandings about the problem and accompanying solutions that may not have been evident before.

Bend the Rules of Reality

The green hat isn’t constricted or constrained by the standard rules of thinking about a problem. It understands that rules are made to be broken, and so it goes out there with a complete disregard of the rules or guidelines — always thinking, expanding, analyzing, daydreaming and manifesting crazy and wacky ideas that may not initially make any logical sense at all.

It’s not the green hat’s responsibility to live in the logical world, which is what the other thinking hats do very well. It’s responsibility is rather within the realm of fantasy and free-flowing lateral thinking that breaks boundaries and looks beyond the veils of what is perceived within physical reality. And it is this method of thinking that brings to light the most improbable ideas that could very well turn your problems upside down.

Provide Creative Ideas and Solutions

The green hat uses a number of incredibly effective creative problem solving techniques and strategies that help to expand its awareness and understanding of the problems confronting your reality. These techniques bring forth unique ideas and solutions that challenge the other thinking hats in surprising and unpredictable ways — effectively forcing through new insights that may never have been considered before.

Instill New Perspectives

Finally, the green hat’s process of thinking presents the other hats with new perspectives and ways of looking at the problem — and its possible solutions. This successfully breaks down the boundaries of perspective and understanding of the challenges confronting your reality.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Here is a list of questions that will help you think more effectively about your daily life problems and circumstances from a green hat’s perspective.

Keep in mind that this list of questions is only a starting point that will help guide you in the right direction. Additional questions that you formulate by yourself should take into account each of the roles and objectives that are critical to the mindset of a green hat thinker.

What alternative possibilities could exist here?

Could this be done in another way?

How can I look at this problem from a unique perspective?

How can I think outside the box about this?

What if…?


How to Use the Six Thinking Hats

Now that you have a clear and comprehensive understanding of the Six Thinking Hat problem solving thought process, it is important to briefly point out how these hats integrate and work together to formulate solutions and new ideas.

The managerial blue hat (Director) progressively allocates thinking time to each of the six hats including itself. Often the order of thinking would transition in the following way:

Blue Hat: Defines and outlines the problem under question and guides the other hats through the thinking process.

White Hat: Collects all the facts, data and statistics relevant to the problem. It will then use this information to reach a set of possible logical neutral solutions.

Red Hat: Intuitively reflects on the solutions and selects the best course of action based on its feelings and hunches.

Black Hat: Pessimistically and realistically confronts the solutions pinpointing holes, dangers, flaws and inadequacies in the proposed plans.

Yellow Hat: Looks beyond the black hat’s pessimism and brings to light logical optimistic ideas and plans of action that will help counteract these dangers.

Green Hat: Takes solutions and ideas brought forward by the yellow hat and enhances them in a creative, unique and original way that helps ensure that they succeed as planned.

Blue Hat: After all hats have had their say, the blue hat continues to circulate between the hats in a logical way. It may for instance focus its attention on the red hat for further intuitive insights based on the green hat’s creative ideas. Or it may ask the white hat to gather more facts and information about the dangers that the black hat brought to mind. After which it may ask the yellow hat to bring forth some logical positive solutions based on this new found knowledge and information.

No matter how the blue hat decides to synchronize the thinking process between the hats, it is important to remember that the blue hat is always seeking to obtain a global perspective and understanding of the problem — helping to bring to light the most ideal solution possible.

By being presently aware of this objective in your mind’s-eye, will help you to cycle through the Six Thinking Hats more effectively.


Final Thoughts

The Six Thinking Hats are a multi-dimensional tool that will dramatically improve the efficiency and effectiveness of your thinking methods.

Whether for problem solving, overcoming challenges, making better business decisions or thinking more effectively about your academic subjects, the Six Thinking Hats will help you find the solutions, answers and opportunities you need to keep you ahead of the game.

Now the choice is yours. You can either just leave your hats hanging there on the coat-hanger collecting dust, or you can consistently and persistently use them to improve the quality of your life.

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have had experience utilizing the 6 Thinking Hats in life or business, than please share your experiences in the comments section below.

Energize Yourself, Art of self Motivation

1. Make a deal with yourself. Good for overcoming procrastination and getting things done. You can make the deal small or large. You simple tell yourself something like: When I’m done with this chapter/these reports I can take a walk in the park and enjoy an ice-cream.

 

2. Act like it. If you don’t feel motivated or enthusiastic then act like it. The strange thing is that within a few minutes you actually start to feel motivated or enthusiastic for real.

 

3. Ask uplifting questions in the morning. Here’s what you do; every morning ask yourself five empowering three-part questions this way:

 

What am I ______ about in my life right now?
What about it makes me _______?
How does it make me feel?

 

Put in your own value in the blank space. For instance, a couple of my questions are:

 

What am I happy about in my life right now?
What am I excited about in my life right now

It’s important that you really feel how it makes you feel. When I think about the last part about what makes me happy right now I really feel it. These morning questions are great because the way they are set up makes you recognize things you take for granted and then they really get you to feel those positive feelings.

 

4. Move the goalposts. Set a large and specific goal. This will motivate you much more than small goals. A big goal has a big effect and can create a lot of motivation.

 

5. Do something small and create a flow. Just clean your desk. Or pay your bills. Or wash the dishes. You just need to get started. When you have finished that small task you’ll feel more alert and ready to go do the next thing. You just to get started to get motivated. So if you really don’t feel like doing anything, start with something small and work your way out up.

6. Do the toughest task first. This will ease a lot of your day-to-day worries and boost your self-confidence for the rest of the day.

7. Start slow. Instead of jumping into something at full speed start slow. When you do that your mind will not visualize the task as something hard that you have to do fast, fast, fast. If your mind sees such things guess what often happens? Yep, you don’t get started. Actually getting started, even if it’s at a slow pace, is a whole lot better than not getting started at all.

8. Compare yourself with yourself. Not with others. Comparing what you have and your results to what other people have and have accomplished can really kill your motivation. There are always people ahead of you. Most likely quite a bit of people. And a few of them are miles ahead. So focus on you. On your results. And how you can and have improved them.

Reviewing your results is important so you see where you have gone wrong in the past to avoid similar missteps further on. But it’s also important because it’s a great motivator to see how much you have improved and how far you have come. Often you can be pleasantly surprised when you do such a review.

9. Remember your successes. And let them flow through your mind instead of your failures. Write down your successes. Consider using a journal of some kind since it’s easy to forget your successes.

10. Act like your heroes. Read about them, watch them, listen to them. Discover what they did that was special and what made them tick. But remember that they are people just like us. So let them inspire you instead of looking up at them admiringly.

11. Remember to have fun. Or create fun in a task. Then you’ll stay motivated to do and finish it.

12. Get out of your comfort zone. Face your challenges to get a real boost of motivation. They can help you get started and take that first scary step outside your comfort zone.

13. Don’t fear failure. Instead redefine it as feedback and as a natural part of a successful life. As Michael Jordan said:

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Also, try to find the valuable lesson(s) in each of your failures. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this?

14. Do some research on what you are about to do. Then your expectations will be more grounded in reality and you can also get good hints on what difficulties that you might run into along the way. Managing your expectations can lower the often almost explosive initial enthusiasm. But it can also lessen the lack of motivation that usually follows when most of that enthusiasm has dissipated.

When you know what has happened to others in similar situations – what path they have walked – you can adapt and try their solutions (and personal variations of those) and your own. This makes the worries and challenges easier to handle. Both emotionally – since you know at least some of the things that will happen and that others have lived through it before – and practically.

 

15. Figure out why you´re doing something. If you don’t know or don’t have good enough reason to do something then it will be hard to get it done. Do things that you have really strong reasons to do. If you want to do something then figure out a good reason to do it. If you can’t find one consider dropping it and doing something that you have a good reason to do instead.

 

16. Write down your goals and reasons for working towards them. Tape them on your wall, computer or bathroom mirror. Then you’ll be reminded throughout the day and it becomes easier to stay on track and stay focused.

 

17. Learn to think more positively most of the time. Learn to let to go of negative threads of thought before they have a chance to take hold of you. You might not be able to be positive all the time no matter what happens. But I think most of us can improve on our positive thinking and the results it can lead us to. Perhaps more than you realize right now.

 

18. Cut down on TV. Do you watch it too much? Watch less of what they are doing in TV-land and do more of what you want to do in life.

 

19. Break it down. Break down your task or project into small steps. And just start with focusing on that first small step. When you are done move on to the next and just focus on that one. The small successes will keep your motivation up and keeping your focus away from the big picture stops you from becoming overwhelmed and discouraged. It’s amazing how much you can get done if you follow this simple method.

20. Reprogram your information intake. Program out negative and cynical thoughts from the media and society. Reduce your information intake. Then program in positive news and entertainment, more of your own thoughts and useful information such as personal growth tapes and books. Be selective and keep it positive.

21. Make use of your creativity. Take out a piece of paper. Write at the top of the page what area in your life you would like to have more ideas about. Perhaps you want ideas to earn more money or become a healthier person. Then brainstorm until you have written down 20 ideas on that topic. Then try for 10 more. Not all ideas will be good. But some will. And as you make use of your creativity you not only discover useful ideas. You also discover just how creative you can be if you try and how motivating and great that feels.

24. Think outside your box. Don’t imagine the future from the box of what you have now. Just because your mind is in box of previous experiences doesn’t mean that´s the limits of the world. Your possibilities are much larger. Create the future from the now and from nothing rather than your past to experience bigger changes with fewer limitations than you would if you created it from what you can see from your box.

25. Make each day count. We don’t have all the time in the world. So focus on today and do the things you really want to do.

When You Fail doing something?…… Ask Yourself?

 

Yes, we failed, Let’s face it. We all fail.

As we go through life we have relationships that don’t work out,  jobs that just aren’t right, exams that we flunk, initiatives that don’t succeed. The more new things we try the more failures we are likely to have. In fact, the only way to avoid failure is to do nothing new.

The important thing is how we deal with failure. It can be part of a downward slide in which lack of confidence reinforces feelings of inadequacy and incompetence. But experiencing failure can be a learning experience and an opportunity for a fresh start. A good way to begin this process is by asking yoruself some tough questions.

1.  What can I learn from this?  Take responsibility for what went wrong. OK, so it was not all your fault – but some of it was. Successful people don’t make excuses or blame others. They take ownership of the issues. Be critical but constructive. Try to look at the experience objectively.  Make a list of the key things that happened. Analyze the list step-by-step and look for the learning points.

2.  What could I have done differently? What other options did you have? What choices did you make? How could you have handled it differently? With the benefit of hindsight, what different steps would you have taken?

3.  Do I need to acquire or improve some skills? Did the problem reveal some lack of skill on your part? How could you learn or improve those skills? Perhaps there are books or courses or people you could turn to. Make a self-development plan to acquire the skills and experiences you need.

4.  Who can I learn from? Is there someone to whom you can turn to for advice? Did a boss, colleague or a friend see what happened? If they are constructive and supportive then ask them for some feedback and guidance. Most people do not ask for help because they believe it to be a sign of weakness rather than strength. It’s not. It shows that you are ready to learn and change. Any good friend will be happy to help.

5.  What will I do next? Now draw up an action plan. Will you try something similar or something different? Revisit your goals and objectives. This reversal has been a setback on your journey but think of it as a diversion rather than a halt. You can now reset your sights on your destination and plan a new course.

If you read the life stories of successful people – especially inventors, explorers, scientists or statesmen –  you will find that their early careers are littered with failures. Walt Disney, Thomas Edison and Henry Ford are typical examples. Abraham Lincoln, suffered many defeats in his career in politics including losing the nomination for vice president in 1856 and his second run at being a U.S. Senator in 1858. Two years later he was elected president.

The important point is to use your setbacks as learning experiences and make them stepping stones to future success. There are always positives you can take from every episode in your life. Asking yourself these five questions can help find them.

More Maturity is More Emotional Mastering, How to Master your Emotions?

Did you know that your daily emotional experience shapes the decisions you make and the actions you take?

It has been said that it’s not what happens to us, but rather how we respond to what happens that determines the results you will experience in your life. And how you respond is directly influenced by how you choose to interpret the events and circumstances of your life. This likewise stems from your ability to effectively manage your emotions in ways that will allow them to serve and assist you with obtaining your desired outcomes.

Each and every one of the so called negative or limiting emotions that we experience on a daily basis can actually serve us and provide us with the necessary guidance we need to make more effective decisions throughout the day. As such, it’s absolutely paramount that we take the time to learn to understand how to interpret our emotions in ways that will help us find answers and solutions, not problems and difficulties.

Within this summary I would like to provide you with all the necessary knowledge you need to help you manage and interpret your emotions far more effectively throughout the day. We will first take a look at different types of so called “limiting” emotions that we experience on a daily basis and attempt to see them from a new, unique and helpful perspective. We will also break down a process you can work-through to help you transform your emotional state — providing you with the leverage you need to effectively manage your emotional state on a daily basis in ways that helps serve your purposes and objectives.


Emotional State Analysis

Within this first section, let’s spend some time analyzing 10 universal emotions that many of us tend to experience throughout our lives. However, before proceeding, it’s important to note that these emotional interpretations have been adapted from the teachings of Anthony Robbins. For more information about Anthony Robbin’s courses, books and events, please visit the Anthony Robbins website.

Before jumping into an explanation of each one of these emotions, it’s important to understand that these emotional responses are a signal to your conscious brain that something is not working, and therefore something needs to change. They are in essence a call-to-action directing you to do something specific to alleviate your discomfort or pain.

Finally, all the emotions we are going to be discussing below are a result of stuck-states that we bring upon ourselves throughout the day. These stuck-states are patterned responses to events, people and circumstances that have their own physiological responses, words, phrases, etc. They are in essence comfort seeking mechanisms that we use whenever things don’t go our way, or as we had expected.

Let’s now break down each of these ten emotional states.

Discomfort

Discomfort is an uncomfortable emotion that often leads to boredom, distress, impatience or embarrassment.

You are experiencing discomfort because you are interpreting a situation or a set of circumstances in a specific way that naturally leads you to the feeling of discomfort. It’s actually within this interpretation that discomfort grows. This therefore means that the moment you transform or change your interpretation of the situation, is the moment you gain control over your emotional experience.

If you ever experience the emotion of discomfort it’s important to first determine what it is that you are doing, and secondly how exactly you are interpreting your experience of reality. If what you are doing is not getting you the results that you are after, then simply try taking a different approach. If however you are not able to tackle the situation from a different perspective, then try to change your perspective of the situation. Either way, you should be able to find an answer that will help you to pull yourself out of this uncomfortable emotional state.

If for example you are bored, then attempt to do something different with your time. Or you can simply try and interpret your experience in a unique way by turning things into a game. Either strategy will work well as long as you are willing to be flexible in your approach.

Fear

Fear is often a very debilitating emotion that leads to worry, anxiety and indecision.

You are experiencing fear because you are interpreting a situation or a set of circumstances in a specific way that naturally leads you to the feeling of fear. This feeling of fear often results from an emotional response of what might occur in the future if you make a specific decision or take a specific action. This is all well-and-good if it’s something that is based on hard facts and evidence that is designed to protect you from harm. However, many times our fears are riddled with inaccuracies that confuse and mislead us. Therefore the first step you must always take to begin the process of removing fear from your life is to evaluate the “real”from the “imagined”.

Fear is of course a very valuable emotion because it protects us from harm in the off-chance that we are running away from a saber-toothed tiger. ;) However, most of the time, in this modern day-and-age, it actually harms us because it keeps us away from achieving our goals and objectives.

There are two quick things you must do that will help you manage your fears more effectively. The first is to clarify what it is you really want. And the second is to prepare thoroughly for the actions you will take to achieve your desired outcomes. These two steps are critical, because the vast majority of our fears are based on a lack of knowledge and a lack of preparation. If you successfully tick both of these boxes, then you will have the ammunition you need to overcome just about any fear that you can possibly experience in our modern age.

Hurt

The emotion of hurt tends to leave us feeling powerless and often leads to a sense of loss and jealously.

You are experiencing hurt because you are interpreting a situation or a set of circumstances in a specific way that naturally leads you to feeling hurt. Likewise, feeling hurt could be a result of not communicating your needs effectively to others. As such you must begin today by communicating what you need from your relationships in a clear and non-threatening manner.

If communicating your needs to others doesn’t work, then take into consideration your expectations. Maybe your expectations are not reasonable, maybe they have changed over time, or maybe they simply no longer apply to your current relationship and therefore may need to be reevaluated.

Finally, feelings of hurt sometimes result from a lack of understanding about our relationships or about our circumstances. In such instances it helps if you replace your hurt with fascination and curiosity. By becoming curious, you immediately begin asking better questions, which expands the way you think and leads to answers and possibilities that you may not have considered before.

Anger

Anger has a tendency to spin us out-of-control and can often lead to resentfulness.

You are experiencing anger because you are interpreting a situation or a set of circumstances in a specific way that naturally leads you to the experience of anger. However, anger can actually serve us if we are able to understand its underlying meaning.

Before you are quick to embrace the emotion of anger, it’s important to understand that anger often arises because one or more of our rules has been violated by others. As such, we become angry because we no longer feel in control of the situation, people or circumstances. In such instances we can actually let go of anger quite quickly, by spending some time reevaluating our rules. Maybe they’re not reasonable, maybe they are out-of-date, or just maybe they shouldn’t be applied in these circumstances.

Alternatively, anger can come about because of an incorrect interpretation of circumstances or people’s intentions. In such instances you must question whether or not you have possibly misinterpreted the situation, or simply misinterpreted people’s intentions. In that case, be open to the possibilities and passionately look for alternative meanings. Only an open and flexible approach will provide you with the answers you are after.

Guilt

Guilt has a tendency to leave us feeling somewhat deflated and can often lead to the emotion of regret.

You are experiencing guilt because you are interpreting a situation or a set of circumstances in a specific way that naturally leads you to the feeling guilt. And the longer you hold onto that guilt the worse it tends to get as it continues to fester and grow inside your head.

When experiencing guilt it’s important to remember that our experience of guilt is simply our interpretation of what we did or failed to do and the impact that this has had on others. The moment you choose to interpret the events and circumstances of your life in a new and unique way, is the moment that guilt suddenly changes and turns into something that can potentially motivate and empower you to take positive action.

Realize that the impact that your actions have had on others may not be as they seem. Therefore in such instances you may need to take a look at your rules for feeling guilty. Maybe these rules need to be reassessed.

Finally, guilt is often resolved when you are able to make peace with yourself and peace with the people you may or may not have hurt.

Frustration

Frustration is one of those emotions that we just love to hate because it makes us feel as though we’re so close, yet so far away from the outcome we want.

You are experiencing frustration because you are interpreting a situation or a set of circumstances in a specific way that naturally leads you to feeling frustrated. Yet it is within this feeling that your answers lie.

You are frustrated because you are trying to do something, however you don’t seem to be getting the results you are after. It’s like you’re being held-back from your goal by some outside force that you can’t seem to control.

Instead of trying to control the situation, the key is to begin thinking outside the box; to begin thinking of new possibilities, ideas and possible solutions that might very well help you solve the problem you are dealing with. And sometimes all it takes is for you to look for new information that will provide you with the insight you need to see the circumstances from a slightly different perspective.

Finally, frustration often results from not getting the results you are after. In such instances all it takes to resolve your frustrations is to simply change your approach; try something new and different that you hadn’t considered before. Curiosity, determination and a flexible approach are the keys you should be looking for.

Inadequacy

Inadequacy can make you feel miserable, unworthy and incompetent. It’s an emotion that leaves you feeling like you’re at the bottom of the heap with no way out.

You are experiencing inadequacy because you simply don’t have the experience, skills or knowledge to live up to your high expectations. So you can either change your expectations about yourself and your ability, or you can go out there and gain the necessary knowledge, skills and experience necessary to achieve the outcomes you desire to have in your life.

You could also be experiencing inadequacy because you are simply undermining your own strengths and abilities. In such circumstances it’s always important to get a second opinion. Therefore, go out there and ask someone for feedback. Ask them to give you their honest observations. Maybe they will provide you with some very surprising insights and perspectives.

Finally, inadequacy can often stem from a lack of confidence. If you you are riddled with low self-esteem, then it seems perfectly okay to feel inadequate. However, if you take the time to build your confidence, then you will likewise develop more self-belief and will begin to feel better about yourself and your prospects.

Overwhelm

Overwhelm is one of those emotions that creeps up on you over time, and before you know it, it takes over your life and can at times lead to the very debilitating emotions of grief and depression.

You are experiencing overwhelm because you either have too much on your plate or you are simply unable to manage or take control over aspects of your life. In such circumstances you feel out-of-control and unable to respond accordingly.

The solution to overwhelm lies in taking back control over small chunks of your life, one piece at a time. It means taking a part of your life and dividing it up into smaller manageable chunks that you can successfully work with. It also means letting go of any unnecessary obligations and commitments that are weighing you down, or simply rescheduling them in a way that will free up your time while providing you more space to do what’s most important.

Overcoming overwhelm is simple if you know what to do and are committed to taking the actions necessary to reschedule and re-prioritize your life accordingly. Sometimes all it takes is a little lesson in productivity.

Disappointment

Disappointment is the feeling of not getting what you want and often stems from a sense-of-defeat.

You are experiencing disappointment because you are interpreting a situation or a set of circumstances in a specific way that naturally leads you to feeling disappointed. Instead of looking for solutions and answers, you are stuck within a muddy pit full of unfulfilled goals, objectives and dreams that never became reality.

Whenever we experience disappointment, we always wish that things could have been different. However, no matter how hard we try, we can’t change the past, although we can alter our experience of the past in a positive way.

Instead of wallowing in disappointment, choose instead to learn from your experiences so that you can better yourself in the future. At other times, it’s even worthwhile to look for opportunities that might now be available as a result of the disappointment that you have just experienced.

Disappointment can often be a result of having unrealistic high expectations that can almost never be realized. In that case, change your expectations by lowering them to a level that can be realistically achieved. This could very well dig you out of the dreaded pit of disappointment.

Finally, disappointment is simply a result of having an unfulfilled goal. If that’s the case then you might need to adjust your goals in order to make them more achievable. That way you are less likely to feel disappointed.

Loneliness

Loneliness can be a very debilitating emotion that can lead to sadness and stagnation.

You are experiencing loneliness because you are seeing your life through a lens that separates you from everyone and everything else that lies outside of you. This is no way to live life given the fact that there are so many opportunities to connect with others on a daily basis.

The key to overcoming loneliness is to reconnect with others, to reconnect with your environment, and to reconnect with a higher cause that will help you feel more fulfilled and passionate about your life.

  • Go out there and make an effort to talk to someone.
  • Go out there and make an effort to listen to someone.
  • Go out there and make a contribution to your community.
  • Go out there and spend time in the environment.
  • Go out there and play with a baby or pet.
  • Go out there and help someone in need. Your help may be all they need to help them feel a little less lonely.

Finally, loneliness grows in the heart because we tend to forget about all the things that we are grateful for. It’s this gratitude that will help you restore the balance you are sorely missing. And it’s this gratitude that will encourage you to open your heart up to others.


Emotional State Transformation

It’s all well and good to understand what emotions really mean, however, when we’re caught up in the moment our first reaction is often an emotional reaction that has a tendency to work against us rather than for us. In such instances you need to become aware of an emotional state transformation process, which we discuss below.

This process is divided up into five parts. Initially it will serve you well to consciously move through each of these stages step-by-step, however as this process eventually becomes ingrained into your psyche, you will no longer need to consciously think about the steps as separate entities, but rather will be able to respond to each emotion in a habitual way that requires very little thought and conscious effort.

Let’s now break down this process step-by-step.

1. Identify Your Emotion

Your first step within this emotional state transformation process is to identify the emotion you are experiencing. This is important because if you are not sure what kind of emotion you are experiencing then you will struggle to respond accordingly.

To help you through this step, ask yourself the following two questions:

What am I feeling right now?

Am I really feeling this, or is there something more?

The greater clarity you have here, the more you will have to work with as you move through this process.

2. Appreciate Your Emotion

It’s critical at this stage that no matter what emotion you are experiencing that you do not resist it. Resistance will only breed uncertainty and will prevent you from turning this emotion into something you can use and work with as you move forward.

It is therefore important that you openly acknowledge the emotion that you are experiencing and search for it’s personal meaning and significance in the situation that you find yourself in.

For instance, if something has suddenly caused me to feel angry, instead of fighting and trying to resist this anger, I would actually acknowledge to myself that I am feeling angry and that these specific circumstances have triggered my anger.

Only once you are able to acknowledge this emotion openly will you be ready to move forward to step three along this path.

3. Analyze Your Emotion

The most important thing you must do at this stage is to get curious. Curiosity will open doors to new perspectives and opportunities that can help you gain unique insights into your emotion and into the circumstances you find yourself in.

To help you become a little more curious about the emotion that you are experiencing, ask yourself the following set of questions:

What does this emotion offer me?

What is the true value of this emotion?

In what specific ways does this emotion serve me?

What must I do to make things better?

What do I have to believe to get the outcome I want?

What do I really desire and feel?

How can I learn from this to help me do better in the future?

Remember that no matter what emotion you are experiencing, it is there to serve you in some way; to teach you valuable lessons about yourself, your circumstance and about life in general. You must therefore be open to finding the necessary answers that will help you gain the insights required to overcome this emotional roadblock you are working through.

4. Get Confident that You Can Handle Emotion

Within this stage, go through the very first branch of this IQ Matrix where we discussed the true meaning of each of the 10 critical emotional states, and determine the steps you will take that will help you to take charge of your emotional experience.

This is the time to gain some certainty and to consciously choose the emotional response you will experience moving forward. It’s also the time to obtain any necessary knowledge and support that you may require that will help you to manage your response more effectively.

To help with this process, it’s worthwhile recalling a time in your past where you handled this emotion successfully and turned it to your advantage. This memory can be used as the foundation that will help pave the way to a better future where you are no longer ruled by this emotion, but rather consciously choose to respond to this emotion in a helpful and proactive way.

5. Take Action

Now that you have all the knowledge, support and information required to respond in a healthy and constructive manner, it’s time to take proactive action to transform your emotional state for the better.


Emotional State Management

Having worked your way through the previous two branches of the Emotional Mastery IQ Matrix, you should now be very much ready and prepared for any emotional surprises that life throws your way. However, there may still be instances where unexpected circumstances could push you into limiting patterns and habits that could potentially create emotional turmoil and throw you off course. In such instances you need to learn to manage your emotional state a little more effectively, and it is this process that we will discuss here.

Building Your Emotional Fortress

In order to strengthen your resilience during tough times, it is worthwhile to spend some time building your emotional fortress.

Your emotional fortress is a place you go-to in your mind that keeps you strong during tough and difficult times.

To build your emotional fortress close your eyes and imagine a special place that only you know about. This is your personal sanctuary that will help you find strength and guidance. This place could be a valley, a mountain, along the beach, a special room, a house, or any other place that gives you strength during difficult times.

Within this emotional fortress you can talk with your peers and mentors. These are the people who inspire and help strengthen you during difficult times. They are there to help and guide you through any emotional struggles you might be experiencing.

Your emotional fortress also contains a number of self-improvement resources that you can use to help strengthen your resolve. All of these resources and support networks are there for you — to help you gain the upper-hand whenever you are facing difficulties.

You should use your emotional fortress in times of great emotional difficulty where you require that extra support to help steady and point you in the right direction. Therefore instead of reacting emotionally in limiting ways to the events and circumstances in your life, take some time to remove yourself from your circumstances and step into your emotional fortress, which will help provide you with the answers and guidance you need to respond in positive and optimal ways.

Psychological Transformation

Your thoughts, expectations, self-talk and perceptions all work together to create the reality you experience on a daily basis. Moreover, they all come together and influence the emotions you experience at any moment in time.

You must therefore choose your thoughts consciously, and your self-talk wisely, and change your expectations of events and circumstances in positive ways — making them work for you rather than against you.

The types of seeds you plant in your mind grow throughout the day. For better or worse, they will influence your perceptions of reality. You must therefore choose seeds that will promote positive emotional growth to help you make the most of your day and the opportunities that are presented before you.

Breath Control

Whenever you are feeling emotionally under the weather, it’s always important and very helpful to calm yourself by breathing consciously. Simply, breathe-in for five counts, and exhale for five more counts, while maintaining your concentration purely on your breath.

Undertake this process for up to five minutes at a time, and you will quickly find a new vigor and energy that you can use to help you think more clearly and effectively about the circumstances you are being confronted with.

Communicate Your Needs and Desires

One very effective way to avoid emotional turmoil is to simply communicate your needs and desires to others.

Many times our communication is very poor, which leads to misunderstandings and conflict. This results in emotional turmoil and mayhem. To resolve this, simply ask others how they feel, why they are feeling that way and how they would like to potentially resolve these feelings. Likewise communicate your needs in the same way.

Sometimes all it takes is open communication and a willingness to listen, to resolve any emotional conflict that you might be experiencing throughout your day.

Physiological Transformation

We discussed above how our psychology influences how we feel throughout the day. Well, the same is true of our physiology.

How you use your body, what you do with your body, and how you position your body has a significant impact on the emotions you experience throughout the day.

For instance, whenever you feel the emotion of anger, take a look at your body and determine how it is responding, what it is doing and how it is changing as your anger escalates?

Compare this angry state to a time when you are feeling calm, sociable and relaxed. What does your body do and how does it respond in such instances?

You will quickly find that your body responds quite differently to each emotional state that you encounter throughout the day. This therefore raises the question of whether changing how your body moves and positions itself can influence how you feel emotionally from moment-to-moment? And the answer to this question is a resounding YES!

Anchoring

Here you are putting yourself into a peak emotional state of the type of emotion that you would like to experience while anchoring it to a part of your body.

Say for instance I would like to anchor the emotion of passion to my body. I would think of times in the past that I have felt passionate about something. I would live through these experiences in my head until the moment I have passion running through my veins. At this moment — at the peak of the emotion — I would anchor this passionate state to a part of my body. This could simply mean squeezing my thumb or earlobe.

Once the anchor has been set, I can trigger the emotional state of passion at any time throughout the day by squeezing my thumb or my earlobe to get me out of a bored emotional state.

There’s a lot more to this process, however it’s beyond the scope of this article. For more information, please see NLP anchoring.

Eye Movements

Finally, it’s important to point out that in many ways our emotions are actually linked to the movement of our eyes. This means that when we are experiencing a certain emotion our eyes are moving in a certain and specific way that signals to the brain that we are now for instance experiencing the emotion of depression.

Without needing to go into any detail here, the next time you are experiencing a limiting emotional state try experimenting with this and begin moving your eyes in unpredictable ways. I’m confident that you will quickly find that the emotional state you were just experiencing has somewhat dissipated.


Final Thoughts

In summary, let’s take things full circle and remind ourselves once again that it’s not what happens to us that matters, but it’s rather how we respond to the events and circumstances of our lives that makes all the difference in the end.

You are always in full control of your emotions no matter how things may appear to be. And as such you can always choose to feel differently and to take conscious control of your emotional state. There’s therefore no one to blame but yourself because emotions come from inside-out and not from the outside-in.

If you have any personal insights or thoughts about how you have successfully (or unsuccessfully) managed your emotions in the past, then please feel free to share them within the comments section below.

No More Procrastination..

Reasons for Our Procrastination Habits

For every action there is a cause — a trigger of sorts that instantly brings forth decisions and behaviors that lead to daily and lifelong consequences that many of us accept without question.

For those of us who are not aware of these triggers, life can be very difficult to manage. On the other hand, those of us who are successfully able to identify these triggers as a cause of our procrastinating habits, can indeed begin to take steps that will help us break free of these unproductive habitual cycles.

Within this section we will break down many possible intrinsic and extrinsic triggers that often encourage the habit of procrastination.

As you make your way through these triggers, progressively tick off which ones are currently leading you down the procrastination spiral.

Fear Driven Procrastinations

Our fears are in many ways seemingly uncontrollable aspects of our lives that cause us a lot of discomfort and pain.

Let’s take a look at the five most prevalent fears that tend to lead to the habits of procrastination.However, instead of breaking down these fears we will just overview them to gain a better understandingof how they relate to the habit of procrastination.

Fear of Success

Procrastination is most commonly associated with the fear of success.

When you fear success you tend to put as many roadblocks, problems and challenges ahead on your path because of your internal fear of the change that will be associated with possible success.

The fear of success naturally expands into the habits of disorganization and an overall lack of productivity. As such, if you catch yourself just keeping busy trying to get your life in order rather than focusing on the most important tasks that you must complete, then this is a clear sign of the fear of success manifesting in your behavior.

Fear of Failure

The fear of failure manifests within the behavior of perfectionism and unresourceful emotions that tend to send you down an uncontrollable spiral deeper into the habit of procrastination.

When you fear failure, you struggle with the idea of being inadequate and not living up to the high standards you set for yourself. This naturally leads to hesitancy, which either breeds inaction (due to overwhelming emotions) or promotes perfectionism where you tend to spend more time on activities than is necessary.

When you catch yourself being overwhelmed with negative emotions while in the act of overdoing the little things, then you are at that very moment in the process of manifesting the fear of failure.

Fear of Conflict

Sometimes we simply sink into the procrastination cycle because we fear the possible conflict that awaits us if we undertake the specific task or activity under question.

This conflict can be external, which involves other people, or internal being specifically related to conflicting interests fighting for power within your mind. Either one may well stop you in your tracks and lead you down the spiral of procrastination.

Fear of Judgment

Related to the fear of conflict is the fear of judgment.

Here you procrastinate because you worry about what other people might think of you, your behaviors, decisions or actions.

If you catch yourself thinking more about what others think, rather than actually undertaking the task at hand, then you are manifesting the fear of judgment.

Fear of the Unknown

This fear is intrinsically connected to all the above mentioned fears.

What all the above fears have in common has very much to do with the unknown.

Not knowing what will eventuate from our daily decisions and actions tomorrow, or within the next moment, has a tendency to hold people back from taking the necessary steps that will move them forward towards the attainment of their goals and objectives.

When we suffer from a fear of the unknown, we tend to be very hesitant in our approach and with our actions. In many instances we will attempt every strategy in the book to try and distract ourselves from the task at hand. Often our unconscious goal is to gain certainty within the moment (which is accomplished through small irrelevant comfort seeking activities) in order to counter the uncertainty of the next moment.

Action Driven Procrastinations

Some forms of procrastination are driven and evolve through action.

If we first come to understand, and later learn to undertake these actions from an alternative angle and perspective, then this will help us to successfully penetrate the procrastination cycle that dominates our current behaviors.

Let’s take a look at some of these actions in a little more detail.

Seeking Perfectionism and Micromanaging

Perfectionism involves the process of meticulous irrelevant actions that will not make a significant difference to the end goal.

In many ways perfectionism is a disease of the mind similar to how a person suffering from anorexia sees themselves in front of a mirror. This person looks into a mirror and labels themselves as being overweight.  They therefore starve themselves in order to lose the extra pounds they see bulging out from their waistline. However, as we know this is only an illusion of their mind. And the same is true of perfectionism.

A person who seeks perfectionism is never quite satisfied that anything they do is ever good or adequate enough to be fully implemented. They will redo the same activity or task over and over again in an attempt to attain perfection. Yet, they completely don’t realize that perfectionism is actually in the eyes of the beholder. What may indeed seem quite imperfect for them, may in fact be ideal for someone else.

Finally, when it comes to perfectionism, it’s helpful to understand that 20% of our activities will often produce 80% of our results. For more information, please see the Pareto Principle.

Over Planning

Here you overwhelm yourself with planning how to do things instead of simply doing them.

There is no doubt that planning is a very important aspect of goal setting and achievement. However, if all you are doing is planning, then you must realize that it is a deadly form of procrastination that will subtly push your goals and objectives out of reach.

Ideally you should schedule a time and place where you will plan out a specific list of steps and actions you will take. After your plan has been laid out, you must not look back but rather look forward concentrating on the process of your daily tasks and activities. It is actually the act of looking back at your plans again and again, that stifles motivation and manifests procrastination.

Overworking

Sometimes procrastination can get a hold of us simply because we overwork ourselves.

Our bodies are biological mechanisms that are programmed and conditioned with set limitations. When we overwork we deplete our resources and thusly experience a period of withdrawal where no matter what we do, we simply fail to unleash the motivation we need to continue pursuing our goals and objectives.

The key here is to schedule regular breaks throughout the day.

Habit Driven Procrastinations

Our procrastinations can also form ritualistic habits of behavior that tend to go unnoticed as their patterns are so very deeply ingrained into our psyche.

These self-sabotaging habits can lead to uncontrollable spirals of procrastination that are difficult to understand because the behavior causing these actions is hidden away within the recesses of our unconscious mind.

There are many habits that can trigger this unresourceful state, however for the purpose of this discussion, let’s just take a look at three of the most common habits of procrastination.

The Impossible Expectations

Our expectations manifest the possibilities that we allow to settle and grow within our life experience.

Our expectations are like barometers that determine where we will be tomorrow, next week, next month, and so forth.

Many of us have a habit of setting the expectation bar so high up into the stratosphere that we simply have no hope of ever living up to these expectations. This tends to lead us down a spiral of deflating emotional experiences that settle down to earth as procrastinating habits that pull us in the opposite direction from our end goal and objective.

Guilt Driven Self-Talk and Criticism

The language we use is intrinsically connected to our emotional patterns of behavior, which are likewise intrinsically connected to our emotions and thusly manifest in the actions we partake-in on a daily basis.

Some of us have a habit of regularly talking ourselves into a state of procrastination through guilt driven self-talk and criticism that deflates our motivation and leads to deep feelings of inadequacy. Within this state, we simply fail to find the answers that we need in order to help us work through the procrastination cycle in an effective and efficient way.

Low Self-Esteem

The guilt driven self-talk and criticism naturally leads to regular habitual bouts of low self-esteem. Living within this state is one of life’s greatest challenges, where everything becomes an arduous chore and an uphill battle that never seems to end. All of this cycles down through to procrastination, and may even lead to far more severe repercussions such as depression.

Feeling Driven Procrastinations

Due to the changing events and circumstances of our lives, at times procrastination is triggered as a result of deep emotional experiences that we tend to slip into throughout our day. Many of these feelings are brought about by common challenges we face that we simply fail to manage in an effective and efficient way. Unable to control these external events, we naturally experience common emotions that dig us deeper into the depths of procrastination.

Feelings of Overwhelm

When we tackle too many tasks or chunks of information at one time, then this can naturally trigger feelings of overwhelm. As this feeling begins to take control, we are naturally tempted to remove ourselves from the overwhelming tasks or activities under question. This leads to ongoing bouts of procrastination that will continue until we learn to manage, organize and arrange the tasks and information that initially triggered this state.

Feelings of Inadequacy

We feel inadequate when we find ourselves incapable of dealing with the challenges, problems and obstacles that life throws our way. This may lead to bouts of procrastination that focus us on insignificant keeping busy tasks and activities, or may even dishearten us altogether from our goals and objectives.

Feelings of Frustration

We become frustrated when confronted with tasks and challenges we believe are within our capabilities, yet we struggle to manage them effectively. As a result we manifest the feeling of frustration within our psyche.

As an isolated state, frustration is a good place to be, as long as we don’t allow it to get the better of us. The moment it spirals out of control, is the moment our frustrations can manifest into fears of failure that can ravage our actions in indescribable ways.

Feelings of Boredom

The final state-of-being that regularly leads to bouts of procrastination, is boredom.

We tend to procrastinate when we are bored. This is essentially triggered when we undertake easy repetitive tasks and activities for extended periods of time.

To overcome this spiral, we simply need to think creatively and spice up our activities by adding a little more intellectual and emotional stimulation. When things are fun, they always get done!

Procrastination Triggered through Lack

Some forms of procrastination come about because we simply lack something specific in our lives.

These items we lack can be very simple things that we take for granted, or they can in fact be linked to deeper psychological tendencies that we must learn to control and work through in an effective and efficient way.

Lack of Focus

We tend to procrastinate because of a lack of focus and attention. This comes about when we focus on too many things at once, when there are a myriad of distractions drawing our attentions away, and when our goals and objectives haven’t been clearly defined.

Lack of Confidence

We tend to procrastinate because of a lack of confidence in ourselves, our abilities, skills, knowledge, experience, or simply through a lack of confidence with bringing the task to fruition. Yet, confidence is essentially a state-of-mind.

Identify the areas that you are not feeling confident about, and draw up a plan of action to build confidence within these aspects of your life.

Lack of Adequate Resources

We tend to procrastinate because of a lack of adequate resources that will help us to complete the task at hand.

If you find yourself procrastinating because of a lack of resources, then simply spend some time going out into the world and collecting the resources you require to get the task completed successfully. Whether this means tools, skills, support from other people, or maybe gaining further experience in a specific area. Simply go out there and bring back what you need in order to fulfill the promise of your tasks and objectives.

Lack of Purpose and Direction

We tend to procrastinate because of a lack of purpose and direction: aka, no personal legend.

When we have no specific direction, we struggle to find our way, and we also tend to focus our time on irrelevant activities that provide us with very minimalistic results. This can lead to periods of busynessthat waste our precious energy on procrastinating activities that have no real purpose or value.

Unfulfilling Life Experiences and Circumstances

When we are unfulfilled with certain aspects of our lives, this can naturally lead to uncharacteristic self-sabotaging behaviors that lead us down the procrastination spiral.

Being unfulfilled in our relationships, with our career’s, or just with life in general can distract us from many actions that would further our success in these areas.

If you are finding yourself overwhelmed with feelings of dissatisfaction in any specific area of your life, then you must begin focusing on finding happiness and fulfillment within this area, or remove yourself mentally from these experiences and focus on the tasks at hand. 

Childhood Programming

Finally, procrastination can also evolve through a set of interlinking childhood experiences that we naturally accepted into our psyche at an age and time when we knew no better. This very much involves unconscious experiences that we struggle with on a constant basis throughout our lives.


Creating Unstoppable Motivation

Like procrastination, motivation is likewise triggered through a specific means and process that can help you to break out of unproductive states and into a new cycle of momentum that will assist you to move forward towards the attainment of your goals and objectives.

Within this section we will attempt to thoroughly piece together the intrinsic and extrinsic triggers of motivation. Moreover, we will identify how you can put these theories of motivation to use immediately to help you break out of your procrastination cycle.

Motivational Types

There are essentially two types of motivation that can inspire us into proactive action. It is important to get a thorough understanding of these two types of motivation in order to fully grasp the motivational strategies presented further down this post.

Let’s now take a look at each of them in a little more detail.

Intrinsic Motivation

This is a state of motivation that is internally generated stemming from either personal enjoyment or from a sense of obligation. You motivate yourself intrinsically by finding personal benefit, enjoyment or significance within the task or activity you are undertaking.

Extrinsic Motivation

This is a state of motivation that is externally generated stemming from objects, other people and the environment. You become motivated extrinsically when your task or activity benefits others, results in material possessions or favored circumstances.

Reward Created Motivation

Over the past hundred years, psychological studies have shown us time and again that rewards used as tools for reinforcing resourceful behaviors, do indeed help to build high levels of motivation (this is not true in all cases when creative tasks are undertaken).

The rewards must however be consistently reinforced and within close proximity to the action you are rewarding.

So how does this apply to long-term motivation?

It basically means that you must create a process that will reward you — consistently and persistently — as you attain specific tasks and objectives along your journey towards your goals.

Goal Created Motivation

Smart goal setting is a critical and indispensable component of our lives that is absolutely necessary if you seek to build high levels of motivation that will propel you forward towards the attainment of your objectives.

Your goals must be specific, measurable, moderate in difficulty, close in time, and you must work on attaining them by taking small, consistent and steady steps.

‘Human Need’ Created Motivation

Our human needs are essentially deeply ingrained psychological aspects of our lives that we seek to satisfy and fulfill as we go about our daily decisions and actions.

When our actions fulfill each of these human needs, then we naturally feel more motivated and inspired. On the other hand, when these human needs are left unfulfilled by our daily actions and behaviors, then we simply struggle to find the motivation we need to get us through our days. Moreover, it can lead us down the spiral of procrastination and low self-esteem.

Let’s break down each of these human needs in a little detail to help you incorporate them into your life and enhance your levels of motivation.

As you are reading through this section, keep in mind that in order to instill high levels of motivation, you must integrate as many of the human needs as possible into each and every one of your tasks and activities.

Satisfying the Need for Certainty

When we are certain about our outcome, we naturally find the motivation to persist despite the obstacles and challenges that may stand in our way.

Because our objective is within our reach, this provides us with a sense of confidence that all will be well in the end.

In order to instill this feeling of certainty, you must work on clarifying your goals and objectives, and build upon your weaknesses, skills and resources to help you gain a greater sense of confidence while undertaking the task at hand.

Does the task or activity you are procrastinating about provide you with a sense of certainty?

If not, then you must find ways to instill a sense of certainty into the goal or objective you are working towards, otherwise fear might overwhelm you.

Satisfying the Need for Uncertainty

When we are somewhat uncertain about our outcome, this naturally creates intrigue, excitement and motivation to persist despite the obstacles and challenges that may stand in our way.

This is in some ways contradictory to the first human need, however a deeper analysis reveals that we do indeed require some uncertainty within each of our actions, otherwise boredom can ensue, which is a natural trigger for procrastination.

In order to instill this feeling of uncertainty, you must work on spicing up your task or activity in unexpected ways that will bring a sense of excitement into your everyday actions.

Does the task or activity you are procrastinating about provide you with a sense of uncertainty and excitement?

If not, then you must find ways to instill a sense of uncertainty into the goal or objective you are working towards, otherwise boredom might overwhelm you.

Satisfying the Need for Connection

When we have an intrinsic connection with our outcome, this naturally builds upon our levels of motivation despite the obstacles and challenges that may stand in our way.

Connecting to your outcome means finding a meaning and purpose behind every step and action you take.

In order to instill this feeling of connection, you must build on your why reasons for attaining your end goals and objectives. The more whys you create, the greater sense of connection and motivation you will build around this task or activity.

Does the task or activity you are procrastinating about provide you with a sense of connection?

If not, then you must find ways to instill a sense of connection into the goal or objective you are working towards, otherwise your disconnected feelings and emotions will lead to a lack of focus and direction.

Satisfying the Need for Significance

When we feel that our outcome is significant and important to us, then this naturally builds upon our levels of motivation despite the obstacles and challenges that may stand in our way.

In order to build significance you must have a driving purpose, goal, vision and objective behind every task and activity that naturally makes you feel important and proud.

The bigger the objective and vision, and the more significant and important it makes you feel, the deeper the levels of motivation and passion you are likely to experience.

Does the task or activity you are procrastinating about provide you with a sense of significance?

If not, then you must find ways to instill a sense of significance into the goal and objective you are working towards, otherwise procrastinating feelings of inadequacy might overwhelm you.

Satisfying the Need for Growth

When we feel that our outcome provides us with a sense of growth, then this naturally builds upon our levels of motivation despite the obstacles and challenges that may stand in our way.

In order to build a sense of growth you must commit yourself towards looking at your current tasks and objectives from a long-term perspective.

You must essentially gather every learning experience you can from even the most mundane tasks, then projecting into the future to see how you will be able to utilize this new found experience and information to further your long-term goals and objectives. This might be difficult at first, however if you focus, you will indeed find significant learning experiences and growth opportunities within every single activity you undertake.

Does the task or activity you are procrastinating about provide you with a sense of growth?

If not, then you must find ways to instill a sense of growth into the goal or objective you are working towards, otherwise you may completely lose focus of the bigger picture and objective, which could very well lead to distractions and procrastinating actions.

Satisfying the Need for Contribution

When we feel that our outcome leads to a sense of contribution to others and the world around us, then this naturally builds upon our levels of motivation despite the obstacles and challenges that may stand in our way.

In order to build a sense of contribution you must extend your perspective and peripheral vision outwards and into the external world beyond your self. Here you must ascertain how this specific task or activity benefits others and the world around you in immeasurable ways. This may be difficult to perceive as you are undertaking seemingly small and insignificant tasks. However, with a little effort, even seemingly insignificant events or actions affect the world in unexpected ways. This theory is known as The Butterfly Effect.

Does the task or activity you are procrastinating about provide you with a sense of contribution?

If not, then you must find ways to instill a sense of contribution into the goal or objective you are working towards, otherwise the habit of procrastination may overwhelm you.

Satisfying the Need for Fun

When we feel that our outcome leads to a sense of fun and laughter, then this naturally builds upon our levels of motivation despite the obstacles and challenges that may stand in our way.

In order to build a sense of fun and laughter, simply brainstorm ideas on how to instill a little more entertainment into your tasks and activities. This is in someways related to the need for uncertainty.

Does the task or activity you are procrastinating about provide you with a sense of fun?

If not, then you must find ways to instill a sense of fun into the goal or objective you are working towards, otherwise boredom may lead you down the spiral of procrastination.

Satisfying the Need for Freedom

When we feel that our outcome leads to a sense of freedom, then this naturally builds upon our levels of motivation despite the obstacles and challenges that may stand in our way.

In order to build a sense of freedom, you mustn’t allow yourself to get too absorbed or overwhelmed by your daily tasks and activities. Otherwise your sense of freedom will dissipate and you will suffer the consequences of procrastination.

You must focus on scheduling regular breaks and learning new skills that will help you to better manage your time, tasks and activities.

Does the task or activity you are procrastinating about provide you with a sense of freedom?

If not, then you must find ways to instill a sense of freedom into the goal or objective you are working towards, otherwise the feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, frustration and stress will chain you up like a prisoner to the habit of procrastination.

Satisfying the Need for Power

The need for power is very closely tied with the need for significance and doesn’t require further explanation.

The Conflicting Interests of the Mind

The conflicting interests of our conscious brain and unconscious mind can in many instances create contradictory motivations for our behaviors. This can likewise send us down the spiral of procrastination at one moment, and up the elevator of motivation the very next moment.

These conflicts have to do with how our mind has been conditioned to think and deal with events and circumstances over time.


Step-by-Step to Instant Motivation

Having already identified how motivation is triggered, let’s now take a closer look at the motivation process, and how you can best put it to use to help you break out of your procrastinating habits of thinking and behaving.

This section will provide you with a step-by-step guided tour of a tried and tested process that will help you take control of your thoughts, decisions, actions and behaviors, thusly helping to inspire a sense of motivation and purpose that will drive you forward towards the attainment of your goals and objectives.

Analysis Stage

The primary purpose of this stage centers around identifying the psychological and real world triggers that send you down the spiral of procrastination or up the elevator of motivation.

This stage essentially boils down to the process of creating a thorough time-log that will help you to grasp a complete understanding of your habitual patterns of behavior.

Create a Time-log

Your time-log should consist of an analysis of four key variables that you must initially measure over a period of a week.

The first is self-explanatory, as it simply requires you to keep track of the activities you undertake every 15 minutes throughout your day.

Secondly, beside each activity you should be identifying the strength of your energy resources. This simply means indicating with a highmoderate or low label, how much energy you are feeling at every moment of your day.

Thirdly, pay attention to any procrastination triggers or periods of the day when you found it difficult to motivate yourself. Once you have identified them, jot them down on your time-log.

Finally, do the same for your motivation triggers. These could simply be random feelings, people, actions or events that provided you with the rush of energy you needed to inspire your behaviors.

Once you have compiled your weekly time-log report, spend some time analyzing the data and identify the habitual patterns of behavior that lead to the time specific actions you took. You should then utilize the results of this analysis to help you move through the remaining steps of the motivational process.

Thinking Stage

Initially as you are working your way through the procrastination cycle, it is important to give this stage its due time, diligence and effort.

Long-term, as you become a more proficient thinker you can move through this stage far more rapidly. However, if you are doing this for the first time it is critical that you undertake each step of this process as it is presented below.

Every sub-stage works and builds upon the sub-stages before it to help present you with a thorough and comprehensive process that will strengthen your levels of motivation.

Set Goals on Paper

Setting motivating and inspiring goals that are written out on paper, is one of the key fundamental processes that will help you to build lasting long-term motivation.

The process of goal setting involves some specific principles that one should follow in order to trigger deep states of passion and momentum.

Visualize Goals

Visualization brings forth the power of our imaginations in extraordinary ways that can trigger deep levels of motivation, thusly helping you to muster the momentum you need to propel you forward towards the attainment of your goals and objectives.

Psychological studies have consistently shown us that the human brain cannot tell the difference between an object that is visualized within the mind when compared to an object that is physically seen within the real world.

By simply visualizing your outcome in advance, you will essentially be planting the seeds of lasting motivation within your psyche, before you even take a single physical step into that direction.

Do Not Rationalize

While progressively moving through the thinking stage it is important that you hold back from rationalizing or thinking in unproductive ways that naturally place roadblocks along your path towards your objectives.

We tend to procrastinate on many tasks and activities simply because our rationalizing tends to get the better of us.

We must come to understand that the excuses we make on a consistent basis are in actuality irrational projections of our mind that have no place within the physical world. Just let them go, and project forward onto the things you want.

Here are a few examples of someone’s irrational thoughts and projections that lead them towards the habit of procrastination:

It’s not that important right now…

Do I really need this anyway?

I don’t know what to do…

I’m just simply too tired right now…

It’s too difficult because…

It takes too long because…

I will do it tomorrow because…

Ask Effective Questions

Ask effective questions focused on solutions, benefits and proactive actions that will help to clarify your goal, tasks, activities and objectives.

Questions are essentially beacons allowing you to direct your mind in ways that will promote deeper and longer lasting levels of motivation.

Look at your solution focused questions as a food source that helps you to maintain peak levels of motivation.

If you continuously ask solution focused questions, they will inspire and move you forward towards the attainment of your goals and objectives. If on the other hand, you ask questions focused on procrastination and problems, then this will likewise deplete you of your reservoirs of motivation.

Gain Leverage through Pleasure and Pain

The pleasure and pain principle behind motivation will help you to gain the leverage that will propel you forward and beyond your habits of procrastination. In fact did you know that pleasure and painactually determines how you conduct yourself each and every day of your life?

We essentially take action because of the short or long-term pleasure that this action might potentially bring into our experience. On the other hand, we act or refrain from acting due to the short or long-term pain that we associate to an experience.

For the purpose of motivation, you have to find ways to associate pleasure and gains to the actions that you know you must take in order to move you forward in life, and associate a great deal of pain and loss to the habit of procrastination. This essentially all boils down to asking the right kinds of questions and then visualizing the potential outcomes associated with these experiences.

Preparation Stage

Unless you prepare yourself adequately for the actions you are about to take, then you may suffer from indecision, which could trigger states of procrastination and deflated motivation.

Before any action is taken, make sure you have the necessary tools, skills, support and resources that are required to get the job done. These are important as they will help you to build long-term confidence by preparing you for the possible obstacles and challenges that may lie on the journey you are about to take.

Your Tools

Sometimes we procrastinate because we simply haven’t taken the time to prepare the tools we need in order to effectively deal with the task at hand.

Project yourself forward and figure out exactly what type of tools you will need in order to ensure that you keep the momentum going once you begin working on the task at hand.

By tools, I essentially mean physical objects that will assist and motivate you to get the task done in quick succession without a single thought of procrastination crossing your mind.

Your Skills

Sometimes we procrastinate because we simply have not taken the time to learn or acquire the skills we need in order to effectively deal with the task at hand.

If you suffer from uncertainty, a simple lack of confidence, or low self-esteem, then this could possibly mean that you are lacking some type of skill that could essentially help you to work through this task in a more effective and efficient way.

Take some time and break down the task that you are procrastinating on. Ask yourself what type of skills you may need to develop within yourself in order to help you gain a little more confidence.

Once you have identified what is required, go out there and spend a little time building up your skill levels. However, please understand that you do not have to become an expert in any specific area before returning back to your task. All that may be required is a little knowledge and experience, and this will effectively help you to gain the confidence and belief, in your ability to break out of the procrastination cycle.

Your Support Network

Sometimes we procrastinate because we simply do not have an adequate support network that will help us to stay motivated over the long-term.

If you take the time to create a strong and reliable support network of people, communities, family and friends, then you can utilize them in times of need when you require a little motivation and direction.

We all tend to lose focus and get distracted from our goals and objectives at times. Throughout these periods, if we simply do not have a strong and reliable support network behind us, then periods of procrastination may get the better of us.

During this stage of the motivational process, you must identify the types of people you need within your circle of influence to help you get through your tasks successfully. Identify those who are strong where you are weak, or those who have knowledge about areas that are unfamiliar to you, and garner their help with things you are struggling with.

Sometimes it could be as simple as having an accountability partner who just keeps reminding you about the reasons why this goal or task is important and necessary for your ongoing happiness and fulfillment. At other times, all you may need is a sounding-board: someone who can listen and provide you with a different-line of thinking and perspective that will open your eyes to new experiences and understandings. This is where Life Coaches come into the picture.

Other Resources Required

Finally, identify any other resources you might need that will help you to move from procrastination and into lasting motivation.

Motivation Stage

You must utilize the myriad of tools, techniques and strategies discussed throughout this post to motivate yourself during this stage of the motivational process.

Action without motivation is fruitless and will be quite ineffective with helping you build the momentum you seek to reach your goals and objectives in quick succession.

Think of your action as a bowling ball. Without motivation you will be unable to provide it with the force it needs to knock down the tenpins. However, with enough motivation behind your actions, it will have the necessary momentum, focus and force to knock down the tenpins on the very first try.

Action Stage

The final stage requires you to take action and move forward towards achieving your laid out plans and objectives.

On the surface, this process seems pretty straightforward, however having been a procrastinator myself, it is easy to fall prey to inaction if we go about our daily tasks, responsibilities and goals in an inappropriate way.

The following seven suggestions will hopefully provide you with the groundwork and understanding you need to assist you with moving through the action stage without a second thought about procrastination.

Imperfect Actions

Your actions must be imperfect. This may be very difficult for someone whose self-concept is built upon perfectionism, however if you seek to break out of the procrastination cycle then you must be less thorough and approach each situation in an imperfect way.

Being imperfect doesn’t mean being careless. It rather means being thorough with your planning and actions to the extent that it doesn’t interfere with the achievement of the task or goal you initially laid out on paper.

If you ever find yourself nitpicking on silly little things that others simply will not notice, then you are at that moment sinking into perfectionism, which is of course a form of procrastination.

Small Chunks

Your actions must be undertaken in small chunks.

In so many instances we fall into the procrastination trap because we become overwhelmed with the task at hand. The main reason for this feeling of overwhelm is because we feel incapable of managing the task in an effective way that provides us with a sense of control and confidence.

In order to overcome overwhelm, make sure that you break down the large goals, tasks, or actions into small manageable chunks that you can tackle one fragment at a time.

Passionate Disposition

Your actions must be colored with a passionate disposition. This means that you must find ways to become enthusiastic and excited about the task you are undertaking. This may require a little effort and creativity, however it will go a long way towards helping you build your reservoirs of motivation.

Process Orientation

Your actions must be process oriented.

On many occasions we focus so thoroughly and completely on the end goal or objective, that we neglect our daily tasks and responsibilities. This is another form of procrastination that will eat at us in unexpected ways.

Having big and exciting goals is very important and goes a long way towards building our levels of motivation. However, some of us have a tendency to become a little too focused on the big picture, and we therefore neglect the small daily ritualistic tasks that will help us to attain this end objective.

It is important that you do not lose yourself in your own mind, and that you focus yourself on the present moment and on the tasks at hand that will help you to obtain the larger goals and objectives you have laid out for yourself.

A Commitment to Enjoyment

This is all about having as much fun as possible.

When you thoroughly enjoy the tasks you are working on, time flies by and you become incredibly productive and efficient in your actions. Therefore it is important to always take time to brainstorm ideas on how to make your journey towards your bigger goals and objectives as fun and enjoyable as possible.

Hardest Task First

Many times we procrastinate on difficult tasks, and just keep putting them off over and over again.

When you get to the action stage, you must commit yourself towards tackling the hardest and most difficult tasks on your agenda first. By doing this, you will effectively free your mind from the garbage that this task will throw your way if you try and ignore it.

A difficult or arduous task that we procrastinate on weighs heavily on our thoughts and levels of energy. The longer you allow these tasks to dwell on your mind, the less productive you will become and the more likely you are to fall into the trap of procrastination — likely sabotaging other tasks in the process.

The key is to clear the garbage as soon as possible before it stinks up your whole mind and infects every other task with its foul smell.

11 Minute Rule of Productivity

If all else fails, then apply the 11 minute rule of productivity.

Many times we just can’t seem to find the motivation to simply begin a task or activity. This is probably in essence the most arduous and difficult step to take. However, once we begin, we soon find that we start to move into the flow of the activity; our thinking improves and our motivation levels soar.

Decide today that you will allow yourself 11 minute chunks of time to begin the activity you have been procrastinating on. Simply set the alarm clock for 11 minutes and absorb yourself within your task or activity fully and completely without distracting your mind with other matters. When your alarm clock sounds, simply turn it off and walk away from the task. Take a short break of 11 minutes, and then return to the task for another 11 minute cycle, and so forth.

As you work your way through this process you may find that your motivation levels suddenly begin to soar, and this will entice you to stick with your task or activity for longer then the allocated 11 minutes, which is what you want.

Another interesting psychological event that occurs throughout this process, is that during the 11 minute break, your unconscious mind actually goes to work searching for solutions and answers to help you accomplish this task successfully. This is the main reason why your motivation levels will begin to soar to higher peaks each time you cycle through the 11 minute rule. Try it, and you may be pleasantly surprised with the results.


Motivational Maintenance Strategies

Our motivations are very fragile things, that can easily change with the tides and be taken away by the unpredictable winds that life blows in our direction. Given this, it is important to understand that unless we work on building and growing our skills as a self-motivator over the long-term, that we will simply struggle to stay within this resourceful and productive state when unexpected challenges and setbacks arise.

Within this section we will briefly touch on some of the key strategies, tools, skills and characteristics that you must cultivate within yourself in order to stay motivated when the chips are down. For more strategies, please see unstoppable motivation.

Develop a Set of Simplified Life Skills

In order to keep your motivation levels high at all times, it helps to master a set of life-simplification skills that will allow you to manage your daily tasks and actions more effectively.

These skills will not only improve your efficiency, but will also help to remove boredom, overwhelm and low self-esteem. They will likewise improve your focus, confidence and direction, while providing you with the tools and resources you need to effectively break through the persisting cycles of procrastination that can at times creep back into our lives.

Time Management

Time management will assist you to better manage the tasks and activities related to your goals and objectives.

When you feel in control of your time, your motivation levels naturally soar and create the momentum you need to effectively deal with the challenges and obstacles that stand in your way.

The skill of time management will also help you to counter the effects of stress, worry, anxiety, overwhelm and frustration, which all lead to different forms of procrastination.

Organization and Systemization

These two skills are natural outcroppings of time management. They involve taking the time to organize, arrange, simplify, and systemize your tasks, activities, resources, tools and networks of support in such a way that will boost your motivation and productivity.

When you design your work and study environment in such a way that will assist you to become more efficient and effective in your daily actions, then you will naturally find that your confidence levels begin to grow, and this likewise leads to a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment that brings forth higher levels of motivation.

Given this, take some time today to learn a little more about methods and strategies you could use to organize and systematize your environment that will naturally enhance your levels of motivation. 

Cultivate Motivational Characteristics

It is important to cultivate the following five key characteristics into your psyche and daily actions if you seek to grow and expand your levels of motivation beyond their current levels.

Enthusiasm

It is very difficult to procrastinate when you are enthusiastic about the task or activity you are undertaking. Enthusiasm is naturally built upon the foundations presented within this post.

How can you instill a sense of enthusiasm into your activities?

Discipline

When you are disciplined and committed to the task at hand, you naturally create an aura of importance around this activity, which essentially leads to higher levels of motivation.

In what ways can you raise your levels of discipline and commitment?

Determination

Determination is the biological child of enthusiasm and discipline.

When you are determined to complete a task no matter what obstacles or challenges stand in your way, then you naturally instill the emotion of motivation into your psyche. Your determination unleashes a never quit attitude that creates unstoppable momentum as you move forward towards the achievement of your goals and objectives.

To instill determination into your daily actions, you must establish high importance goals that move you emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. The more reasons you create in your mind for attaining these goals, the higher the level of determination you will cultivate within your psyche.

How many ways can you find to dramatically enhance your levels of determination?

Responsibility

When we take full responsibility for our daily life decisions and actions, we naturally instill a deep connection with the tasks we are working on. We no longer blame outside circumstances, people or events, and we no longer make excuses or feel sorry for ourselves. Instead, we bring forth a quiet controlled intentional focus and motivation, that naturally permeates all our tasks and activities with a sense of purpose and confidence that our outcomes rest completely and securely within our hands.

Responsibility is the key, and it will set you free from the cycles of procrastination.

How will you begin taking full responsibility for all your tasks and activities?

Optimism

Without optimism there can be no motivation.

Have you heard of anyone being moved and motivated by their pessimistic words or perspectives?

Optimism is the key to lifelong motivation that will help you to move mountains and part the oceans. It is an absolutely essential component that supports all other characteristics of motivation, and builds upon all the qualities, techniques and strategies discussed within this post.

Reward Your Accomplishments

As previously discussed, rewards make up one of the essential components that go into creating unstoppable motivation.

In order to encourage ongoing long-term motivation, you must take some time to put a rewards system in place, that will shower you with consistent little pleasures as you step closer towards the attainment of yourgoals and objectives.

Schedule Days Off

Finally, in order to keep your motivation levels at their peak, it is important to schedule regular days off throughout the month and year allowing you to separate yourself from your daily repetitive tasks and activities.

These days can be used for periods of relaxation, for planning, goal setting or simply just for thinking and reflecting. Their purpose is to keep your batteries charged and refreshed for the psychological challenges of procrastination that may squeeze their way back into your life when you least expect them.


Final Thoughts

Procrastination is very much like a human bear trap that unexpectedly subdues our actions and behaviors and prevents us from moving forward in productive ways.

Procrastination is in other ways very much like an exotic drug that gently yet purposefully draws us into its web of temporary relief and pleasure — minimizing uncomfortable feelings and pushing us further down the rabbit hole.

Yes, procrastination is indeed a very dangerous and alluring habit that shatters long-term dreams, hopes and ambitions — eating away at the heart of our passions one small chunk at a time. Yet, given all of this, procrastination is also an illusion of the mind — fully dependent on how we perceive ourselves, others and the events and circumstances pertaining to our lives. Breaking free of these illusions requires both an awareness and understanding of its makeup. Having read this post, you now have both firmly entrenched within your mind. The one remaining element that is now missing is the act of implementing what you know and progressively positioning yourself away from procrastination and towards motivation.

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have used any of these motivational strategies or would like to share a personal experience about how you overcame procrastination, than please feel free to comment below.

Silly question is silly Answer, How to ask better questions?

Benefits and Purpose of Inspired Questions

Our questions could very well be the most powerful, motivating and equally de-motivating factors influencing our daily decisions and actions. In fact their influence over our lives is so profound that our entire thought process is completely and consistently absorbed and overwhelmed with the habit of asking and answering repetitive questions.

If you simply take a moment to reflect on the above statement, you will come to the realization that the vast majority of your day is actually spent on the process of asking questions. Whether this involves asking yourself what you will eat for lunch, what time you should get out of bed, what you must or mustn’t tell your boss, or why you are suddenly feeling like a stale old fish. It just seems as though the questions just keep rolling through our heads like clouds floating in the sky. All of this just makes you think:

“If I am continuously asking questions all day long, everyday of my life, could it just be remotely possible that where I am in my life at this very moment, is somewhat a direct reflection of the questions I have asked myself over a lifetime of thinking?”

Within this section we will delve into the intrinsic purpose of our habitual questioning strategies. We will explore not only the extraordinary impact of our questions, but also identify how they influence our lives from every angle and perspective.

Let’s get started by taking a look at the actual purpose of our questions and delving into the intricacies of their life transforming properties:

The Purpose of Strategically Inspired Questions

Our questions are far more than just a few words jumbled together with a question mark at the end. They in fact have a deep and meaningful purpose that helps to alter our psychology and life in a number of seemingly small and insignificant ways.

It is only once we are able to understand and acknowledge their purpose, that we are finally able to take advantage of the opportunities that they present us with.

Helps Alter Perspective and Life Experience

Our questions help alter the perspective of the world around us. These questions essentially color how we view ourselves, others, objects, events and circumstances in ways that help us to see things in a new light and from a unique and different angle.

If you ask resourceful, optimistic and solution focused questions, they will expand your perspective and awareness of the possibilities that are available to you at any given moment in time. On the other hand, if you ask questions that are focused on problems and things that you do not want in your life, then they will likewise present you with more of what you are asking for: problems, headaches, ongoing stress and anguish.

Turn On Your Question Barometer…

If you find that your perspective of the world is suddenly being limited or constricted in any way, then immediately angle and phrase your questions by using methods that will help you to expand your perspective about yourself, others and the circumstances of your life. This will likewise help you identify a greater array of opportunities that can move your life forward in immeasurable ways.

Helps Alter Emotional State

The questions we ask are intrinsically connected to the emotions that we experience on an ongoing basis throughout our day.

If your questions are unresourceful and focused on problems, then this will put you into a negative frame-of-mind, which will likewise lead to emotions of stress, anxiety, worry, fear, anger, frustration and more.

On the other hand, if you focus on questions that allow you to expand the possibilities of your current predicament, then you will find that your emotions will tend to expand in positive ways into the realm of curiosity, excitement, enthusiasm, and intrigue.

Turn On Your Question Barometer…

Keep a psychological check on the impact that your daily questioning habits have on your emotional states. If you feel as though you have suddenly hit an emotional brick wall, immediately stop yourself and ask a new set of questions that will instantly trigger positive emotions.

Helps Alter Physiological State

Our emotional states are intrinsically connected to our physiological bodies. This means that if you ask unresourceful questions focused on problems, you will essentially experience a change in your physiology that will likewise trigger negative emotions of an unresourceful nature.

On the other hand, questions that are angled towards solutions and potential opportunities will put your body into a resourceful state — providing you with the emotional strength you need to move through the obstacles and challenges currently standing in your way.

Turn On Your Question Barometer…

Keep a check on your physiology as you move through your day. The moment you notice your physiology sink into a unresourceful state, immediately ask solution focused questions that will help you to break out of this slump.

Helps Alter What we Focus On

Many people have an unconscious habit of asking questions about things that they don’t want in their lives. Because they persistently ask these types questions, this naturally focuses their mind on unwanted objects, people, circumstances and events. They simply don’t understand that the persistent questions they ask, focus and direct their mind on the things they ask about.

On the other hand, if we develop the habit of only asking questions about the things we want in our lives, such as the emotions we want to feel, things we want to experience and solutions we want to implement, then we will likewise experience that reality.

Turn On Your Question Barometer…

The moment you catch yourself focusing on the things that you do not want in your life, immediately ask a different question that will help you direct your mind on the things that you do want to have and experience within your reality.

Helps Alter What We Consciously Delete

By asking a certain type of question, we effectively delete anything within the external environment that is not consistent with the answers we seek. This means, that if you ask a question that’s focused on exacerbating a problem, then as a result, it is very likely that you will be completely blinded to the solutions that are seemingly within your reach.

Your brain will naturally filter-out everything that does not correspond to your current beliefs, values, goals and objectives. And it is the questions you ask that determine what gets filtered-out or filtered-in to your perspective of reality.

If you ask solution focused questions, this will likewise filter-out everything from your experience that would exacerbate the problem.

Turn On Your Question Barometer…

The moment you catch yourself focusing on a problem that just seems to be expanding and growing within your reality, immediately stop yourself and turn your focus and attention on the solution.

Ask better and more insightful questions that only focus on the solution to this problem.

The more attention you give to finding a solution, the greater amount of resources you will draw from yourself and the external world to successfully find the answers you are searching for.

Strengthens Weak Belief Systems

Our belief systems are very important in terms of helping us make insightful decisions that lead to decisive action. However, if you are finding that your decisions and actions are somewhat hesitant in nature, then it could very well signify a set of weak belief systems that are currently directing your behavior.

One of the best ways to strengthen weak belief systems is to ask a set of effective questions that will bring about a wave of new confidence.

Your beliefs are weak because they have very few resources and references tied to them. Questions will help you to strengthen these references and attract the resources you need to turn your weak beliefs into empowering action oriented convictions. 

The Quality of the Questions You Ask is Critical

The quality of the questions we consistently ask on a daily basis has an incredibly profound impact on our lives. In fact, where we are in our lives at this very moment, is very much a direct reflection of the questions we have habitually and unconsciously asked ourselves over time.

If you are not happy or fulfilled with one or more areas of your life, then it could very well result from a limiting set of questions that you have been asking yourself over the past few weeks, months, years or decades that have shapes your current life circumstances.

The first key here is to acknowledge your current life predicament and identify the habitual unconscious questions that have brought you to this point in your life.

The second key requires that you develop a set of empowering questions that you will introduce into your life from this day forward.

Let’s take a closer look at the profound impact that daily habitual questions have on our lives:

Determines What We Gain Access to

Because our questions help expand our awareness and understanding of ourselves and the world around us, they also effectively help us gain a unique perspective about objects, people and the circumstances that are currently confronting our reality. Through this perspective and awareness we are better able to pinpoint and recognize the opportunities and resources that we will need to help us move forward in our lives.

All this goes to show that if you ask the right questions, you will gain access to these opportunities and resources. If on the other hand you neglect to ask an effective set of questions, then you will simply fail to recognize the resources and opportunities that can help you overcome the problems and challenges confronting your life.

Shapes Our Ability and Potential

The habitual questions you ask yourself on a daily basis shape your intelligence, creativity, ability to solve problems and reach your full potential as a productive human being.

The more effective you become at asking consistent high quality questions that are focused on solutions and expanding possibilities, then the more of your potential you will effectively tap into, and the greater success you will experience in any field of endeavor.

If you feel that for some reason you are not living out your true potential, then it could very signify that you need to alter the questions you ask yourself on a daily basis.

Determines Our Ongoing Happiness

Because the questions we ask ourselves can effectively alter our emotional states, it just makes sense that our ongoing happiness is therefore intrinsically intertwined with the habitual questions we choose to ask ourselves on a daily basis.

If you are not happy with any aspect of your life, then decide today to transform the questions you are persistently asking. Focus your questions on things that you want in your life, rather than things that bring you sadness, stress and anguish.

Determines Our Overall Success

Given everything that we have discussed thus far, it makes perfect sense that the quality of questions we persistently ask throughout our lives determines our success in life, love, career, school as well as the level of income we currently have. It therefore could be argued that the quality of our questions determines the quality of our life.


Strengthening and Weakening Question Types

There are essentially two types of questions that we can choose to ask ourselves on a daily basis.

The first category of questions weaken our ability to think effectively, and thereby tend to close the doors to opportunity, while at the same time making us feel inadequate and incapable as we lose ourselves within a myriad of excuses and complaints.

The second category of questions help to strengthen our resolve, willpower and persistent nature, thereby opening doors to a myriad of new opportunities and avenues for growth and development.

Each of these two question categories is positioned on opposite ends of the spectrum. This is important to understand, because where you decide to plant your thoughts along this spectrum, will essentially determine what you have, what you will accomplish, experience, feel, and how you will essentially live out the remainder of your life.

Let’s now take a deeper look at the two questioning categories and break down the dramatic psychological impact that they can have on how we think, act and behave.

Weakening Questions: Why?

Why questions are questions that make us feel sorry for ourselves, our predicament and circumstances. They are questions that seek sympathy from others because they come from a state of hope and weakness.

Why questions tend to bring about unending sorrow and misery that locks the mind away into a state of chaos that has very little structure and form.

Under no circumstances should you ever partake in the habit of asking useless why questions that will break your spirit and paralyze your motivations.

Here are some why question examples you must avoid at all costs, however before reading them, it’s important to understand that you will always find answers to the questions you consistently and persistently ask yourself on a daily basis.

Why does life always seem to be working against me?

Why do I have such rotten luck?

Why should I even try?

Why am I so inadequate and incapable?

Why does this always happen to me?

Why does my life suck so much?

Why do I always do dumb things?

Why Questions are Loop Questions

They are known as loop questions because they tend to wrap us within a cycle of excuses, blame and problems that never seems to end.

It just makes sense, that when we are constantly focused on the things that we do not want in our lives, that these things will just tend to grow and expand within our physical reality.

Why Questions lead to Blame

Asking too many why questions will naturally lead to blaming of self, others, objects, events and the circumstances within one’s life.

When we sink into the habit of blame, we become very unproductive and unresourceful, and this tends to lead to an ever expanding cycle of blame that destroys our emotional lives.

Why Questions lead to Limitations

Because why questions cause us to feel sorry for ourselves, it’s just natural for this type of behavior to limit access to the opportunities, support and resources that are available to us.

Have another read through the why questions presented above, and ask yourself whether a person using this type of language has any hope of ever taking advantage of any opportunities, support and resources while they maintain this state-of-mind.

Why Questions lead to Problems

Why questions are specifically focused on the things that we do not want in our lives. These things are effectively labeled as problems that stand in our way towards achieving the happiness we desire to experience in our lives.

The more why questions we ask, the deeper we sink into the mentality of focusing on the potential problems that have a tendency to overwhelm and spin us out of our control.

Why Questions lead to Excuses

The deeper we sink into the intricacies of our life’s problems, the more reasons and excuses we find for our predicaments.

It is important to understand that our excuses are not solutions, they are rather rationalizations that make us feel better about the problems we are currently experiencing.

In many instances our excuses can actually make us feel better, and therefore help us to effectively live in harmony with our problems for short sporadic periods of time. However, over the long haul, excuses build up and give birth to regrets, which can easily turn to anger and deep states of depression.

Why Questions lead to Doubt

Asking why questions creates self-doubt about our ability, intelligence, creativity, skills, etc. And the more doubt we manifest, the more why questions we tend to ask in order to try and rationalize these feelings of uncertainty that live in the pit of our stomachs.

Doubt is a sabotaging force that can trigger many unresourceful emotions that will keep you within a powerless hesitant state where nothing ever gets accomplished.

Avoid self-doubt at all costs by minimizing the whys in your life.

Strengthening Questions: How? What?

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have the how and what questioning process that will help us to overcome any obstacle and challenge that confronts us.

These types of questions will bring forth a psychological perspective that will help you to break down the barriers that are standing between you and your objectives.

These questions are also known as strengthening questions because of their ability to expand our thinking, awareness and strength of character.

How Question Examples

Here are some how question examples you can use to help you overcome the obstacles and challenges standing in your way:

How can I do this smarter?

How can I make this better?

How can I successfully overcome this?

How can I think outside the box here?

How can I make this mine despite the odds?

What Question Examples

Here are some what question examples you can use to help you overcome the obstacles and challenges standing in your way:

What can I do to turn this around?

What is the hidden opportunity here that I am not seeing?

What is great about this situation that I hadn’t noticed?

What is the best solution here?

What is it about this that can make me stronger?

Help You Focus on Solutions

Because of their very nature, how and what questions naturally focus our minds on problem solving thinking strategies that help to expand the possibilities and find solutions to the challenges that are currently confronting our lives.

To help you with this, always direct your mind on what you want, and ask effective questions that will help you find solutions to your problems.

Help You Focus on Goals and Objectives

Because these questions are focused on solutions, they will therefore help you to focus and direct your thoughts towards the goals and objectives you are seeking to obtain.

To help you with this, you must persistently direct your mind on asking questions that will focus you on a myriad of methods and strategies you can utilize to assist you with achieving your goals.

Help You Expand Creativity

Creativity comes through the process of asking solution focused questions, that expand our perspective and awareness about a specific problem or challenge that is confronting us.

To help you with this, always begin by thinking outside the box, looking at unorthodox strategies and methods that might seem somewhat unnatural or bizarre.

Once you have crystallized an idea, ask of it as many how and what questions that will help you to expand it’s possibilities into seemingly unexpected directions.

Help Move You to Action

What and how questions help to expand our thinking by focusing us on the outcomes and results we would like to bring forth into our lives. This naturally stimulates and triggers a wave of positive emotions that lead to higher levels of motivation, which likewise inspires proactive action.

To help you with this, constantly ask yourself questions focused on how you will feel once you have accomplished a task. Actually take time to physically acknowledge the benefits and perks that you will experience once your goals and objectives have been successfully attained.

It’s also helpful to ask yourself questions that will assist you with finding more enjoyment along your journey towards your desired outcomes.

Help Inspire Responsibility for Actions and Results

Because how and what questions are solution-based, they tend not to trigger the excuses, blame and doubt that typical why questions tend to do. As a result these types of questions will naturally bring forth a sense of responsibility and accountability for the actions you take and the decisions you make.

To help you with this, always focus your attention on asking questions that will help you find reasonshow to make things work, despite the circumstances or the mistakes that might have been made.

Help Transform Limiting Habits

Our limiting unconscious habits can often sabotage our decisions and actions in unexpected ways.

The first step that will help us to overcome these habits lies in the process of awareness. We must become aware of these limiting habits first and foremost before we are able to successfully overcome and transform them.

When working through limiting habits, it’s important to reflect on the power of our questions, and on the ability they have to dramatically transform our patterns of behavior.

To help you with this, utilize what and how questions that are focused on solutions and possibilities that will help you to break out of the limiting patterns of behavior. The more effective solution-centered questions you ask of each limiting habit, the greater sense of confidence you will muster within yourself to successfully overcome this psychological roadblock.

Above all else it is important to understand that you must always be seeking answers, and not just fall into the habit of asking repetitive questions.

Help Expand Opportunities

Solution focused questions naturally help to expand the opportunities that are available to us at any given moment in time.

When you are asking questions that focus on breaking down the obstacles along your path, or curiously seeking to find solutions for unanswered questions, this will naturally open the doors to new insights, ideas and understandings that will help bring forth opportunities into your life that were simply not accessible before.

To help you with this, you must first come to the realization that no matter how grim the circumstances of your life may seem at this very moment, that you must never give up on the potential opportunities that might be out there.

Opportunities are often built upon one’s own perspective. What one person sees as an opportunity, another person sees as the end of the world.

Begin today by shifting your frame-of-mind in a way that will help you to ask better and higher quality questions, thusly expanding your current perspectives about the state of your reality.   


Overcoming Obstacles Using Questions

There is no doubt, that a strategic and purposeful use of questions can lead to great success, fulfillment and happiness. In fact questions are essentially the intellectual outcroppings of our thoughts that help us to break down problems and overcome some of life’s toughest challenges.

A question within itself is not creative in nature, it is rather used as a catalyst that helps stimulate creative thought — further enhancing our abilities to overcome the problems and setbacks that confront our daily realities.

Within this section we will delve into some simple, yet very effective questioning tactics we can utilize to overcome potential obstacles and challenges.

24/7 Solution Focused Questions

As you go about your daily activities it is important to keep your mind sharp, alert and focused on the solutions that could potentially help you to overcome the problems and pitfalls that life can throw your way.

To do this, you must zero-in on a set number of effective questions that will help stimulate creative thought, while expanding your problem solving skills and abilities.

There are literally dozens of questions that can be utilized here. However, for the purpose of this discussion, here are two very effective questions that will do the job just right:

What is great about this?

No matter how grim or dire the circumstances may at first appear to be, this question focuses your mind on the positive outcomes you are seeking to attain.

How can I best use this to my advantage?

This question focuses your mind on the possible solutions while expanding your awareness of the potential opportunities that could be hiding around the corner. You are effectively brainstorming methods for turning lemons into lemonade.

The Question Process for Overcoming Every Obstacle

If you need a little extra leverage to help you overcome the obstacles in your life, then you might find it helpful to utilize the following four pronged question attack method for overcoming problems:

Possibility Question: “What if I can make this work?”

This question enhances confidence and expands your thinking, focus and awareness about the potential solutions that could help you overcome this problem.

Necessity Question: “What must I now do to make this happen?”

This question stimulates your creativity and problem solving ability to help you work through the possible solutions to your predicament.

Reducing Resistance Question: “What do I choose to do?“

Sometimes we tend to be somewhat reluctant to take the necessary steps that will bring our thoughts and ideas to fruition.

By deciding what you will choose to do, instead of what you must do, will help you to draw up a plan of action and possibly avoid the pitfalls of procrastination.

Mismatching Question: “What if it doesn’t work?“

The purpose of this question is twofold. First, it helps you identify and prepare for the possible challenges and setbacks that may lie along your journey. While at the same time, helping to expand the confidence and flexibility-of-thought you will need in order to overcome this challenge successfully.

Once you have moved through and answered the mismatch question, you would once again cycle through the four pronged question attack method until you are happy and confident that you can achieve your outcome.

Questioning Your Questions

If after undergoing the above two questioning tactics you are still unable to overcome your problems successfully, then you might like to try questioning your questions.

Sometimes we simply cannot find the right answers that will help us move past obstacles because we fail to ask the right questions in the first place.

If all else fails, work your way through the following set of questions:

Am I asking the right questions?

What’s the most useful question I can ask that will help me to overcome this problem successfully?

What’s the most useful question I can ask that will help me unlock new insights, ideas, solutions and opportunities that I am not seeing at this very moment?

The Process of Finding Insightful Answers

Knowing what questions to ask only takes you halfway. The second half of the process involves knowing how to find the answers that will bring forth effective solutions to your quality questions.

This process requires the following elements:

Emotional Intensity

The greater the commitment and emotional intensity behind the questions you ask, the more readily and quickly the answers will come.

Focus

The more you focus on and absorb your whole mind, body and spirit into the process of finding the answers you seek, the more readily and quickly the answers will come to you.

Expectancy

The greater the sense of expectation you create around your questions, the more readily and quickly the answers will come to you.

Awareness

Our answers come to us in many shapes and forms as we go about our daily activities. Many times these answers will be very obscure and may not immediately be evident at first glance. However, through closer inspection you may realize that the answer is far more obvious then you ever imagined. Hence, the more attention you give to the intricate dynamics of the world around you, the more readily and quickly the answers will come.

Persistence and Patience

In the end, it all comes down to persistence and patience. If you are persistent and determined to find an answer to the questions you ask, then they will eventually find you.

Sometimes answers only come after a long period of patience and deep self-reflection when we learn to consciously let go of the question and direct our minds on other endeavors. And at other times all it takes is a little intuition.

Morning and Evening Daily Questions and Reflections

In order to keep ourselves focused and centered throughout our day, it is important to partake in periods of thought and self-reflection every morning and evening.

Periods of self-reflection should be utilized to help us ground ourselves, to learn from our experiences, and to focus our minds on the most important and pivotal areas of our lives.

Personally, I have utilized these questioning strategies for a number of years now. They help me in the morning to focus and direct my mind on what I want most, and later in the evening they assist me with the process of personal growth and reinvention.

The following set of questions are only examples that have worked for me. Feel free to remove, adjust or add your own as you see fit.

Morning Questions

Morning questions should be used for planning and thinking ahead.

Spend about 5 to 10 minutes in the morning consciously answering these set of questions. For best results, you should keep the answers to these questions at the forefront of your mind as you go about your daily activities. Finally, it’s important to be vividly specific with your answers. Don’t answer with fluff, but rather with specific substance that will help you to intentionally lay out the plans for your daily activities and patterns of thought and behavior.

What do I choose to do today?

What do I choose to become today?

What do I choose to have today?

What do I desire to happen today?

How do I intend to think and feel today?

How do I choose to serve others and provide value today?

How will I have fun and enjoy myself today?

Evening Questions

Evening questions should be used for self-reflection, gratitude and reinvention.

Again spend about 5 to 10 minutes (sometimes more may be required) to consciously reflect upon these questions. Your goal throughout this process must lead you to a psychological transformation that will help you grow and become a better person tomorrow than you were today.

What have I learned, and how have I grown today?

How has the world mirrored my inner patterns of thought and feeling?

What do I appreciate about today?

Why do I appreciate this?

How have I contributed today to others and the world around me?

What have I done today that has brought me closer towards attaining my goals and objectives?

Where does my life appear to be headed based on today’s events and circumstances?

Where does my life appear to be headed based on my current patterns of behavior?

How must I now reinvent myself in order to attract what I want most in my life?

What new questions do I now seek answers to?


Final Thoughts

How we question ourselves, others, circumstances and the world around us, is intrinsically connected to the experiences and emotions we tend to attract into our lives.

If we consciously take time to develop the habit of asking resourceful and solution focused questions on a daily basis, then this will enrich our lives in so many unexpected and seemingly unimagined ways. If on the other hand we neglect this responsibility and just settle upon a pattern of asking unresourceful problem-centered questions, then our lives will likewise be a reflection of this ineffective thought process.

In the end, the choice we make completely rests within our hands. And it is this choice that will determine the level of success, happiness and fulfillment we experience within our lives. So let’s be sure to choose wisely…

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have had success with using questions to help you overcome the obstacles and challenges in your life, than please feel free to share your experiences in the comments section below

10 ways to make others like you

The 10 characteristics of likeable people – Are you one of them?

 

Likeable people can win you directly. Looking at someone in the eyes or speaking with them, you quickly feel familiar and positive feelings are created. Is it really a charisma the way that a person can earn the liking in their environment? Let’s examine the 10 main characteristics that make some people more likeable than others.

1. Positive attitude

Likeable people bring out a positive mental attitude and face everything with a smile. This does not mean that they behave with naivety ignoring the difficulties; on the contrary, they act consciously and try to cope with everything having a positive attitude.

2. Non-judgmental

People, who are generally considered likeable, recognize everyone’s efforts for the best. They do not criticize anyone and treat everyone with the same respect.

3. Open minded

People, who are open to different ideas and new ways of doing things, are usually likeable. The reason that makes them likeable is the willingness and the desire to learn and experience new things.

These people, seem open even from the tone of their voice or the way they use the language.

4. Honesty

Honesty wins immediately everyone around you. Those who are especially likeable, base their relationships on trust and deep moral. All the above occur as a result of the degree of a person’s sincerity.

5. Are able to admit their mistakes

One of the characteristics that can make a person likeable is the down to earth and human character.

In other words, people who can say, “I don’t know” and are able to admit their mistakes or show a different side of themselves, they earn the respect of others.

6. Source of inspiration

Those who bring out a leading aura, induce faith to people working with them.

They believe that they are capable of great achievements and wish to follow their example.

7. Good listeners

The value of a proper dialog, is both to talk and listen as well. In fact, there are continuous misunderstandings when there are interruptions and for this reason, good listeners earn the sympathy of everyone.

A good listener, can become the support when a person close to them wants to talk. Good listeners in this way earn sympathy.

 

8. Interest for others

Individuals who earn sympathy, focus on what they can do for you and not for themselves. They try through discussions to help you, not to be helped or show off.

9. Humor

It is not the easiest thing, since everyone perceives jokes in a different way.

It is no coincidence that there are many, who find people with humor besides likeable, attractive as well.

10. Exit

A good exit causes a sensation and wins impressions. The handshake, the touch on the shoulder or the hand and an honest sentence while leaving wins and can seal an acquaintance in the best way.

Are you a last minute man? living in Urgency

Living with a Sense of Urgency

There are some real and tangible reason why you’re not where you want to be in your life. It could result from unhelpful beliefs, dreadful habits, conflicting goals or values, and a plethora of other ways you have found to sabotage yourself. You might in fact have worked through these areas on some level, however for one reason or another, you’re still stuck in your old ways. Your life is stagnating and you just can’t seem to find the consistent motivation you need to move forward.

All the above are very valid reasons why things aren’t moving forward in your life. However, working through these areas individually is often very time consuming and tedious. If only there was a much simpler approach that would get you out of this stuck state and allow you to move your life forward with greater momentum? Well there is…

The most successful people in the world have their own personal battles. They also have unhelpful beliefs, dreadful habits and conflicting goals and values. Their lives are far from perfect. However, despite these issues, they still find a way to accomplish their goals and objectives. How do they do this? Well for starters they don’t make any excuses about their life or circumstances. And secondly, they live daily with a sense of urgency. This sense of urgency forces them to work harder and smarter throughout the day. This leads to steady progress and improvement over the course of a week, month and year, up until the point they achieve their desired outcomes.

It is this sense of urgency that is probably missing in your life. You simply have no urgency to get things done, to achieve your goals, to overcome your problems, etc. Without urgency, there is no motivation — there is nothing forcing you to get up early in the morning to pursue your goals, and there is certainly nothing enticing you to stay up late when tasks haven’t yet been completed. You’re simply too comfortable where you are in your life at the moment and this is preventing you from moving forward.

Yes, of course you might very well be dissatisfied with your life. You have so much to live up to and so much to achieve. However, things aren’t that bad. You have access to many of the things that make life satisfactory and bearable right here, right now. This might not be ideal, but it’s fine and acceptable. You don’t feel like moving forward because you simply don’t have enough reasons to help stimulate your motivation. If only someone could just turn on the switch to power-up your sense of urgency… how different would your life be?


The Evolution of Urgency

To begin living with a sense of urgency it’s important to understand how it originates and manifests in people’s lives. Well, there are actually two ways a sense of urgency can be created. One way is forced upon you by external events, people and circumstances, and the other way is created from within.

Here is a very blunt example of the first way that urgency is created. Just imagine for a moment a mafia boss kidnapped you and made all these threats against you and your family. He mentions that the only way to ensure everyone’s safety is for you to attain your goals by a certain date. Immediately this creates a sense of urgency and forces you to take the necessary action steps to attain your desired outcomes — does it not?

The second way urgency is created comes from within. Here you create either a real or imagined sense of urgency that spurs you on towards your desired outcomes. It doesn’t really matter how you end up convincing yourself to take urgent action in pursuit of your goals, as long as it creates within you a strong desire to attack your goals with purpose and get things done intelligently and quickly.


The Requirements for Urgency

In order to create a sense of urgency you must be fully present in the moment. Urgency only exists in the moment. Obsessively thinking about the future will only manifest in anxiety and worry — which could paralyze you and lead to procrastination. Remaining in the present will help you to focus fully on the task at hand to get the job done in the most effective and efficient means possible. This of course doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t think about the future. Taking future deadlines into consideration is very important when it comes to creating a sense of urgency, however, what’s important is that you don’t obsess over your future, but instead stay present in order to create a sense of urgency in the moment.

Urgency also requires a proactive approach to your tasks and projects. Being proactive means that you are constantly thinking a few steps ahead to identify what needs to get done. Being proactive also means that you are focusing on your highest priority activities — these are the 20 percent of activities that will get you 80 percent of the results.

Discipline is also required to create a sense of urgency. Discipline is important because it keeps you focused and on-task no matter how many distractions and obstacles you need to fight through in order to get to your desired objective.

Finally, to create a sense of urgency you need to combine optimism with determination to get your tasks and projects completed. Optimism will keep you motivated when things get difficult, and determination will help you wade through the difficulties that you will inevitably face along your journey.

Without all these habits-of-mind you will struggle to create a lasting sense of urgency in your life.


The Advantages of Urgency

Before taking a look at the advantages of living with urgency, there are a number of disadvantages that you must be aware of:

The Disadvantages

Living with a sense of urgency does mean that you will be working at a far more rapid pace then you’re probably use to. This can lead to higher levels of stress and tension. It can even lead to the feelings of overwhelm and frustration, which can result in fatigue if left unmanaged and can also impact your ability to make effective decisions. Experiencing these emotions is inevitable. It’s not whether it will happen, it’s rather when it will happen. And if you’re not ready for when it happens, then these emotions will leave you feeling drained and unmotivated. As such you need to learn to manage all these emotions in productive ways that will help — not hinder — you along your journey.

The Advantages

There are of course a number of key advantages when it comes to living with a sense of urgency.

For starters, a sense of urgency will naturally boost your levels of productivity because it forces you to work faster, and therefore also think faster than you normally would. Pressured thinking will stimulate your creativity and encourage you to think outside the box about your tasks and problems. This will likewise lead to higher levels of innovation as you try and find better and quicker ways to do things in order to reach your deadlines. And as everything starts to come together and you begin to make rapid progress, you will naturally see a spike in your motivation.

So even though there are drawbacks to living with urgency, there are plenty of advantages as well that can help you to create the momentum you need to attain your goals and objectives.


Living with Urgency Process

There are a number of things you must initially do that will help you to live with a sense of urgency. Without doing this background work first, you will struggle to maintain a sense of urgency in the long-run.

Here is a four step process that will provide you with the foundations for living with more urgency:

Step One

Your first step is to set an inspiring vision for the future. This is your vision for life — a personal legend. No matter what you call it, it must be something that inspires and motivates you to live with a sense of purpose. Ask yourself:

What is my life’s vision?

What do I ultimately want to achieve?

What kind of person do I ultimately want to become?

Once you have outlined your purpose, your next task is to gain more clarity about what achieving this purpose specifically requires you to do. Ask yourself:

What goals would I specifically like to achieve?

When will I achieve these goals?

Your goals must be motivating and challenging at the same time. Without the “challenge” aspect, you will fail to find the motivation you need to maintain your sense or urgency in the long-run.

Also, when it comes to setting your goals, make sure that you outline clear short-term deadlines. Short-term deadlines are critical when it comes to creating a sense of urgency because they help you to stay focused and on-task. If for instance you only have long-term deadlines, then you might find it difficult to stay motivated today if the deadline is 12 months away. However, creating short-term deadlines for the end of this week, will provide you with the motivation you need “this week” to get the task done. It’s therefore absolutely paramount that you break your goal down into small parts and assign at the very least weekly deadlines that will help you to stay focused on achieving them.

Step Two

Having clarified your vision of the future and the goals that you will be working towards, now comes time to break these goals down into smaller projects and tasks to make them more manageable on a day-to-day basis. You need to essentially formulate a plan of action moving forward that will get you to your desired destination. Ask yourself:

How could I divide my goals into smaller projects?

What tasks does each project need completed?

When will I need to complete each of these projects and tasks?

As you work through this process, you might realize that you don’t have all the knowledge, tools, skills, support and other resources at your disposal that will help you to get the job done. In such instances, you will need to acquire the necessary resources to achieve your desired outcome. Ask yourself:

What skills might I need to bring my vision of the future to life?

What tools might I need to attain this goal?

What knowledge might I need to complete this project?

What support might I need to get this task done successfully?

How will I acquire all these resources?

Finally, you must take time to pinpoint some of the difficulties you might face along your journey. Ask yourself:

What obstacles could I possibly face while working on this project?

What difficulties could I confront doing this task?

What setbacks could potentially prevent me from achieving my goal?

What time wasting activities must I eliminate from my life?

What low value activities might not be worth focusing on?

Take time to specifically identify all the roadblocks that you might face along your journey. The more clarity you have here, the easier it will be for you to create the sense of urgency you need to move forward.

Step Three

It’s difficult to create a sustainable sense of urgency without first identifying the reasons or benefits to move forward. Ask yourself:

Why is completing this project important?

Why is it vital that I attain this goal?

Why must I do all this? Why now?

What are the benefits of taking these actions?

The more benefits and reasons you can find to move forward, then the greater sense of urgency you will create. However, benefits are only half the picture. You must also generate the pain you could potentially experience if you take no action or simply fail to achieve your goals within the allocated deadlines. Think about the consequences of not achieving your goal and ask yourself:

What will I potentially lose-out on if I don’t do this?

What will I be unable to do, be and/or have if I fail to achieve my desired outcomes?

What will all this cost me in the long-term and short-term?

How will all this make me feel?

Creating a sense of urgency requires that you associate pleasure towards attaining your desired outcomes, while at the same time associating a great deal of pain if you fail to get the job done. It is then your task to remind yourself daily about how awful this pain feels and how incredible the rewards will be once you attain your desired objectives. This will hopefully provide you with the motivation you need to keep yourself in a state of urgency in the long-run.

Step Four

The final step is to create penalties and rewards. Create penalties for when you fail to reach your desired outcomes within the allocated deadlines. And also create rewards for when you achieve them within the allocated deadlines. This will help to spur you on, and is likely to create the additional motivation you need to complete all your tasks and projects with a sense of urgency.


Creating a Sense of Urgency

A sense of urgency isn’t something that’s created once and then forgotten about. A sense of urgency is something that you must continue to create within yourself on a daily basis if you desire to maintain the highest levels of peak performance. Just doing the foundational work is not enough. Motivation must be rekindled on a daily basis like a fire that needs extra fuel to keep it burning.

Here are some ideas that will help you maintain high levels of urgency throughout the day:

Set Time Targets and Time Limits

A time target is the amount of time you will work on a specific task. So for instance you can set a time target to work on a specific task for a period of one hour. Once set, you must continue working on that task for a full hour. This is helpful because it commits you to working on that specific task for a designated period of time without distractions.

A time limit is a set amount of time you designate for completing a specific task. You could for instance specify that you will complete a task within an hour. This might require setting a timer for 60 minutes and then having it countdown to zero. As a result you will be forced to think and work quickly during that hour without distractions in order to get the job done.

Before setting time limits it’s important that you first outline what exactly you would like to achieve and the process you will undertake to complete this task. Only after you have clarified these two things should you set your time limits.

Make sure your time limits are realistic, and yet at the same time challenging. The challenging aspect will make things interesting, and the time limit itself will give you a sense of urgency while working on your task.

Build Consistent Momentum

If you desire to do things with more urgency, it’s absolutely paramount that you work on developing momentum throughout the day. You will of course move through peaks and valleys in your energy over the course of 12 or more hours. This is okay. Learn to manage this energy. What’s most important is that you keep your momentum moving forward by thinking quickly and doing things efficiently. And this all begins with simple things such as responding to people quickly and getting to the point quickly without wasting time. Keeping things short and focused will ensure you move forward without stagnating.

Think about all your meetings, appointments and the conversations you have with other people. Really focus-in on these activities and keep them as short and to the point as is necessary to get the right information across or the job done as effectively and efficiently as possible. Wasting your time on things that will rob you of that sense of urgency will only slow you down and deplete your levels of motivation and energy.

If all else fails, one of the best ways to build your internal sense of urgency is to hustle — moving your body quickly and with purpose. Moving quickly and with purpose will force you to become more alert and therefore think on your feet far more effectively. In fact, your physiology plays an incredibly important role when it comes to creating urgency. Use your body effectively and it will serve you well, use it sluggishly and it will rob you of your momentum.

Develop a Competitive Spirit

A competitive spirit will keep you alert, primed and ready to respond to threats and take advantage of opportunities that may arise. In such instances you are often measuring your progress against your rivals — to get a feel for what you are doing well, as-well-as areas where you might potentially be able to improve.

If you realize you’re behind, this will provide you with the sense of urgency you need to catch up. And if you’re in front, it might give you a reason to relax and become a little complacent. Don’t fall into this trap. For urgency to exist you must either be running away from something painful, or moving towards something that will give you pleasure. A competitive spirit should give you the best of both worlds, however if you’re already ahead of your rivals, then make sure that you set higher personal targets and standards to help keep yourself focused and motivated.

Eliminate Unnecessary Activities

The one thing that will immediately rob you of a sense of urgency is the process of bogging yourself down with tedious and unnecessary tasks that slow down the momentum you’ve been working so hard to create. It is therefore important to identify these tasks and eliminate, delegate or outsource them wherever possible.

Of course there is no avoiding some tasks. They may be tedious, however they’ve got to be done. And if you can’t eliminate them or find someone else to do them, then you’re left with no option but to do them yourself. This is not an ideal scenario, however it’s one you need to accept and embrace wholeheartedly. Therefore instead of reluctantly undertaking these tasks, turn these tasks into challenges and games, or set time limits to help you create a false sense of urgency.

Think on Your Feet

With a sense of urgency comes raised levels of productivity. However, to keep recreating that sense of urgency throughout your day, it’s important that you think on your feet moving from task-to-task.

In order to create this sense of urgency you must persistently ask yourself the following three questions:

What now?

What else could I do?

What’s my next step?

Think for a moment what a person who has absolutely no urgency would think:

  • This was so boring and hard…
  • I can’t believe this took so long…
  • I’m so hungry… I wonder what I’ll eat for dinner?
  • I wonder what Jenny is doing right now…
  • I’m dreading this next task…
  • Do I really have to do this?
  • Why in the world do I even bother?

As you can see, these are two very contrasting examples. A person with urgency is moving quickly from one task to the next, while the person with no urgency spends most of their time complaining and distracting themselves from the task at hand.

Use Your Imagination to Create Urgency

If nothing else is working for you, and you just can’t seem to find that sense of urgency you are after, then try using your imagination to create a sense of urgency.

For instance, imagine time rapidly ticking away. Every moment you waste is time lost forever. You will never get this time back. Once gone, it’s gone, and you only have a limited time left to get things done. Use this to help you focus-in on what’s important and get the job done as rapidly as possible.

Alternatively imagine that you are struggling in last place. You’re in a race working through your tasks and projects to achieve your end goal. However, you’re last. The competition is ahead of you and you have absolutely no chance of being victorious if you lag behind. You must therefore step up your game and begin progressively catching up one step at a time.

Or imagine you’re fighting for your survival as an underdog. No one believes in you, in fact everyone doubts you, and the world is throwing obstacles in your path to prevent you from reaching your desired outcome. Use this as a tool to help motivate you to take positive action moving forward.

Stay Focused on Results and Deadlines

When it comes to creating a sense of urgency, deadlines are your friend. Deadlines will force you to be creative as you find ways to do things far more quickly and efficiently. Deadlines will also help you to stay focused on the task at hand without distractions. It is therefore absolutely paramount that you create concrete deadlines for all tasks and projects.

If you don’t reach a particular deadline, then set a new deadline, however punish yourself in some way for not reaching your first deadline. This punishment could be in the form of denying yourself your favorite food, or not listening to your favorite music, etc. No matter what it is, make sure that your brain associates pain as a result of not meeting this deadline. And if for instance the deadline you set wasn’t realistic enough, then set a new deadline that’s more realistic, but still challenging at the same time.

Value Long-term Pleasure and Rewards

To live with a sense of urgency means that you avoid getting yourself caught up within the instant gratification trap. These are the little pleasures and temptations that will feel absolutely wonderful in the moment, however you will regret indulging in them in the long-term because they will prevent you from achieving your main goals and objectives.

The key is to focus-in on long-term pleasures and rewards, and move in that direction. Think about all the benefits you will derive from attaining your goals. Yes, you might need to suffer through some temporary pain to get there, but it will surely be worthwhile in the long-run.

Value Your Time

Your time is your most precious commodity. Every moment you spend must be spent with purpose on your most important tasks and activities that will yield the highest future returns.

Before deciding to work on a specific task, take time to ask yourself:

Is this the most productive use of my time?

Is this activity moving me closer to my goal?

Is this activity potentially slowing me down?

What should I choose to focus on right now?

These questions help you to create accountability for your choices and decisions. They also help you to think on your feet to ensure that you’re focusing-in on the highest value activities that will benefit you long-term.

Challenge Yourself to Break New Boundaries

To live with urgency is to challenge yourself daily. If for instance you completed a task within an allocated time the previous day, then challenge yourself by completing it faster the next time around. It’s all about stretching yourself and stretching the boundaries of what you previously believed was possible. Only in this way will you gain a deep understanding of what it takes to live with urgency.

Take Time to Slow Down

Learning how to live with urgency is not an easy process. It will take some time. Your body and brain will need to get used to working this way. In fact, you might actually experience a lot of fatigue early throughout this process. Your body will resist breaking out of old habits and patterns of doing things. It will resist the increasing tempo of your thoughts and work routine. This is okay. This is in fact natural.

You won’t train yourself to live with urgency over night, just as much as you won’t be able to train yourself to run a marathon after one session on a treadmill. This whole process takes time. You will feel tired, and you will need to give you body adequate rest and your mind adequate respite from this ferocious pace. This is perfectly okay.

If you don’t get the necessary rest, then you may very well burn yourself out and lose motivation all-together. Therefore take time to rest and get enough sleep. You don’t need to live with urgency 24/7. However, when it’s time to work, choose to work with urgency for an alloted period of time, and then break. Over time your body and mind will get stronger and you will be able to maintain that sense of urgency for longer.

It is also important to take time throughout the day to give yourself a break, settle your mind and gather your thoughts. Going a million miles an hour might feel like you’re being incredibly productive, however it might also mean that you are not being thorough enough, or that you are missing important things that need to get done. These 10 to 15 minute mental breaks will give you time to think and reflect on what you’ve done, how you’ve done it, while helping you to figure out the best path moving forward.

Things to Avoid Doing

When it comes to living with urgency, there are certain habits-of-mind that will instantly drain the motivation out of you and leave you feeling sluggish and regretful. For instance the habits of procrastination and perfectionism will bring all the momentum you have been creating to a standstill. They will instantly rob you of that sense of urgency you need to achieve your desired outcomes.

Procrastination sometimes manifests in the form of patience. You think you are being patient by waiting for the perfect moment to take action. However, that perfect moment is only an illusion. In fact, it’s manifesting in your life as a set of excuses that you are making about why you shouldn’t do something. These excuses are distracting you from your main goals and objectives, and as a result you’ve now lost all momentum and the sense of urgency you have been working so hard to maintain. You now hope that things will happen instead of making things happen. However, in the meantime all your hoping comes to nothing as you get caught up indulging in pleasurable temptations that distract you from your most important activities.

That is in essence the cycle of how a sense of urgency can literally vanish into thin air. All it takes is the temptation of indulging in one unproductive habit, and everything you’ve worked so hard to create is lost. However, this is only a small bump on the road. Expect that you will at one time or another fall into this trap. Recognize it, acknowledge it, and then get right back on track by creating a sense of urgency once more.


Say it as Obama! Develop your Charisma

The Benefits of Charisma

Charisma is a magnetic energy — a quality that expresses confidence and strength, arousing loyalty and admiration from others.

Some people are born with a natural charisma and an outgoing personality that magnetically attracts others to them. However, charisma isn’t something that you necessarily have to be born with. It is rather something that can be acquired over time. Although it is something that can only be brought to life if you take the time to develop extraordinary poise and presence when in the company of others. In fact, you must develop a reputation for being knowledgeable, interesting and passionate. Only in this way will you derive the benefits that charisma has to offer.

Charisma is an incredibly endearing quality because it will help you to win people over to your way of thinking. Likewise it will help you win promotions and also develop deep friendships because of your uncanny ability to influence people with your words, deeds and actions. As such, having a charismatic personality will open the doors of opportunity as you build trust, support and win the respect of those around you.


How to Develop Charisma

Developing charisma isn’t an easy process. It is something that will take some time and effort. However, your efforts will be well spent the moment you begin putting your charisma to action.

Here are some guidelines for developing charisma in small ways through your social interactions with others:

Listen Actively

Probably the most important skill of a charismatic individual is their ability to listen actively to what others are saying. Listening actively means that you listen with an open mind and without any judgment. Use gentle nods, paraphrasing and interjections to acknowledge that you understand the other person. Also smile genuinely while freely expressing your enthusiasm and agreement with what the other person is saying.

Having the ability to listen actively means that you’re listening and actively participating in the conversation by asking questions and continuously encouraging the other person to provide you with more information about things that they are most interested and passionate about. This process will help you to get a better understanding of the other person, while allowing you to build a strong emotional bond between the two of you.

Be Genuine in Every Way

Everything you do must be genuine. A charismatic person is always genuine in their concern for the other person. They genuinely respect the other person, and they are genuinely interested in the other person’s life, experiences, insights and circumstances. They project this energy by asking insightful and interesting questions that gets the other person talking about themselves and their problems.

Throughout the conversation the charismatic person also uses empathy to connect with others at a much deeper emotional level. Empathy helps them to fully understand what other people are thinking, feeling and going through.

Inspire Others

Walking away from their interaction with a charismatic person, people often feel more confident, excited and inspired about themselves and their future. The charismatic individual has made them feel incredibly important, while also strengthening their confidence by being supportive and understanding of their needs, wants, desires and aspirations. And all it took was some genuine interest in the other person’s life — encouraging them to talk about themselves and their passions.

Communicate with Purpose

In order to communicate with purpose, a charismatic individual must first give their full undivided attention to the other person. They do this by using good and somewhat soft eye-contact that makes the other person feel comfortable and at ease. Once a connection has been established, they will use the other person’s name during key moments throughout the conversation. This helps them to create higher levels of rapport, and helps draw the person deeper into the conversation.

While conversing the charismatic individual speaks with conviction, while purposefully varying their pitch, volume, tone and the rhythm of their voice in order to add some color to their speech. This has a tendency to keep the other person interested and transfixed on them at all times. On top of this, they project a light-hearted energy using humor as a way to make the other person feel more comfortable and relaxed in their presence.

Mirror and Match People

Mirroring and matching another person doesn’t mean mimicking the other person or copying their every movement and facial expression. What it does mean is choosing particular moments throughout the conversation where you will mirror and match how the other person stands or sits, or how they nod their head in order to create a deeper level of chemistry between the two of you.

Tell Engaging Stories

Those with incredible charisma are also engaging story-tellers. They have all these incredibly interesting stories about their lives, about their experiences, and even about the lives and experiences of others that they love to share with the people they meet. However, the charismatic individual won’t just tell these stories, they will share these stories in an engaging way that gets the other person involved physically and emotionally.

Freely Compliment People

It’s important to understand that many people work really hard behind the scenes in a variety of ways. They work hard to acquire specific kinds of knowledge, to learn new skills, to improve their appearance, etc. On the surface we don’t see all the work that goes into all these things. However, if you pay attention to the details of your conversation with them, you can easily pick up on these key areas that people put a lot of effort into. This will immediately separate you from 99 percent of the population who rarely take notice of such matters.

A charismatic individual spots these areas throughout their interactions with other people and purposefully compliments the other person while acknowledging them for their efforts. This secretly impresses and maybe even surprises the other person, while helping build deeper levels of rapport.

Project Confidence

To be charismatic is to be confident. Confidence and charisma are in some ways joined at the hipbone. You will fail miserably to be charismatic if you lack the confidence, conviction, and belief in your own abilities.

When it comes to your social interactions with others, it is absolutely paramount that you first work on developing your confidence before anything else. Charisma and shyness are certainly not joined at the hipbone. It’s also however important that you develop the necessary conviction and belief in your opinions and ideas. You’ll rarely gain the respect of others if you lack conviction.

Help People at Every Opportunity

During a typical conversation, a charismatic individual will listen intently to what the other person is saying and ask themselves the following two questions:

What does this person want or need?

How can I help them get this?

When you’re charismatic you naturally project an energy that is very nurturing and adds value to other people’s lives. It is therefore important that you see every interaction with every person you meet as an opportunity to change their lives for the better, even if it is in a very small way.

Find out what the other person really wants, what their problems are, what kind of challenges they are facing, and then figure out how you might be able to potentially help them.

Your help doesn’t need to cost you a lot of your time or energy. It could be as-small-as sharing a quote with them that you feel could help change the way they think, or it could be a recommendation about a book you’ve read, or it could just be connecting them to a friend or colleague who has had similar experiences and might be able to provide them with some guidance.

No matter what it is, help people in some small way. What might seem small to you, might in fact be huge within the context of their life.

Vary Up Your Facial Expressions

People with bland facial expressions seem boring and disinterested. However, those who have a wide variety of facial expressions that they use to punctuate their speech seem incredibly interesting and charismatic. However, it’s important that you practice these facial expressions in front of a mirror before you do it in public. Because what might seem like an interesting and friendly facial expressions to you, might very well come across as strange and very distracting.

Use a Gentle Touch

A gentle touch here and there on the other person’s shoulder or arm can help to keep them engaged and interested. Charismatic people will often touch a person on purpose during key moments of their interactions while they are making specific points. This helps them to control the conversation and make the other person feel at ease within their presence. This of course must be done with caution. Some people will not want to be touched, or will not want to be touched in certain areas. You must therefore use your discretion and get a feel for what the other person feels most comfortable with, and adjust your approach accordingly.

It’s also important that you don’t overdo the touching. Excessive touching can lead to discomfort and you will lose all the rapport you worked so hard to create.

Use Well Timed Pauses

A person who talks a million miles an hour and doesn’t even pause to take a breath is absolutely exhausting to listen to. There’s no chance of building rapport if the other person is trying to keep up with your conversation.

One way to avoid falling into this trap is to slow down your speech. However, slowing things down can lead to other problems such as boredom and frustration. If you speak more slowly than the other person, then it’s likely they will be tempted to finish your sentences. You likewise lose their respect, as well as all the rapport you have been building. There is however a middle ground.

A charismatic individual will talk at a similar pace that the other person talks at. However, they will use clever pauses throughout their conversation in order to build anticipation or add emphasis to important points. This will have a tendency to keep the other person interested and engaged within the conversation.

Qualities to Aspire to…

A charismatic individual has certain qualities that separate them from most other people. These are the qualities that help them build incredible rapport with others. However, these qualities are not mysterious in any way. They are simply qualities of someone who is genuinely interested in making a difference in other people’s lives.

A charismatic person is caring, honest, genuine, approachable, respectful, social, authentic, fair, gracious and sympathetic. On top of all this they are also very assertive, yet always seem to be at ease. When you put all these qualities together you get one well-rounded individual who is liked and respected by everyone they meet.


Things to Avoid

There’s a lot that goes into a charismatic personality. However, charisma isn’t only about what you do, but rather also about what you avoid doing that could potentially ruin your reputation as a charismatic individual.

Here are some things you should avoid at all costs if you have a strong desire to develop your charisma:

  • Don’t curse, gossip or complain. It doesn’t look good, and it certainly won’t do you any good either.
  • Don’t talk excessively about yourself. Focus the conversation instead on the other person’s passions, problems and interests.
  • Don’t attempt to please everyone. It’s impossible, and in the process you might actually end up pleasing no one.
  • Don’t offend people. Yes, you might disagree with something they have said. However, instead of offending them, challenge them to prove themselves.
  • Don’t interrupt people while they are talking. This is one of the fastest ways to lose rapport. Let them conclude their thoughts in full before you have your say.
  • Don’t be arrogant or appear superior in any way. Charismatic individuals have a knack for making people feel comfortable and at ease no matter how much their circumstances differ.
  • Don’t make excuses. Excuses show others that you do not take responsibility for your life. Nobody wants to associate with those who excuse their life away.
  • Don’t lose control of your emotions. Learn to manage all those seemingly unhelpful emotions in productive ways no matter how difficult your circumstances may be in the moment. Not losing control of your emotions during troubled times will help you gain incredible respect and admiration from those around you.
  • Don’t take everything so seriously. A charismatic individual has a playful and fun-loving nature. They will find the humor in every difficulty, which will help others feel at ease.

If some of these habits-of-mind go against your nature, then you certainly have your work cut out for you. Nobody said that developing a charismatic personality was going to be easy. You may very well need to acquire some new habits. And you may most certainly need to dump some old habits that will no longer serve you along this new path you are on. The choice is ultimately yours to make.


A Charismatic Mindset

In order to develop a charismatic personality, you might need to spend some time growing and shaping your mindset in ways that will help you to project the right kind of attitude that will allow you to be more charismatic. And in essence that is pretty much what charisma is. It’s an attitude you have about life that you continuously share with other people through your interactions.

Here are some ways you can develop a charismatic mindset:

  • Cultivate humility. Humility will help you to keep your feet on the ground no matter how much loyalty and support you garner from others.
  • Cultivate optimism. Optimism will help you to stay positive during difficult times. Others will also rely on you to help build their confidence when things don’t go their way.
  • Cultivate passion. A charismatic individual is passionate, purpose-driven and enthusiastic about life. Their passions help to inspire others to pursue their own goals and aspirations.
  • Cultivate a childlike curiosity. Curiosity will help you become more interested in other people’s lives. This will allow you to ask more insightful questions, and therefore get to know them at a deeper level.
  • Be somewhat mysterious, unpredictable and surprising. Create a sense of intrigue about your persona to keep people guessing. Make sure that people don’t quite have you figured out. In this way you will more naturally draw their attention, admiration and interest.
  • Be a fearless trailblazer. You have your own goals and vision, a sense of purpose, you’re creating your own path, and it doesn’t matter what obstacles stand in your way. You’re fearless and will therefore do whatever it takes to move forward with purpose. This will naturally inspire others to want to be more like you.
  • Have a warm personality. A warm personality is friendly and outgoing and makes you very approachable.
  • Have an abundance mentality. An abundance mentality means that there is no lack in your life. You are grateful for everything, and this gratitude brings you peace and fulfillment no matter what difficulties you might be facing.

The initial steps you take to develop charisma may very well go against your nature. It may actually be a very difficult process. However, if you commit and persist long-term you can most certainly make these changes stick. And when eventually everything does stick, a whole new world of opportunity will open up to you as you begin winning the respect and admiration of those around you

Feeling Disappointed, What to do?

Feeling Disappointed

Disappointment is an experience of feeling let down and somewhat defeated. You held high expectations that something would work out your way, but unfortunately things didn’t turn out as expected. You are now holding onto an unsatisfactory outcome and finding it difficult to deal with your unfulfilled promises and expectations.

Feeling disappointed in the short-term can actually be quite advantageous. However, wallowing in disappointment can keep you feeling stuck, can lead to doubt, despair, depression, despondency and discouragement in the long-term. This is especially true when you’ve experienced a series of disappointments over a short period of time. These disappointments are weighing heavily on your shoulders. As a result you get overrun by negative thoughts and other emotions. In fact, you might even catch yourself saying:

  • I’m just not good enough…
  • Nothing ever works out…
  • This always happens to me…

It’s very easy to get caught up in this cycle and continuously get down on yourself. However, this is never helpful, and will keep you from seeing disappointment for what it really is: A powerful emotion that will help you clarify your personal expectations and pave the way forward towards the attainment of your goals.


Overcoming Disappointment

Feeling disappointed is beneficial in many different ways. In fact, it’s just like any other painful emotion you experience. All emotions are simply guiding posts that alert you to what is happening in your external environment, while helping you make appropriate adjustments and decisions to improve your situation.

It’s not difficult to turn a little disappointment in your favor to help improve your circumstances. Here is a five step process you can use to do exactly that:

Step One

Your first step is to acknowledge your personal feelings about the situation and circumstances. If you’re disappointed, then admit it openly and honestly. Hiding your disappointment will just prevent you from moving forward. Ask yourself:

What really happened here?

What should have happened?

Why am I feeling disappointed about this?

Clarifying why exactly you’re feeling disappointed about the situation will help you to get a better understanding of your thoughts and expectations. In fact, your thoughts are the key. How you initially thought about this situation and how you eventually responded to this outcome has essentially triggered your feelings of disappointment. As such, it’s important to gain some clarity about your thought process. Ask yourself:

What was I thinking at the time when things didn’t pan-out as I had anticipated?

Was I blaming myself, others or circumstances?

Was I searching for excuses?

How have these thoughts hindered me?

If you’re caught up making excuses, complaining and not taking responsibility for the situation, then you’re just ignoring the real problem.

Step Two

It’s now time to take a closer look at the expectations you had before these events and circumstances took place. Ask yourself:

What were my expectations about these circumstances?

What were my expectations about myself?

What were my expectations of others involved in this?

As you answer these questions you might realize that maybe your expectations weren’t quite flexible or realistic enough. Continue asking yourself:

Overall, were my expectations about all these things realistic?

Maybe they were petty or inflexible?

Maybe my expectations were too narrow-minded?

Maybe my expectations were downright selfish?

When it comes to disappointment, your expectations coming into the situation will determine how you will feel after the events have taken place. Say for instance you had no expectations at the beginning of all this. As a result, it wouldn’t matter what happened. Because you had no expectations, you have no reason to be disappointed, and consequently you can see the situation for what it is and select the best path moving forward. However, if you’re currently feeling disappointed, then it’s unlikely you took this approach, and therefore you must now ask yourself one final set of questions:

Do my expectations set me up for disappointment?

How could I potentially adjust them for next time?

Just maybe there is a silver lining here…

Your unrealistic expectations are going to prevent you from learning and growing from this experience. You must understand this before moving onto the next step.

Step Three

Take time now to learn from this experience. Ask yourself:

What can I learn from this experience?

What can I learn about myself?

What can I learn about my perspective of the situation?

What can I learn about how I set expectations?

What can I learn from all this that will help me approach things differently in the future?

These questions will help you to see through the clouds — opening your eyes to new possibilities and perspectives. Maybe things aren’t how they initially seemed? Just maybe your disappointment is an illusion. Maybe it’s all a figment of your imagination?

When you begin approaching this situation from a space of empowerment rather than a space of disappointment, then you will be in a better position to think more clearly and intelligently about what exactly has transpired. As a result you can move forward through this disappointment with renewed confidence that you can make the most of any situation no matter what happens.

Step Four

You should now fully understand the situation and you should also clarity about your expectations. It’s now time for you to take a personal inventory by asking:

What skills do I have that can help me make the most of this situation?

What knowledge do I have that I might be able to use here?

What tools do I have at my disposal that could be helpful?

What support can I potentially garner from others?

What are my strengths, and how can I make the best use of them in this situation?

Answering these questions will help remind you that you are in fact very resourceful. You have everything within yourself to take full advantage of this situation to help turn disappointment into something positive and empowering. However, to move through this process successfully you may need to fine-tune your problem solving skills as-well-as your creative thinking skills. The reason for this is that your disappointment is merely a problem that you must now solve, and you will need to think creatively and maybe even critically to move through these events successfully. Ask yourself:

What’s the problem that I must solve?

What are the facts and tangible things that I will need to work through?

How could I think creatively about this to solve this problem successfully?

Always be mindful of the difference between fact and fiction. Facts are built upon concrete evidence, and fictitious things are based on your opinions, assumptions or perspectives of the situation. These things have no concrete evidence backing them up. As such, don’t use them as a basis for your decision-making moving forward.

In order to solve this problem successfully, you will need to cultivate optimism, patience, gratitude, and enthusiasm. You will need to be adaptable and flexible in your approach, and you will need to persevere up until the moment you successfully attain your desired outcome. On top of all this, find time for laughter. Laugh at your disappointments. See the humorous side of the situation. This will help relax you, and may even stimulate your creativity moving forward.

Step Five

The final step is to modify your expectations and objectives. Modifying your expectations will help you to see things more clearly and realistically. Modifying your objectives will come as a result of your adjusted expectations. Maybe you were initially reaching too high, too quickly. A modified objective will provide you with a realistic target you can work towards. Then once you hit that target you can raise the bar higher the next time around.


The Moment of Disappointment

It’s difficult to get through life without feeling disappointed at one time or another. You are human, and you will have expectations about how things should be. Expectations are great because they help you to look forward in anticipation. In fact, expectations can keep you focused and motivated. Moreover, expectations are critical when it comes to goal setting.

When you set goals you will have expectations of the types of outcomes you would like to achieve. These outcomes will of course not always come to fruition as expected, and as a result you will need to deal with the initial disappointment. However, there are certain things you can immediately do that will help you work through this disappointment in a more effective way:

Calm Yourself Down

Okay, you’re feeling incredibly disappointed. Things didn’t pan out as you had expected. As a result, it’s easy to allow this disappointment to completely overwhelm your thought process. However, if you allow this to happen, then you can’t work through this problem successfully to overcome this disappointment in the long-run.

Your first step is to calm yourself down. You can do this by focusing on the present moment. You can also step away from the situation to clear your thoughts. Alternatively you can also take a nap to allow time to help separate yourself from what just happened. You can also get a massage, step into a steam room or sauna. All of these things will help you to calm down and clear your mind. Likewise this will allow you to begin thinking about things somewhat differently, which can potentially trigger new insights and perspectives that will help you to modify things moving forward.

Distract Yourself

If calming your mind doesn’t seem to be working, then take some time to temporarily distract yourself from this disappointment by listening to music, but watching a movie, or through reading a book. These distractions will help you to settle down. Then when you’re ready, you can get back to the situation at hand with more energy and a fresh perspective. There is never any point in dealing with something if your mind loses itself by overly obsessing about the disappointment. That by itself is a clear indication that a temporary distraction is required.

Transform Your Physiology

The moment disappointment hits you, your physiology will likely change. Think for a moment about a time you were really excited about something. How did you move your body during those moments? How were you standing? Now think about a time when you were incredibly disappointed about something. I bet your body was moving somewhat differently. The difference here is very important because you will never get into a resourceful state that will help you solve potential problems if your physiology remains in a state of disappointment. You must instead immediately adjust your physiology in empowering ways that will help serve you moving forward.

To make the necessary adjustments, think about how you would use your body when excited and/or confident. Now take the time to make the necessary adjustments in your physiology to get into this excited/confident state. Within this state you will begin to think and act differently — helping you to make better decisions moving forward.

Disappointment is Clouded in Fog

Keep in mind that the feeling of disappointment might not be what you think it is. Disappointment can often result from a misunderstanding, from confusion, and is often based on your personal expectations and interpretations of the situation. Maybe you really have nothing to be disappointed about. All you need to do is shift your perspective of the situation and all of a sudden what seemed unfortunate, may in fact turn into your greatest opportunity.

Transform Your Perspective

How you perceive things must encourage you to move forward with confidence. It must help you to incorporate a solution-focused mindset that will promote “out of the box” thinking.

What if instead of feeling disappointed you shifted your perspective in the following three ways:

There’s always a silver lining… What about this situation gets me excited?

Everything happens for a reason… Why is it important that I experience this disappointment?

This could have been much worse… What specifically about this am I grateful for?

These three shifts in perspective provide you with a new path moving forward that will help you to think more clearly and intelligently about the situation. They will also prevent you from being bogged down by disappointment.

Disappointment is Only Temporary

It’s absolutely critical that in the moment of disappointment you understand that disappointment is only temporary. You did something, it didn’t work out, and now you must learn from this experience and adjust your course of action moving forward. Yes, you might very well have had many disappointments along your journey. However, all of them provide you with valuable lessons you can use to help improve your chances of success the next time around.

Don’t Admit Your Disappointment

Don’t ever admit that you’re disappointed…

This seems to contradict the fact that it’s important to admit how you feel about the situation in order to move through the process of overcoming disappointment. This is of course true, however admitting the reality of your situation can at times be unhelpful if you do nothing about it. Focusing on what you’ve lost and what you’ve failed to do or achieve, will only deflate your confidence, and will prevent you from moving forward.

Therefore if you find that you are one of those people who easily become overwhelmed by disappointment, then avoid admitting the fact that you’re disappointed at all costs, and instead shift your perspective about the situation to help move yourself forward in more productive ways.

Don’t Demand Perfection from Yourself

The reality is that no matter how hard you try, you will never be perfect. You’re human and perfection is not a part of your nature. Accept the fact that perfection is not attainable and focus instead on making progressive improvement over time. However, even with improvement, you will often take two steps forward and one step back. And that’s perfectly okay. You need to take that one step back to gain a clearer perspective and understanding of the situation moving forward. You need to learn from that experience. Therefore, don’t resist. Just go with the flow and strive for improvement over perfection.

Don’t Attempt to Control the Outcome

When it comes to sudden disappointment, sometimes the more you try and control the outcome or the circumstances within that moment, the more frustration and disappointment you will feel. There is no point trying to control things that are out of your control. It’s like trying to catch the wind with your bare hands. It’s simply impossible. Instead, give up the desire to control external events, and instead utilize the other strategies discussed within this section to help you work through your moment of disappointment successfully.


After a Disappointment

What you do moments after a disappointment are absolutely critical. How you respond to disappointment will not only affect your current situation, but will also foretell how you are likely to approach future disappointments as you continue to work towards your desired outcomes.

Here are some suggestions to help you handle disappointment effectively and intelligently:

Focus on the War, Not the Battles

Don’t get lost in being short-sighted. Thinking short-term and only seeing the disappointment in the moment will prevent you from seeing the bigger picture and the possibilities that may exist moving forward.

Your disappointment is only one battle that has temporarily sidetracked you. However, you’re still fighting the war, and there are many battles still yet to come. You will win some of these battles, and you will lose many others. No matter what happens, the battles are only part of the bigger picture. Winning the war is what counts in the end. Focus on winning the war, not the individual battles.

Look for Potential Opportunities

The moment disappointment strikes, is the moment you must become very aware and receptive to the world around you, because at that very moment you might find that the world is suddenly different. What you thought was reality, might not be reality any more. What you thought was a sure thing, might not be so sure any more. However, this isn’t a bad thing, because the moment one door closes a window opens. However, if you’re just staring at that closed door, you won’t see the open window (your opportunity).

Sometimes the open window will be out of sight, however it won’t be out of mind. You need to look for the signs and for the evidence that an opportunity exists. Get a feel for where the breeze is coming from. This will help you adjust your course of action accordingly. As long as you stay positive and receptive, then you will eventually find a way out of your disappointing situation.

Ask Questions to Gain Clarity

After a disappointment, take some time to ask yourself some thought-provoking questions that will help you to get a better understanding of the situation:

Was I clear about what I wanted?

Why was I attached to this outcome?

What did I think was going to happen?

Was I realistic about my expectations?

How will I benefit from letting this go?

Will this disappointment really matter in six months time?

Could I have done something differently?

What resources could assist me to move through this successfully?

How can I best utilize these resources?

These questions will help to lay down a path that will assist you to move forward with greater clarity and confidence. They will also hopefully help you to stay focused on the right things and allow you to build the groundwork for success in the not too distant future.

Stop worrying and start living

Are You Feeling a Little Worried?

Are you caught up in the habit of obsessively worrying about things? Sure, it happens to all of us as we preoccupy ourselves with negative thoughts about an uncertain future. Worrying helps us gain some semblance of control over the situation. Only by controlling the situation will you be able to calm yourself down and gain some needed certainty. However, this is often flawed, because most of the things you worry about aren’t within your control, and as a result you focus on a lot of negatives, and this makes you feel absolutely miserable.

When you worry you pose “what if” scenarios in your head about future consequences, such as:

  • What if I can’t do this?
  • What if things go wrong?
  • What if something happened?
  • What if… What if… What if…

It’s also possible to worry about past events and circumstances. There is of course no point in worrying about this stuff, and yet we do it anyway. For instance:

  • If only I had done this better…
  • If only I had another chance to rectify this situation…
  • If only things were different…
  • If only… if only… if only…

Worrying about the past is more about regret than it is about worry. However, it doesn’t really matter what you call it. You’re still focusing on things you don’t want, and it’s making you feel absolutely miserable.


Types of Worries

There are two types of worries that you probably indulge in regularly. The first is the legitimate kind of worry that presents a problem, and the second is an imagined kind of worry that creates problems.

Real Worries

The first kind of worry is the “real” kind of worry. This is the legitimate worry. Here you actually have something concrete to worry about. It could be an actual problem that you are confronting or feeling uncertain about.

These kind of worries are good because you’re working with a problem. And if you have a problem, then there’s also a solution that can be found to resolve that problem. At the very least you can probably gain some form of control or influence over this problem, which should successfully help you ease your worries.

Imagined Worries

The second type of worry is an imagined worry. These are the things you worry about that are unlikely to ever happen. They are based on pure speculation and not concrete evidence. On top of this, you have absolutely no control or influence over these matters.

You can’t resolve an imagined problem. It’s just not possible. However, you worry because you are uncertain, and because you are uncertain you tell yourself these incredible creative stories about what could potentially happen or go wrong — just to make yourself feel better.

Your worries make you feel better because you are predicting the future. This gives you a sense of certainty. And if things end up as predicted, then this will validate your feelings and make you feel somewhat in control of the situation. However, if on the other hand things don’t end up as you had predicted, then you will be relieved knowing that you actually had nothing to worry about in the first place.


There’s No Need to Worry

Do you often catch yourself worrying unnecessarily? If this sounds like you then the following stats might help validate your experiences with worry.

What if you knew that…

  • 40% of your worries will never actually materialize in your life.
  • 30% of your worries have already occurred and therefore there’s no point in worrying about what has already happened.
  • 12% of your worries are insignificant and won’t matter a week, month and a year from now.
  • 10% of your worries are unimportant. However, you blow them up in your imagination, unnecessarily giving them the spotlight in your life.
  • 8% of your worries will actually become reality. However, 4% of these worries will be beyond your control.

These stats are obviously rough estimates, however if you were to think about all your worries and kept a tab of them over the course of a year, I think you will find that these stats are pretty accurate.

The most important stat here is that only 8% of the important things you worry about will actually manifest in your life. Half of these things you will be able to control and do something about. While the other half will be out of your control. This obviously isn’t great news, however consider that more often than not the things you worry about are almost never as bad as you imagined them to be. Who knows, you might even find the silver lining within your worries that will help you to take advantage of the situation in a positive way.


Holding onto Worry

There are a couple of reasons why your worries are running rampant in your life. The first comes down to your belief systems, and the second is a result of a bunch of unhelpful strategies you use to cope with worry.

Limiting Beliefs

You tend to worry a lot because you give validation to a set of limiting negative beliefs you have about worrying. For instance you believe that:

  • I can’t stop worrying…
  • My worries control me…
  • Worrying is uncontrollable…

Here you are essentially giving up your power and all semblance of control to your worries. You feel as though they are controlling your life and that there’s nothing you can do about it. As a result you continue to obsessively worry about things and nothing ever seems to change.

Surprisingly, you can also have limiting positive beliefs about worrying that also lead to the same consequences:

  • Worrying prepares me…
  • Worrying motivates me…

These are proactive beliefs where you feel as though you have a little more control over your worries. However, the result is still the same. You continue to worry unnecessarily and you perpetually lie to yourself that worrying is good for you, because it provides you the edge you need to get things done.

There is of course nothing wrong with reframing worry in a positive way to help you deal with the situation more effectively. However, in such instances you’re only dealing with the symptoms and not with the cause. To eradicate worry from your life you must tackle your worries at their core, and not on the surface. Only by tackling your worries at their core will you experience lasting positive change in the long-term.

Unhelpful Coping Strategies

The second way you tend feed your worries is by using unhelpful strategies that you feel will help you to better cope with the situation. These are your coping mechanisms for worry that you’ve picked up over time and use to help you deal with relatively uncontrollable circumstances.

You might for instance deal with your worries by avoiding them, or by suppressing them. Avoidance doesn’t solve the problem you are facing, and suppression will only make you feel more miserable and stressed in the future.

Another coping strategy that you might use is to distract yourself from your worries. This is a good short-term strategy. Maybe your distractions can help you to gain a clearer perspective of the situation. However, if you continuously distract yourself from your “real” worries, then all you’re doing is avoiding the problem, and this could potentially lead to bigger problems in the future.

The final way you might find yourself coping with worry is through reasoning. You will reason with yourself that things are okay, that everything will be alright, and that there’s no need to worry. This is a fantastic way to cope with worry, as long as you’re not ignoring the problem. Denying the fact that there isn’t a problem, isn’t going to help you to move past this worry successfully in the long-run. Sooner or later things will get worse and no amount of positive thinking will help you rectify the situation.


Challenging Your Worries

Before you dig into the process of overcoming your worries, it’s important that you first gain some clarity about what it is you are actually worried about and how this might be affecting your life. This clarity will help you to challenge any limiting beliefs you might have, or change the coping strategies you might currently be using.

Limiting Beliefs

Your first step is to identify the “what if” questions you tend to ask yourself about things. These are the questions that automatically trigger your worries. Ask yourself:

What “what if” questions do I tend to ask myself?

What specifically triggers these questions?

You’re worried because you are asking the wrong kinds of questions. Instead of looking for solutions to your problem, you are creating “what if” scenarios in your head about all the things that could potentially go wrong.

Take time now to identify all the “what if” questions you ask yourself. Also pinpoint the specific events that tend to trigger these questions.

Your second step is to delve into your limiting beliefs and get a better understanding of the impact that they have on your worries. Ask yourself:

What “worries” about worrying do I have?

How are these beliefs affecting my choices and decisions?

What are the advantages of this kind of worrying?

What are the disadvantages of holding onto these beliefs in the long-term?

Worrying about something is a clear indication that you are holding onto a specific set of beliefs that are influencing how you think and respond in that particular situation. In fact, you are holding onto some of these beliefs because they are actually advantageous. They are advantageous because they provide you with a sense of control over the events and circumstances of your life. However, these beliefs often do hurt you because they don’t allow you to deal with the core reasons for your worrying — and that’s a problem.

One way to overcome your limiting beliefs about worrying is to challenge them. Here are a few examples of the questions you might want to ask yourself:

What makes me think that worrying is uncontrollable?

What makes me think that worrying is beneficial?

What is the evidence for this?

Is this evidence reliable and credible?

Is there another way I could potentially view this situation?

Is there evidence that goes against my beliefs about this?

What does all this tell me about my habit of worrying?

The more time you spend diligently questioning your limiting beliefs about worrying, the more holes you are likely to find that will help you to weaken these beliefs and therefore strengthen your commitment to proactively search for a solution to your problems.

Worries are nothing more than problems you must solve. However, you will never solve a problem if you’re caught-up uncontrollably worrying about things.

Unhelpful Coping Strategies

Now, take time to identify some of the strategies you regularly use to cope with your worries. Ask yourself:

What strategies do I use to cope with my worries?

How do I tend to avoid my worries?

How have I tried to control my worries?

Do I tend to suppress my worries? How?

Do I tend to distract myself from my worries? In what specific way?

How do I tend to reason with my worries?

How are all these coping strategies helping me?

How are all these coping strategies hurting me?

What are some other ways I could learn to better manage my worries?

Gaining clarity about the strategies you regularly use to cope with worry will provide you with some valuable feedback that you can use to help manage your worries in the future far more effectively.


In the Midst of Worry

Okay, something happened and there’s a sense of uncertainty in the air. You don’t seem to have any control and you don’t know what’s going to happen next. You’re now worried and in the midst of processing all the worst-case scenarios in your head. What to do in these first few moments of worry?

There are certain things you can do the moment you are struck with worry that will help you to respond to the circumstances in more effective ways.

Acknowledge Your Worries

It’s important that you don’t resist your worries. Your worries are natural. The future is uncertain, and you have a right to concern yourself about it.

Concerning yourself about things is important and helpful. However, worrying uncontrollably about things is not at all helpful.

Take time to acknowledge how you’re feeling in the moment. This is important. However, at the same time acknowledge that worrying about things without doing anything about them is not helpful and can actually hurt you in the long-term.

Let Things Go

If you gain some control over the events and circumstances you are worried about, then that puts you in a great position to solve your problem and overcome your worries. However, at times you might not have a lot of control over people, events or circumstances. In such instances you must let things go.

Let go emotionally of all the things you can’t change or control. These things will only weigh you down and accelerate your worries. Letting things go will provide you with greater clarity and confidence that you can get through this moment of your life successfully.

Letting things go will allow you to separate yourself from these events. Taking a step back and seeing things in a detached way could be all you need to find a better way to move forward.

Transform Your Physiology

Your physiological state is closely tied to your emotional state. This means that if you’re feeling worried, your body will likewise respond by putting you in a state of worry. Your rate of breathing will change, your muscles will tense up, and your posture will shift. This is important because it also works the other way around: Your body responds to your emotions in the same way that your emotions respond to your body.

Shift your physiology in a positive way by forcing yourself to stand up straight, to breath deeply and to relax your muscles This will automatically send a signal to your nervous system that there is nothing to be worried about. You are now suddenly in an empowered state that will help you to get through this moment in your life far more effectively than you would in a worried state.

Shift Your Perspective

To help with your physiological transformation, take time to talk more positively about your circumstances. Immediately look for solutions rather than focusing on what you’re worried about. Likewise shift your expectations about the situation. Maybe things aren’t as bad as you make them out to be? Maybe you’re exaggerating your worries and there’s really nothing to be worried about? Ask yourself:

Am I seeing the full picture here?

Do I have all the information I need to view this situation clearly?

Even if things are as bad as I make them out to be, will all this really matter in 12 months time? Will it even matter next week?

It’s not so much about finding a solution at this early stage. Instead it’s all about putting yourself in an empowered state that will help you to be more resourceful moving forward — to successfully overcome your worries.

Focus on the Present Moment

Your worries often exist in the future. However, your solutions and opportunities can only be found in the present moment. For this very reason it’s absolutely paramount that you become mindful of the present moment and focus on what you can do right now to alleviate your worries.

Distract Yourself

When worry strikes, it’s easy to become quickly overwhelmed with this emotion. This is especially true if you feel absolutely powerless to do anything about your worries. If that sounds like you, then you might need to use a little distraction to take your mind off things.

It’s important though that you distract yourself in the right way. Distracting yourself with addictions such as alcohol, overeating, and mindless television watching is never helpful. Avoid these addictions at all costs. Instead distract yourself by temporarily keeping busy with work, by taking a nap, by relaxing in the sun, by meditating, exercising and/or visualizing a perfect solution to your worries. All of these distractions will help by giving you time to be alone with your thoughts without negative consequences.

Another positive way you could distract yourself is by helping other people with something. This will not only take your mind off things, but may also provide you with an opportunity to talk with the other person about your worries. Who knows they may even provide you with the nugget of gold you are searching for that will help you alleviate all your worries.

Keep in mind that these are only temporary solutions that might be able to provide you with a little more space to think and plan a better way forward. It’s fine to do this in the short-term, however this is not a great long-term strategy because you are essentially distracting yourself from your problems. Problems don’t disappear through distraction. They disappear when you figure out how to solve them. Therefore only use distractions as a short-term band-aid to help you calm down and clarify your path moving forward

Avoid Thinking Traps

When in the midst of worrying avoid blaming yourself for what you did or failed to do. Blame isn’t going to get you anywhere. It will just make you feel sorry for yourself and even more miserable.

Avoid making conclusions or assumptions about how things are or how they should be. Instead, think intelligently about the situation and draw conclusions based on facts, not assumptions.

Finally, avoid accentuating the negatives by blowing things out of proportion and making the situation far worse than it is. At the same time avoid diminishing the positives. No matter how concerning the circumstances, there must be some positives you can take from this situation.

Cultivate Positive Qualities

There are certain qualities you can begin cultivating immediately that will take your mind off your worries. For instance gratitude will help you to come to appreciate what you currently have instead of what you could potentially lose. Optimism will help you to stay focused on finding solutions. Laughter will make you feel better and may even help you to think more clearly about your worries. Courage will help you to be more decisive to take the necessary steps to resolve whatever it is you’re worried about. And curiosity will encourage you to ask the right kinds of questions that might help you to find a better path moving forward.

Take time to cultivate as many of these positive qualities during times of worry, and you will find that you instantly become more resourceful and happy. Worrying will become an afterthought as you begin taking proactive action to resolve your situation.


Overcoming Worry

There are a wide variety of things you can begin doing today that will help you to overcome your worries in the long-term. Some of these strategies are simple and straight-forward, while others require a little imagination and initiative. What’s most important is that you experiment and try out a few things to get a better feel of how they could potentially help you overcome your worries. Start slow and build momentum over time. You’ll eventually get really good at this stuff, and at that stage, hopefully worrying will no longer be a part of your vocabulary.

Turn Worry into a Problem or Game

The moment you begin worrying about something, realize that you have a real problem on your hands. And if for some reason it’s not a problem, then it’s not real, and you therefore shouldn’t be worrying about it anyways. Your imagination is playing tricks on you and creating an imagined reality that is taking over your emotional experience. Let this go. Focus instead on what is real and tangible. Solve a problem!

Before you begin solving a problem, you must figure out what you’re working with and whether it’s worthwhile pursuing a solution. Ask yourself:

What am I worried about?

Is this a real or imagined problem?

What is the cause of this problem?

Is it something I can control and influence?

Is this problem something I can realistically solve?

If after going through these questions you’ve come to the conclusion that you are dealing with a real problem that you can realistically solve, then take time to move through a simple six step problem solving process:

  1. Identify the problem you are facing (you already did this above).
  2. Generate and brainstorm possible solutions to this problem.
  3. Evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of the solutions and pick the best one moving forward.
  4. Create a plan of action to implement the best solution.
  5. Take action to implement your plan to resolve this problem.
  6. Assess the outcome and learn from your experience to make necessary improvements for the future.

This is a very simplified version of the problem solving process, however it should provide you with enough of a platform that will help you to put a plan of action together to overcome your worries successfully.

If for instance you don’t like solving problems, then reframe what you’re worrying about and turn it into a game. You’re no longer dealing with a problem but rather playing a game. Your objective is to first learn the rules of this game, and then play to win. Winning the game will help you solve the problem and overcome your worries. Game over!

Lay Down a Path Moving Forward

Questions are the key to greater insights and clarity. Use questions to help you better understand your situation and to also build a platform to help you move forward beyond this worried state. Ask yourself:

What am I predicting will happen?

What is the evidence for and against my prediction?

What is the worst and best case scenario?

What is most likely to happen?

If the worst happened, how would I cope with it?

How helpful is it for me to worry about this?

How else could I view this situation?

Answering these questions will hopefully help you to see the situation you are worried about as it really is, and not something that you imagine it to be. They will also help you to put things into better perspective and allow you to make better and more educated decisions moving forward to help resolve your worries.

Keep a Journal

Sometimes the best way to get over your worries is to write about them in a journal.

The act of writing down your thoughts and experiences will help you to get your worries out of your head and down on paper. Once on paper you might see them in a clearer light. They will no longer be imaginings in your head, but will rather become real and tangible on paper. With greater clarity will come greater insight. You might even realize that what you have been worrying about makes absolutely no sense at all once it’s all laid out on paper in front of you.

Look After Your Health

The people who are most capable handling overwhelming emotions such as worry are the people who are the most health conscious. They are the people who take time to eat the right things, to drink enough water and get the proper amount of exercise, sleep and rest throughout the week. It’s all a balancing act, and your health is your number one priority.

Develop Your Coping Skills

Are you able to handle and manage stress, frustration, fear, overwhelm, anxiety, worry and a plethora of other emotions? If not, then you need to acquire the necessary skills to manage these emotions on a daily basis. At the very least learn more about each of these emotions or speak with other people to find out how they handle their emotions throughout the day. The insights and knowledge you gain can do wonders for your long-term emotional well-being.

Build a Support Network

Your support network is made up of people who can be there for you when you need them most. These are the people who will help ease your worries while providing you with a shoulder to lean on and someone to talk to at your greatest time of need.

Your support network could include family members, friends or colleagues. It could even be an online support network or a community meet-up group. No matter what it is, or where it is, it’s important that you always have people you can talk to during times of greatest uncertainty and worry.

Postpone Your Worrying

If all else fails, and you just can’t help yourself but worry about things, then at least don’t allow your worries to affect other people or other areas of your life.

In such instances take out your calendar and pick a time, a place, and a date that you allocate for all your worrying. Yes, actually schedule a time in your diary for worrying. However, make sure that you schedule it as an appointment with yourself that has a start and end time.

Once the appointment is over and done with, just move on with your life and forget about those worries. Hopefully by that stage you will have gotten over things and worrying becomes a non-issue. However, if you’re still hung-up about worrying, then make yet another appointment with yourself to do more worrying at a future date and time. As long as you keep your worries from affecting other areas of your life, then you are successfully minimizing the harm and the impact your worries could have on your future decisions and actions.

For More Self Confidence and More Self-Esteem

Are You Suffering from Low Self-Esteem?

Are you lacking the self-confidence and self-belief you need to make your own way in this world? Is this destroying your spirit and preventing you from moving forward in the way you had once imagined?

There are many people who suffer through periods of low self-esteem, and often for many different reasons. If you are one of these people, then you probably recognize the fact that you tend to judge and/or evaluate yourself negatively. Moreover, you probably have a low personal value and opinion of yourself, or maybe a low appraisal and evaluation of your self-worth. In fact, low self-esteem might be making you feel somewhat useless, inferior, inadequate, incomplete and worthless. This is certainly no way to live.


Symptoms and Habits of Low Self-Esteem

There are many symptoms and habits of low self-esteem. However, taken in isolation, these symptoms certainly do not indicate that you have self-esteem issues. Red flags should only be raised when several symptoms come bundled together and begin taking over your life.

Here is a list of the symptoms of low self-esteem you should look out for:

  • Constantly striving for perfection.
  • Having low or biased expectations of yourself.
  • A tendency to exaggerate your problems.
  • The habit of accentuating the negatives.
  • Underestimating your personal ability.
  • Ignoring the positives and potential opportunities.
  • Being riddled with self-doubt.
  • Constantly blaming and criticizing yourself.
  • Lack of self-confidence in your ability to get things done.
  • Inability to accept compliments.
  • Unable to concentrate because of a lack of energy, which often results from inadequate sleep patterns.
  • Hesitant and tense physiological movements.
  • A tendency to avoid people and social situations in an attempt to steer clear of judgment, criticism, and the evaluations that other people might make about you.
  • Often experiencing the emotions of loneliness, guilt, frustration, dejection, hopelessness, anxiety, anger, shame, worry, sadness and depression.

Experiencing one or more of these emotions from time-to-time isn’t a clear indication that you have self-esteem issues. However, if you tend to cycle through many of these emotions throughout your week, then it’s a clear indication that something is not right and that low self-esteem could be the underlying problem.


How is Low Self-Esteem Maintained?

It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly how every individual maintains low levels of self-esteem, however there are certain factors that come into play that can often lead you down the self-esteem spiral.

For starters, indulging in any of the low self-esteem habits discussed above will tend to keep you within a very poor state-of-mind that naturally positions you on the low end of the emotional spectrum. In fact, the more of these symptoms you have, the more you will struggle with your emotions.

In addition to these symptoms and habits, low self-esteem is often maintained because you have very restrictive personal assumptions and rules. What this means is that you make certain assumptions about things in a very negative way that provides you limited options moving forward. You also have a tendency to see the worst in every situation, which gives you very little hope for the future. On top of this, your rules and personal standards are very restrictive. You don’t expect much of yourself and as a result you tend to stay constricted within the confines of your comfort zone and never take the necessary risks to break out of emotional slumps.

Your restrictive rules for living your life are often built upon poor language choices that provide you with very little options moving forward. For instance, you often use words such as:

  • If I don’t… then…
  • I should never…
  • I must… or else…
  • I can’t…
  • I should do this… but…

The words and phrases you use provide insight into the rules that tend to govern your life, decisions and actions. And it’s these rules that continue to drain your self-esteem.

You also tend to aggravate your self-esteem by making negative self-evaluations. Your evaluations are so poor and limiting that you are left with no hope for the future, and no hope of improving your current circumstances. You have a tendency to do this because it helps “ground” you and gives you a sense of control.


The Evolution of Self-Esteem

Self-esteem encompasses your personal attitudes, beliefs, emotions, biased self-opinions and expectations, as-well-as your behaviors, decisions and actions. It also encapsulates the unhelpful assumptions you tend to make, the rules you live by, and the negative self-evaluations that tend to rob you of any hope for the future. All of these factors that go into building or destroying your self-esteem have manifested in your life over time and are built upon certain events that have influenced your emotional growth over the years.

Low self-esteem often stems from negative life influences and/or experiences you have had over the course of many years going right back to early childhood. Your family, friends, peers, teachers, role models and society, all played an important part in the development of your self-esteem as you were growing up. They showed and taught you — directly and indirectly — how to best handle your emotions during difficult times, how to overcome obstacles, how to interpret the events and circumstances in your life, etc. Some of these lessons were helpful, however, if you’re experiencing low self-esteem at the moment, then it’s likely that other lessons you learned over this period were quite unhelpful, and now you have a set of ineffective emotional coping skills that are restricting you in a variety of ways.

There might have been significant moments of your life that left very deep emotional and psychological scars. For instance, prolonged illness, neglect, abuse, hardship and punishment can leave a lasting impression on your mind. And it is these things that are currently influencing how you process and interpret the world around you. You might have for instance found it very difficult to fit-in socially at school and/or at home while growing up. This has left a very deep emotional scar that you tend to hold onto in the present moment — directly affecting your levels of self-esteem.

Other reasons why you might be suffering from low self-esteem today could be because of a lack of attention, encouragement, warmth, praise or affection you received as a child. Maybe you simply failed to live up to other people’s expectations of you. Maybe they had very high personal standards and limiting rules that you found very difficult to live up to. This entire experience while growing up has made you feel somewhat incapable, incompetent, worthless, inadequate, inferior and useless. You have no self-belief and very low expectations of yourself and your ability.

Your low self-esteem can also be attributed to the observations you made as a child. As a child you would observe adults going about their daily lives. These adults experienced hardships, setbacks, and personal problems. How they dealt with these challenges was important, because the habits, behaviors and emotions they displayed during these moments has left a lasting impression on your mind. These adult mentors taught you how to handle life’s difficulties and how to cope with your emotions indirectly. And today, you are doing what you know — what you’ve been taught — for better or worse.

All this goes to show that your low levels of self-esteem aren’t entirely of your own making. In fact, you learned and picked up certain ways of doing things and responding to situations from other people. Your current levels of self-esteem and the coping mechanisms you use to work through your personal challenges are a result of many years of conditioning that you went through while growing up. But even though you might not be responsible for this conditioning, you are however responsible for your own life today. And if something is not working for you, then you must take responsibility for changing things for the better and reconditioning your mind in a more positive and empowering way that will help you to live the life you desire to create for yourself.


Improve Self-Esteem

There are certain things you can do that will naturally help you raise your self-esteem throughout the day. Many of these suggestions are very straightforward and simple to implement, while other suggestions might take a little more time and effort. Either way, there is no miracle cure here. You will need to commit and dedicate yourself to adopting new habits, behaviors and ways of thinking and doing things in order to reap the rewards in the long-run.

Take Care Emotionally

Raising your self-esteem begins with your emotional health. Your emotions are the foundational keys to your well-being and provide you with the stability you need to get through difficult moments of your life successfully. When you’re in control of your emotions, you will be much more capable of handling the challenges that life throws your way. However, this requires you focus on developing your emotional coping skills to prepare yourself for these difficult moments of your life.

It’s important you prepare yourself by learning how to manage stress, anxiety, fear, frustration, guilt, anger and worry in more effective and productive ways. These are emotions you are likely to confront throughout your day. These emotions can either control you, or you can learn to manage them in ways that will help empower and strengthen you during difficult moments of your life.

Developing these important emotional coping skills will likewise help you to take charge of your thoughts, behaviors and the decisions you make. This will provide you with more certainty and confidence moving forward, and as a result it will help raise your levels of self-esteem.

Take Credit for Your Successes

This is a very simple idea, however it can have a profoundly positive impact on raising your levels of self-esteem.

When you deflect credit for your successes, you are denying yourself the opportunity to gain something of value from the experience. And because there is no psychological reward, there is no emotional gratification, and this will have a tendency to keep you in a weak state-of-mind that provides you with no avenue for further emotional growth and development.

The moment you begin taking credit for your accomplishments, a whole new world of possibilities opens up for you. For starters you begin developing higher levels of self-belief and self-confidence. This has a tendency to improve your ability to make decisions, and the better decisions you make, the more confidence and self-belief you will have. Likewise, taking credit for your accomplishments will focus your mind on what’s working and on all the positive aspects of your accomplishments. Normally you might only spot the negatives, and this would only leave you feeling discouraged and unhappy.

Therefore, take credit for your successes, own them, and embrace your accomplishments. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Use it to build ongoing momentum that can help you to permanently raise your levels of self-esteem.

Focus on Solutions

Whenever things don’t go as expected and you’re tempted to get down on yourself, immediately switch on your solution-focused mindset. First, recognize the positives of the situation, and then look for ways you can make things better to improve your circumstances. Of course solutions might not always be immediately evident, however with a curious mind, and a desire to ask the right kinds of solution-focused questions, you will eventually find the answers you are after.

Of course, if you’re suffering from low self-esteem, it’s easy to exaggerate the negatives and minimize the positives of your situation. It’s also easy to underestimate your own ability, to doubt and criticize yourself, and to ignore the opportunities that may be present. On the other hand it’s difficult to see things in a positive light. In such instances, you might like to focus on reframing your circumstances in a different way, or simply asking someone else for their unique point-of-view or perspective. Other people might often see things very differently, and you can use their view of the situation to build the confidence you need to move forward in a positive way.

Here are some questions you might like to ask yourself that will help you shift your perspective about the situation:

What conclusions and/or assumptions am I making about this situation?

How am I exaggerating the negatives?

How am I minimizing the positives?

How else could I view this? How else could I think about this?

How could I view this situation in a more positive and empowering way?

How would another person view this situation? What would they tell me? Who could I ask?

What are the potential opportunities here?

What is there to feel good about and grateful for?

What positive action could I take right now to help me work through this successfully?

By focusing on what you want, as-well-as on potential solutions and opportunities, you are putting yourself in a primary position to find the answers you need that will help you move forward in a positive way.

Avoid Limiting Language

Raising your self-esteem requires you consciously take charge of your language. This includes your verbal language as well as your self-talk or the thoughts you tend to indulge in that make you feel absolutely miserable.

Focus on talking to yourself in a more positive and encouraging way. Yes, you might not have all the answers, or the confidence you need to get your desired outcome, just yet. The answers and confidence will come over time, however what’s most important here, is that you get yourself into a positive frame-of-mind. Do this by focusing on your strengths, on your positive qualities, and on the things that you are able to control and/or influence in the moment. Once you feel that you have some form of control over your circumstances, this will give you the confidence you need to move forward in a more positive way.

Create or Join a Support Network

There are many groups and support networks out there — both online and offline — with like-minded individuals who are going through the same challenges you are attempting to work through. They are there to support you, and you can be there to support them. Sometimes just by sharing your story and experience with a group of supportive individuals will help you find the confidence you need within yourself to move through difficult moments of your life.

Alternatively, you could join a sports team. Even if you’re not a sporty person, just getting involved in sporting activities can do wonders for your self-esteem. Sport provides a competitive, yet very supportive environment that can help build the foundations for your growth and development on a physical and emotional level.

Update Your Knowledge and Skills

Often a lack of self-belief is a clear indication that you simply don’t have the necessary skills, knowledge or experience required to excel in a certain area. For this very reason it’s important that you actually take the time to assess what kind of knowledge, skills or experience you might need moving forward that will help you improve your confidence within specific areas of your life. Ask yourself:

Where do I want to feel a little more confident?

What kind of knowledge might I need in this area of my life?

What types of skills might I need to develop?

What kind of experience might I need to gain?

How will I acquire this knowledge, learn the skills, and gain the necessary experience?

What small steps could I take daily that will help me move forward confidently in this area of my life?

Raising your self-esteem will take time, and it will take gradual daily steps. For this very reason it’s important you commit yourself to taking a long-term view of your journey. Your short-term results might be inconsistent, however if you remain focused on the bigger picture you will find the motivation you need to persevere through the short-term pain.

Spend Time Pampering Yourself

Take time for yourself. Take time to relax, to play, and to pamper yourself. Maybe you could get a massage, go to a spa, relax in a steam room, or enjoy a nice warm bath. Not only will these moments give you time to relax, but they will also provide you with an opportunity to reflect and gain some perspective about your life’s choices, decisions and actions. When you’re relaxed you will tend to think differently about circumstances, and this could potentially help you gain the perspective and confidence you need to make better decisions moving forward.

Creativity, Confidence and Passion

It is very possible that the reason why you are suffering from low self-esteem is simply because you are focusing on the wrong things. Maybe all you need is to tune-in to your passions and your life’s purpose. Maybe you simply need to tap into your talents and strengths. Or just maybe you need to focus on activities you are good at and enjoy partaking in.

Take time to have a think about some of the things you are passionate about. Have a think about the activities you enjoy, and consider your talents, strengths and your core values. Within these areas you will find the answers you need to build your life with purpose. Also, within these areas is where you will find your creative spirit.

Once you’re there, living with purpose, you will find the confidence within yourself to do things that otherwise seemed very difficult and problematic. You will finally have the self-esteem you need to make those tough decisions and to take the chances that will help you improve your life for the better.

Set Inspiring Goals

To live with purpose, you need to set inspiring goals that keep you motivated and excited. Ask yourself:

What’s something that inspires and motivates me to get out of bed in the morning?

How could I turn this passion into a concrete goal?

How will I go about pursuing this goal?

As you work towards your goal, keep track of your progress and thoughts within a journal. The act of putting your thoughts and problems down on paper will help you to more effectively work through any emotional challenges you might face along the way. In fact, use it as a tool for self-improvement and self-reflection.

Over time you will make progress, however it’s sometimes difficult to recognize this progress. This is where your journal comes in handy. Every week take some time to read over your thoughts, and reflect upon the progress you’ve made and the lessons you’ve learned along the way. This by itself could provide you with the boost you need to raise your levels of self-esteem moving forward.

Make Better Decisions

Raising your self-esteem essentially comes down to making better choices throughout the day. Instead of choosing to accentuate the negatives, you choose instead to focus on the positives. Instead of exaggerating your problems, you choose instead to look for solutions. It all comes down to the choices you make.

To improve your choices, take time to evaluate your behavior, thoughts and the emotions you tend to experience on a daily basis. Keep track of these things within your journal and periodically assess how your behaviors, thoughts and emotions are influencing the choices and decisions you make. The insights you gain from this exercise could help you make better choices in the future. And the better choices you make, the higher the levels of self-esteem you are likely to experience.

Be calm, even under pressure!

A State of Calmness

There’s a lot going on in this world. In fact, there’s probably a lot going on in your life at the moment. So much to do, so little time, and just too much uncertainty. You probably feel as though you are constantly fighting against the odds while trying to make your way in this world.

As you work through your problems you need to fight through stress, anxiety, fear, anger, frustration, overwhelm and a plethora of other emotions. These emotions leave you in a frantic state, which negatively effects your health and hurts your ability to make good decisions.

The one certainty about life is that it will put you under intense pressure situation — forcing you to make tough decisions that will either hurt or hinder your progress. And when emotions get the better of you, you will most likely fail to capitalize on your greatest opportunities moving forward. In fact, your ability to stay calm under pressure could be the difference between the success you desire to create in your life, and complete and utter failure.

The Benefits of Staying Calm

Developing the ability to stay calm under pressure situations means that you are less likely to suffer from the effects of stress, anxiety and worry. Your calm approach will also lead to better health and higher levels of productivity. It will provide you with a sense of control over the events and circumstances of your life, and most certainly a better sense of control over yourself, your thoughts and emotions. On top of this, staying calm under pressure will help improve your ability to focus on the right things, at the right time, and in the right way. It will allow you to better communicate your needs to other people, and help you make more effective, intelligent and emotional-free decisions.

The Qualities of Calmness

In order to reap the rewards that a state of calmness can bring into your life, you will need to become more mindful. Being more mindful means being more centered and focused on the moment. It means letting go of past regrets. It means redirecting your mind away from current stresses, and it also means refocusing yourself away from future worries. It’s all about being present — being present in the moment — because it’s in the moment where you will find the answers you need that will help you solve your life’s problems.

A state of calmness also requires patience. Sometimes you need a little patience and time to understand the events and circumstances of your life. Sometimes you need patience to gain a deeper insight into your predicament. And the only way you will find true and unadulterated patience is through a state of calmness.

Likewise, calmness also requires optimism and faith. You need optimism to help you find the motivation you need to journey into the thick dark fog of your problems. And you need faith to help you find your way when you lose yourself within the turmoil of your emotions. Optimism will help you find the desire you need to move forward, and faith will provide you with the courage you need to persist through the obstacles that stand in your way.


Self-Analysis Questions

Before moving along, it’s important you gain some clarity about how you typically respond to pressure situations and the resulting impact that this has on your life. Ask yourself:

What things cause me to lose my cool?

What specific people or circumstances cause me to succumb to pressure?

How do these triggers affect me on an emotional and physical level?

How do I typically respond during these pressure situations?

Why do I respond in this way?

Does responding in this way hurt me? How?

Does responding in this way help me? How?

Answering these questions honestly and thoroughly will hopefully provide you with a deeper insight into your patterns of behavior. Use these insights to help you make better choices moving forward.


When Under Pressure Situations

As you go about your day, there will be moments when you will face pressure situations. Something unexpected might happen, your emotions will spin out of control, and it will momentarily seem as though the entire weight of the world has fallen atop your shoulders. It’s moments like these that a steady hand and calm mind are of utmost important. In fact, the decision you make at this very moment could either help you improve the situation or might very well make things much worse then they already are.

In order to make the right decision you will need to stay calm, centered and focused on the right things and in the right way. Here are some suggestions:

Immediately Remove Yourself from the Situation

When under pressure, take time to immediately remove yourself from the situation temporarily. It’s during moments like these that you need time and space to think and consider the possibilities moving forward.

Having removed yourself physically and emotionally from the situation, take time now to clarify why you’re feeling pressured. Ask yourself:

Why am I suddenly feeling pressured?

What has triggered my feelings?

What has ruffled my emotions?

Has something outside of me triggered my emotions?

Am I seeing things clearly?

Am I interpreting the situation correctly?

Is it possible that my perspective of this situation has triggered my emotions?

Sometimes the things that trigger your emotions are phantoms. You’re feeling pressured, but the pressure isn’t coming from an external force, but rather from within — from inside you. You are in fact creating the emotional pressures within yourself, and this is causing you to feel pressure externally. This is an illusion. It’s a trick your mind is playing on you. It’s important you recognize this, because changing things might only require a simple shift of perspective on your part.

Your next task is to clarify your desired outcome. Ask yourself:

What do I want to gain from this situation?

What is my desired outcome?

What’s preventing me from having what I want? Why?

It’s important to gain clarity about what it is you want, because unless you a clear about what you want, you will fail to make the right decisions that will help you move through this pressure situation successfully. Moreover, gaining clarity about your desired outcome will help you filter out unnecessary and irrelevant factors. It will allow you to re-prioritize the things you need to focus on to help you get through this difficult emotional experience. Ask yourself:

What’s not important or relevant here?

What’s most important here? Why?

Where must I begin to successfully get through this pressure situation?

Prioritizing things accordingly helps you to focus on the most important and relevant factors that will allow you to move through this pressure situation successfully. In fact, the moment you pinpoint these critical areas, is the moment you can begin working your way through this situation in a more intelligent and calming manner. No longer should the circumstances of the situation phase you. Instead, you should now be in full control of your emotional responses, and can now calmly and sensibly work through your problems.

If after going through these sets of questions you are still finding your emotions overwhelming and difficult to deal with, then consider the lighter-side of the situation. Ask yourself:

What’s funny about this?

Hopefully the answer to this question will help shift your perspective about your circumstances. It might even help you relax and calm yourself down. And that might be all you need to move through this situation successfully.

Always be Attentive

During pressure situations, it’s absolutely paramount that you pay attention to the details. It’s within the details that you will find the answers and the opportunities you need to help move yourself forward.

When a pressure situation presents itself, it’s natural to immediately become overwhelmed by the circumstances. And because you’re overwhelmed, you naturally bundle all your concerns and problems into one big messy pile of puzzle pieces in your head. There is no separation between things. Everything becomes one thing, and this is what overwhelms you.

The better way to handle yourself is to pay attention to the details. Be attentive to the little things, to your behavior, to other people’s behavior, to the circumstances and all the external things going on around you. The more attentive you are, the more you will pick-up. And as a result you will no longer bundle everything into one big uncontrollable problem, instead you will see things as individual pieces that are part of the larger puzzle that you now need to figure out how to solve.

Use Empowering Language

The mindset you bring into pressure situation is absolutely critical. Part of this mindset is the language you use to talk to yourself during these difficult emotional moments. Your language can either help you calm yourself down, or it can lead you down the path of overwhelm and panic. For instance, saying:

  • I can handle this…
  • I am in control…
  • I am calm…
  • I am focused…

This type of language will make you feel centered, calm and in control of yourself and your emotions. And because you’re in control of your emotional responses, you will now be able to make better decisions moving forward that will help you to work through this pressure situation far more effectively.

Ask Calming Questions

Another aspect of empowering language is the process of asking the right kinds of questions that will help you to stay calm, centered and focused on the right things. For instance, during pressure situations try asking yourself:

What’s good about this?

What are the benefits of staying calm?

How will a calm mind help me work through this situation successfully?

These types of questions will help you maintain control of your emotions. They will also help you to redirect your emotions in a more positive and helpful way.

Avoid Unhelpful Thinking Habits

The language you use and the questions you ask yourself translate into the thoughts you indulge-in during pressure situations. These thoughts can either be empowering and helpful, or they can be limiting and unhelpful.

Examples of unhelpful thoughts include blaming yourself, blaming other people, or blaming your circumstances. Unhelpful thoughts can also include over-analyzing the situation and getting lost in too many details; magnifying the negatives of the situation; and/or over-dramatizing events and circumstances in unhelpful ways. All of these methods of thinking about your situation are not helpful. In fact, thinking this way will make you feel absolutely miserable and will prevent you from moving forward in a calm and controlled fashion.

Instead, focus on things you can control. And that control comes from within yourself. You can control the language you use and the questions you ask yourself. Once you have these things under your control, you will likewise gain control over your emotional responses and thoughts. And this will naturally lead to a greater sense of calmness and emotional stability, which is exactly what you need to help you get through this pressure situation successfully.

Consider Seeking Support

When you are facing a pressure situation, you are left with two choices. You can either try and work through the situation by yourself, or you can seek the support of people who have had experience in this area and will therefore be able to help you work through this successfully.

If you try and work through the situation by yourself, you may make mistakes and may hit roadblocks that could potentially derail your efforts temporarily. However, if you take the time to speak with someone who has gone through something similar, they may very well provide you with the guidance you need to help you move through this situation successfully. Moreover, their support may provide you with the confidence you need to stay centered, calm and relaxed moving through this difficult moment of your life.


Find Ways to Relax

In order to handle pressure situations far more effectively, you will need to become a more relaxed and calm individual. Calmness is of course a state-of-mind, however in order to get to that state-of-mind you will need to adopt some new habits, behaviors and potentially shake up your routine a little to allow time for more relaxation and periods of self-reflection.

Here are some suggestions to help you find ways to relax and reflect more throughout the day:

Build a Calming Environment

Calmness of course begins from within, on a psychological level. However, it’s difficult to maintain an inner sense of calmness if your environment is frantic, chaotic and disorganized. As such, it’s important to build an environment that will make it easier for you to maintain a calm mental state-of-mind.

Building a relaxing and nurturing working environment depends entirely on what specifically makes you feel comfortable and relaxed. You might like to install some colored lights, play peaceful music, use tranquil nature sounds, stimulate the senses with aromatherapy, or maybe even use a well placed fountain or some candles to help bring a warm, peaceful and friendly energy into the room. The choice is completely yours to make.

Build a Calming Daily Routine

There may very well be moments of your day that are frantic and hectic. These moments are simply a part of your working life, and it can certainly be difficult to work around them. Don’t resist these moments. Let them be. It sometimes might not be possible to change part of your routine or schedule, however what’s important is that you balance your routine and make time for yourself, for relaxation and for self-reflection. You can do this by taking nature walks in the local park. You can also do this by taking a warm bath at the end of the day, or maybe a massage during the middle of the day can help extinguish stress, anxiety and worry from your body.

Consider also taking time to nourish your spirit throughout the day with prayer, meditation, Yoga, Tai Chi and other practices that will help you keep your emotions calm, relaxed and centered. It doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as for short periods of time throughout your day you can find the time to unwind a little to help you gain some perspective about your life and circumstances.

Use the Power of Visualization

Visualization is a fantastic method for grounding yourself during times of intense emotional turmoil and uncertainty.

Find a quiet place without distractions where you can lie down or at the very least sit down comfortably. If that’s not possible, then sit where you are or lie down on the floor while listening to tranquil music. Initially allow your mind to wander and just find its place in the moment. However, after a few minutes take control of the images forming in your imagination and imagine a tranquil place — a sanctuary of sorts that you can escape to. This is a place filled with all the things that make you feel comfortable, at peace and relaxed.

Spend five to ten minutes at a time exploring this place, relaxing within this imaginary world, and allowing all your stresses and worries to melt away. In fact, use the time you have within this sanctuary to think about your life, circumstances and problems. Just maybe within this place you will find the necessary perspective and the answers you need to help you get through the pressures of life.

Later, whenever you feel stressed or overwhelmed, take some time to come back to this place to help ground yourself during moments of uncertainty.

Learn About Breath Control

While visualizing and/or meditating, it’s important that you breathe correctly in ways that will help you to relax and center yourself emotionally. Deep diaphragmatic breathing is one method used that can help you maintain your composure and relax your body.

Diaphragmatic breathing requires that you breathe-in through your diaphragm for four seconds, then hold your breath for another four seconds, and then breathe out for the final four seconds, and then begin again. Doing this for up to five minutes at a time can help you feel more centered and relaxed. With more emotional composure, you will find the strength you need to move through your problems successfully.

Use the Power of Metaphors

Metaphors are absolutely wonderful tools you can use to help gain proper perspective about the problems and circumstances confronting your reality. Use them to help you see your problems in a different light. Or use them to find more strength and comfort in the moment.

Metaphors will provide you with a different view of yourself and your circumstances. This shift of perspective might be all you need to stay relaxed, calm and composed during pressure situations.

For instance, your natural tendency and instinct might be to panic a little when you’re suddenly confronted with an unexpected problem. During such instances you will most likely blow the problem out of proportion, which will have a tendency to overwhelm you senses, while also causing you emotional distress. Instead of picturing your problem as this gigantic mountain that you now must climb, imagine it instead as a tiny ant. See it as a tiny little ant walking beneath your feet, and ask yourself:

What if my problem was a tiny little ant?

How would I solve this problem?

What specific approach would I take?

The benefit of looking at your problem in this way is that you are no longer seeing it as this big dragon that you must slay. Instead you are imagining it as something small — as something you can easily control and influence. This will have a tendency to calm your mind, while helping you gain the proper perspective you need to solve this problem.

Another metaphor you could use is to imagine your problem as mouldable clay. Here your problem is no longer this stiff titanium wall that’s standing between you and your desired outcome. Instead, it’s something you can mold and reshape to your heart’s content. Ask yourself:

What if my problem was mouldable clay?

How would I potentially shape this problem?

How could I mold this problem to my advantage?

Within the previous couple of examples you were using metaphors on your problems, however imagine you could now also use metaphors on yourself.

For instance, imagine yourself as water. Or imagine yourself as a souring bird. Or imagine yourself as gentle clouds rolling across the sky. Ask yourself:

How would I approach this problem if I was liquid water?

What new perspectives could I gain if I was a souring eagle?

What if I approached this problem from the perspective of a gentle rolling cloud?

These metaphors will certainly not always provide you with instant answers. They do require some thought and contemplation. Answers and new perspectives will come the more life you give to each of the metaphors you use. What’s most important is that you use them to help separate yourself from the problem in order to gain some new and unique insights and perspectives that will help you to move forward in a more positive way.

Build Your Emotional Coping Skills

Building your emotional coping skills means you are learning to manage to proactively handle your emotional responses. This often begins with developing a deeper understanding of the meaning of each of your emotions, and of your emotional tendencies.

Succeeding here means that you will no longer be at the mercy of your emotions. You will instead be in control of your emotional destiny. No longer will life’s pressure situations or problems overwhelm you because you have finally become a fully aware and present individual who understands and appreciates the value that every emotion has to offer.

Building your emotional coping skills will of course take some time and effort. However, everything worthwhile takes time. It is after all only within each experience that you will find the lessons you need to help build your emotional intelligence.


Long-term Lifestyle Changes

In order to become a more serene, calm and peaceful person in the long-run, it’s important that you make some long-term lifestyle changes that will provide you with the ability to more readily control your emotional responses. However, it’s not only about lifestyle, it’s also about the mindset you bring into every moment of your life. In fact, both lifestyle and mindset go hand-in-hand and work together to help you stay calm under pressure.

Here are some suggestions to help you stay calm under pressure for the long-term:

Get Good Quality Sleep and Exercise

Good quality sleep and exercise is absolutely paramount. Getting good quality sleep will help you become much more emotionally resilient. Likewise, regular exercise will provide you with the energy you need to consciously and physically work through difficulties far more effectively.

When you’re well rested and when your body is feeling fit, you will naturally have a more calming energy about you. It will be much easier for you to stay relaxed during uncertain times and difficult moments. You will find yourself feeling more centered, focused and in control. This will provide you with the clarity of mind you need to work through emotional issues far more successfully.

Eat a Well Balanced Diet

Moving on from the previous point, it’s also very important to eat well. Eating a well balanced and healthy diet, keeping yourself hydrated with water throughout the day, and avoiding the habit of indulging in addictions will help you to manage your emotions, and your responses to the events and circumstances of your life far more effectively.

In particular avoid drugs, alcohol, sugar and caffeine addictions. These addictions will put you on edge, making it very difficult to stay calm and centered throughout the day.

Spend Time Simplifying Your Life

It’s difficult to stay calm and centered when you’re living in a complicated mess. When there’s too much clutter, when you’re constantly trying to find things, when you have too many commitments and responsibilities — far more then you can handle — that is when things become very messy. This is a clear indication that your life is far too complicated. It’s very difficult to find calmness from within if you live in a hectic and complex world.

Commit yourself today to the process of simplifying your life and environment. For instance, take time to organize yourself and your things. Make sure to find a place for everything, and put everything in its place. Be sure to de-clutter your environment, to eliminate all non-essential things, or simply pack them away out of sight and out of mind.

It’s also important to avoid living a frantic lifestyle. Having too many commitments and responsibilities doesn’t give you enough time for yourself and your own emotional needs. What you need is space, and a clean uncluttered environment to help you unwind, relax, and calm down. This is the sort of environment that will encourage moments of self-reflection that you can use to help improve your decisions moving forward.

Physically Slow Down

Living at a frantic pace can work quite well for some people. In fact, there are people who thrive on urgency, while still maintaining a calm and centered energy. However, this kind of lifestyle isn’t for everyone because it can lead to high levels of stress and anxiety.

If you typically suffer from stress and anxiety throughout your day, then it’s a clear indication that you are living too frantically. There’s just too much going on in your life, and at the moment you’re just unable to handle yourself or your circumstances. In such instances it’s important to begin slowing things down. This of course isn’t easy. There’s just so much to do and so little time. However, what you must do is re-prioritize things in order to help create the space and time you need to slow down.

Slowing down doesn’t necessarily mean that you do everything more slowly. It does however mean that you do things more consciously. Therefore instead of rushing through a task, think through the task and take a little time to consider how to best work through this task in the most effective and time-efficient way.

Slowing down also means finding time for periods of relaxation. It means taking regular thought-breaks. Thought-breaks are times throughout the day when you take several minutes to separate yourself from your tasks and activities to just sit down and think about your decisions and actions. These moments of self-reflection could very well provide you with some interesting insights that will help you work much more productively moving forward.

Consistently Build Your Support Network

During moments of great emotional upheaval, it’s important to have people whom you can talk to and reach out to. These people are part of your support network. They are there to assist you during difficult moments of your life, and you are also there to assist them through their emotional and physical struggles.

Take some time now to consider the kind of people that could add value to your life. Also consider the people you could readily assist and support. Jot down the names of all these individuals and commit yourself to regularly staying in touch with them. You could even create an emotional Mastermind group. This is where you invite like-minded individuals to a get-together once a week or month where you discuss problems, concerns and other emotional struggles.

Your support network will provide you with an anchor you can use during difficult emotional moments of your life. They will instill within you the calmness you need when there are emotional storms brewing around you.

Prepare for Difficulties in Advance

One of the best ways to stay calm, focused and centered at all times, is to prepare for seemingly unexpected setbacks, difficulties and problems in advance. Of course you might be thinking that if something is unexpected, then there’s absolutely no way to prepare for it. Therefore let’s look at it another way: Taking time to think about and preparing for possible future scenarios brings them from the realm of the “unknown” into your conscious awareness. Therefore, what was unexpected before, is now something you are ready to tackle in the moment or in the future.

When you have full and complete awareness about what you are going to do in the next moment when things change, you will naturally be more calm, collected and emotionally centered. It’s often those unexpected moments when events and circumstances catch you by surprise that lead to emotional upheaval and overwhelm. However, given the fact that you are now prepared for the possibilities, you will therefore be in a much more favorable position to stay calm and collected during these difficult moments of your life.

Think Through Your Decisions in Advance

Moving on from the previous point, it’s also important that you reflect upon the consequences of your choices, decisions and actions in advance. It’s very possible that certain decisions can lead you down one path, and other decisions will lead you down a completely different path. Both of these paths have consequences and certain outcomes that you must keep in mind. Some of these outcomes might lead you into an emotional tornado, while other outcomes might be a little more favorable.

Taking into consideration the short and long-term possibilities of your choices and decisions will put you in the driver’s seat of your life. Your mind will be prepared and ready to deal with numerous scenarios and situations. And when your mind is prepared, your emotions will be steady and you will respond proactively to the events and circumstances of your life. This will leave you feeling more calm and centered moving forward.

One of the best ways to identify the potential consequences of your choices and decisions is to simply take some time to sit and reflect in a quiet place. Just sit, and visualize “if I make this choice right now, it will most likely result in…”. Take time to consider all the possibilities, and then prepare yourself mentally and physically for all the possible outcomes.

No more shyness, How to overcome?

Overcoming Shyness

Overcoming shyness is not going to be a walk in the park. This isn’t an easy process. There are many fears and anxieties in the mix, and as such you may very well need to work through each of them individually. However, as with everything that’s of value, you will certainly make progress as long as you’re diligent and follow the process step-by-step.

Here is the four step process you can use to help you overcome your feelings of shyness:

Step One

Your very first step is to identify what it is you would like to achieve. Your desired objectives should initially be very simple and straightforward. For instance, you might set a goal to ask a stranger a question. After this initial encounter you could set another goal to have a two minute conversation with a stranger. Then from there you would set additional goals that will help you make even more progress. Ask yourself:

What is my end goal?

What would I like to be able to do socially?

What is my initial goal going to be? How can I get the ball rolling?

What goals must I progressively set to get to my end goal?

It doesn’t matter what your objective is, as long as you are clear about it and it helps you become more confident in social situations. Your end goal of course might be to connect and network with hundreds of people at a networking event sometime in the future. However, you will certainly need to build momentum progressively over time before this event, or otherwise you might end up being struck with fear and anxiety on the day.

Having identified your goals, you must now acknowledge the obstacles that are currently holding you back from taking positive steps moving forward. Ask yourself:

What specifically is holding me back from attaining my end goal?

How do I feel about this?

When it comes to shyness your obstacles are often internal and psychological. You might very well have unhelpful thinking styles that are dominating your thought patterns, or you could have limiting beliefs about a particular social situation, or it could come down to very narrow expectations of the social situation you are in. It’s very important that you are clear about each of these obstacles before moving forward. Ask yourself:

What specifically am I thinking about when it comes to this social situation?

What specifically am I saying to myself about the social situation and/or about my ability to handle this situation?

How is thinking and talking to myself in this way hurting me?

What about my beliefs? What do I believe about this situation?

What do I believe about myself in this situation?

What do I expect will happen when I enter this social situation?

Answering these questions will provide you with an in-depth understanding of your psychological tendencies when it comes to this particular social situation. The greater clarity you have about these things, the more effectively you will be able to work through these roadblocks successfully.

Step Two

It’s now time to take the answers you explored within the previous step and begin challenging your assumptions. We are of course assuming that the way you’re thinking and feeling about this particular social situation isn’t practical or helpful, and as such there must be a better way to think and feel about these potential scenarios. Explore these possibilities by asking yourself:

Is this a realistic way to view things?

Am I potentially ignoring or overlooking the facts?

How else could I view this situation?

It’s very possible that you are simply not seeing things clearly. You might in fact be viewing the situation in a very unrealistic and unhelpful way. There could potentially be things that you’re overlooking, and this is causing you to feel uncertain, fearful and anxious.

If you are finding it difficult to view the situation in a different light, then it’s important you willingly seek out other people’s opinions, perspectives and viewpoints. Find a trusted friend who makes you feel comfortable and secure, and ask them for their opinion and perspective about the social situation you are struggling with. Ask them to help you see the situation through their eyes. Mentally walk in their shoes for a moment and experience what they are experiencing as they make their way through this social situation.

The more helpful perspectives you gather about this social situation through your own explorations and by asking other people, the less of a hold your limiting beliefs and unhelpful thinking habits will have over your decisions and actions. However, even if after all this you are still feeling somewhat hesitant and reluctant, then ask yourself:

What’s the worst that could happen?

How will I handle this worst-case scenario? What’s my plan of action?

Who could potentially help me get through this?

Normally the worst that could happen isn’t as bad as you make it out to be. In fact, the worst-case scenario will rarely occur. And if it does, then at least you will be prepared for when it arrives. This alone can help you gain the necessary confidence you need to take a small step forward towards beating your feelings of shyness.

Step Three

You should now be ready to take small consistent steps daily towards your end goal. You must of course begin slowly and build momentum over time. This is very important. Jumping into things too soon can quickly raise your anxiety levels, and as a result you will immediately retreat into your comfort zone. To avoid this scenario, be sure to set realistic expectations.

Even if you took the time to thoroughly prepare for this social situation, it would still be reasonable to expect that you will feel a little anxious and that unexpected challenges might arise. This is okay. It’s okay to feel anxious. Anxiety will help you raise your levels of alertness. In fact, everything you do for the first time, or even things that you haven’t done for a long time are often riddled with anxiety and a little tension. These emotional experiences will eventually pass. However, it will take some time and you will need to gain some experience. The more experience you gain the greater confidence you will muster moving forward.

As you make plans to take small daily steps towards your end goal, take time to consider the following:

What specifically will I do socially today?

How will I do this thing?

Where specifically will I do it?

Who will potentially be there?

How long will I do it for?

When drawing up your plan of action it’s absolutely paramount that you take all these questions into consideration. These questions will allow you to be very specific about the small steps required to reach your end goal. For instance, you might decide to go to the supermarket and ask three strangers questions about an item in their shopping cart. You will do this in the shopping isle and you will interact with each person for a total of 30 to 60 seconds.

Once you have achieved your goal for that day, reward yourself and plan to take another positive step moving forward the very next day. However, be sure that tomorrow you do a little more. Maybe tomorrow you will speak with five people and ask them two or three questions about items within their shopping cart. Maybe you could even set a goal to talk with them for up to 90 seconds at a time.

As mentioned earlier, unexpected things will happen. People will not always be responsive to your questions. Some people might in fact be in a rush and don’t want to strike up conversations with random strangers. Other people might be having a very bad day and as a result they might be rude or ignore you all together. Don’t take this as a personal attack. These people are not out to get you. They are simply having a bad day and being rude and sometimes hurtful is a helpful way to release some tension. Just ignore these people. Walk away and find someone else you can talk to.

Step Four

The final step of this process is to learn from your experience. You might therefore choose to come home after your shopping expedition at your local supermarket and sit down with a pencil and pad and write out your thoughts, feelings and observations. In fact, here are some questions you might like to ask yourself about your experience:

How did things go today?

Did I accomplish what I set out to do?

What worked out well for me?

Where did I struggle?

What unexpected challenges did I face?

How did I handle these challenges?

How else could I have handled these challenges?

How could I improve things the next time around?

What will I do differently tomorrow?

What could I do more or better tomorrow?

There are many questions you could potentially ask. Hopefully these questions can get you started.

In the end, the most important thing is to learn the lessons from the experience you had today, and then to bring those lessons forward into your tomorrows. That’s the only way you will learn and grow and make progress to overcome shyness.


Preparing Yourself for Social Situations

There are certain things you can do on a daily basis that will help you feel more confident, self-assured and positive when it comes to putting yourself into social situations. Let’s take a look at some of these areas in a little detail:

Strengthen Your Physiology

How you use your body influences how you feel. How you feel influences your perceptions, and your perceptions likewise influence the decisions you make and the actions you take.

When in a shy state-of-mind, you will tend to be very hesitant. You will breath in a shallow manner and your movements will be extremely cautious. How are you ever going to make any progress socially if you approach social situations in this way?

Instead of being in a shy state, choose to be confident. In fact, fake your confidence. Have you ever heard of the saying: “fake it till you make it”? Well, living this way can be rather handy. Therefore instead of moving your body like a shy person would, practice moving your body as though you were confident and secure in your own skin. Ask yourself:

How would a confident person move their body?

How would a confident person stand?

How would a confident person sit?

How would a confident person’s body act in social situations?

What about facial expressions? What would they look like?

The answers to these questions will provide you with the guidelines you need to make the necessary adjustments to your physiology. However, it’s not enough to just know these things, actually take time to prepare and practice moving confidently at first by yourself, and later when in the company of others. If you need help, then simply close your eyes and visualize yourself in your imagination as being confident in social situations. However, don’t stop there. Also visualize being courageous, curious, patient and optimistic. All of these traits will help transform your physiology and help you to approach social situations with far more confidence and self-assurance.

Initially these changes will feel unnatural and forced. However, over time you will actually gain real confidence, and that’s when you will no longer feel as though you’re moving or acting unnaturally. Your confidence will simply become a part of who you are in social situations.

Stay Calm Under Pressure

When in social situations, you will have a tendency to feel a little anxious and uncertain. It’s easy to become overwhelmed with anxiety. However, it doesn’t need to be this way as long as you prepare yourself in advance.

Learn all you can about how to keep your emotions cool, calm and collected during pressures situations. This essentially boils down to developing the necessary emotional coping skills you will need when faced with criticism, rejection and when you make social missteps or mistakes.

You must face the fact that you will be rejected and you will make mistakes. It’s important not to dwell on these things. These things are a part of life and a part of growth and development. Learn from them and move on. Your past is only there to help you make better decisions in the future, not to make you feel miserable about yourself in the present moment.

There are many things you can do to keep yourself focused, centered and mindful of the present moment. One of these techniques is called progressive muscle relaxation. It can be used at times to help calm your body and center your mind. It works by progressively relaxing each muscle of your body starting from your toes and finishing at the tip of your head. It’s something that’s best accomplished lying down, however it can also be done standing up. Just close your eyes for a few moments and observe as a wave of calming energy projects from the earth into your toes and up through your body.

During these moments you are drawing your attention to the present. You are no longer thinking about what others will think, say or do. Instead you are focusing on being mindful of the moment. And this is what will help calm your emotions and allow you to gather your thoughts and move through the social situation with far less emotional upheaval.

Avoid Trying to be Perfect

There is no such thing as perfection. You will never be perfect. You can only do your very best and your very best will result in very different outcomes depending on the day and the social situation you find yourself in.

Don’t be hard on yourself when you make mistakes. Mistakes are a normal and natural part of life. In fact, the only way you’ll ever learn is when you make mistakes. It’s all a learning process that takes time, patience, dedication and effort. You will eventually get there, and you will not be perfect. That’s perfectly normal. Nobody is perfect, no matter how things appear on the surface.

Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others

Comparing yourself to other people when you’re lacking in confidence will only dishearten you and make you feel absolutely miserable. Instead, compare yourself to the best you can be. And even the best you can be will be different at different times. All you can do is try your best and then learn from this experience to do even better the next time around.

Don’t Label Yourself as Being “Shy”

Labeling yourself as being shy will often result in acting shy. Instead label yourself as confident, passionate and purposeful in your actions. Every day you step out into this world you are on a mission. There is real purpose and reason behind each of your actions. You have goals to achieve and things to do, and interacting with others on a social level is just a part of your job.

Remember that the labels you give yourself are nothing more then beliefs. Sometimes these beliefs are of your own making, while other times they are based on other people’s expectations of you. For instance, other people might have told you more then once that you’re shy. Initially you might not have labeled yourself in this way. However, over time as more and more people labeled you as being shy, you have began to believe this, and your initial introverted nature has turned into a social phobia that is interfering with your livelihood.

If you have a set of limiting beliefs that are causing you to view yourself as a shy person, then work through these beliefs by yourself or talk with someone about them. Ask a close and trusted friend to question this belief to help throw doubt in your mind about the validity of believing and thinking in this way.

Educate Yourself

Spend some time educating yourself about how to improve your social skills, your social etiquette, and your ability to handle conflict. Find out what you must do to become more assertive and confident. Also learn more about human nature and body language.

All of these skills will help improve your understanding of social situations. Likewise, they can help provide you with the confidence you need to work through awkward social challenges far more successfully.


Take Positive Action

Once you have done all the groundwork, you are now ready to step out into this world and begin connecting with people on a social level. This by all means doesn’t mean that you are out of the woods and won’t fall back into your old patterns. This could very well happen, and as such you must prepare for this possibility. What it does mean is that you are ready to continue making progressive steps that will help you gain the confidence you need to make your way successfully within this social world.

Here are some suggestions that will help you keep building the momentum you need to overcome your feelings of shyness:

Make an Effort to Meet New People

Every day you get out of bed, make a resolution that you will go out and meet new people. This of course doesn’t mean you must go out of your way to introduce yourself to someone new. It doesn’t need to be this difficult. Instead, when you visit your local store to do some shopping, choose to talk to the clerk or to another customer. While you’re walking your dog smile at a stranger and ask them how their day has been. Or if you’re at the gym, volunteer to help someone with their workout, or ask a stranger to give you some pointers and tips to help improve your workout regime.

Meeting new people is easy and can be quite effortless without you needing to go the extra mile. However, you will need to at the very least make an effort to get out of the house. You can only meet new people in the world outside the boundaries of your lounge room.

Seek Out Positive Role Models

Regularly take the time to seek out support from people who are confident and socially active. Use them as positive role models to help you continue developing your confidence in social situations.

Having friends who are socially outgoing will encourage you to get out more often and connect with others. These people will not only provide you with a good example you can follow, but they can also introduce you to other like-minded individuals who can become part of your growing support network.

View Everything as a Learning Experience

No matter what happens to you, view it as nothing more then a learning experience.

Things will not go as you had expected. In fact, things might at times work out much worse then you expected. And that’s perfectly okay. It doesn’t matter what happens to you as long as you use this experience to help you grow, develop and improve yourself in the future.

Guidelines for Socializing

There are certain things you can do that will help you develop deeper and more meaningful connections with other people.

For starters, while you’re socializing make an effort to smile more often. Smile sincerely from the heart as you listen to people. Your smile will make them feel more comfortable, and they will likewise become more responsive to you and to the questions you ask them.

The one thing that’s more powerful then a smile is the focus, attention and the eye-contact you give another person while conversing with them. Giving good eye-contact doesn’t mean staring at the other person. You have to be gentle with your gaze and show the other person that you’re interested in what they are saying.

It’s also important to ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are questions that encourage more then a “Yes” or “No” answer. These questions are often insightful and dig ever so deeper into the conversation. They will get the other person talking about their life, problems and circumstances in fascinating and unexpected ways. And once you have them there talking about themselves, continue building by asking even more open-ended questions to help stimulate further conversation.

Finally, focus on being helpful. Most people are only thinking about themselves and their problems. It’s rare to find someone who listens insightfully to your problems and then offers to help in some way. Help by giving advice; help by sharing your own experiences; help by introducing them to someone who might be able to assist; help by sharing an inspiring quote; help by giving them a title of a self-help book, etc. There are many ways to help. Just be open to the possibilities.

Don’t Over-Analyze Situations

Remember that it’s important not to take things personally. Everyone has their bad days, and some people are just naturally grumpy, rude and inconsiderate of others. No matter what these people do and no matter how they respond to you, don’t take it personally.

It’s also important not to try and over-analyze the situation by justifying how and why things transpired the way they did. Getting lost in these kinds of details will only derail your efforts. Instead focus on moving on and building your confidence through repetition and consistent effort over time.

The more times you talk to a stranger, the more confidence you will have while talking with strangers. The experience you gain will help reduce your feelings of anxiety, and over time you will acquire the confidence you need to hold a conversation with a stranger without much effort and emotional turmoil.

Join Groups and Volunteer Your Time

There’s probably no better way to overcome shyness then to join a group of like-minded individuals who share your passions and interests. For instance you could join a hobby group, a book club, or a discussion group in your area. Partaking within these groups will provide you with an opportunity to begin feeling more confident in social situations.

If however you want to raise the stakes a little, then you might like to join a theater company or a small production house where you will be encouraged to fine-tune your acting skills. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, then another great option is Toastmasters. Toastmasters is a worldwide public speaking organization. It’s for beginner, intermediate and advanced speakers who want to improve their craft. However, it’s not just for speakers. It’s for anyone who wants to improve their confidence.

The great thing about Toastmasters is that you can join the group and there’s no pressure for you to participate. You can participate at any time and in whatever capacity you choose. It’s all up to you. Sit and watch other people overcome their fears of public speaking first, and then when you’re ready, join in at your pace. Not only will you get a chance to speak within a group setting, but you will also get an opportunity to connect with other like-minded people on a personal level.

Finally, sometimes the best environments for connecting with other people is when you volunteer your time to a good cause. The great thing about this option is that your work (the time you volunteer) becomes your social learning playground. Nobody is going to judge you, nobody is going to criticize you. It’s all about serving a greater cause, and everyone’s help is greatly valued and appreciated.

As you can see, there are many opportunities available to help you overcome shyness. Take them, use them, embrace them. There is a world full of possibilities and potential. It’s up to you to grasp it with open arms and a big fat smile on your face. Leave shyness in the past and embrace a more positive, exciting and extraordinary life.

72 Ideas to Simplify Your Life Today

The Short List

For the cynics who say that the list below is too long, there are really only two steps to simplifying:

  1. Identify what’s most important to you.
  2. Eliminate everything else.

Of course, that’s not terribly useful unless you can see how to apply that to different areas of your life, so I present to you the Long List.

The Long List

There can be no step-by-step guide to simplifying your life, but I’ve compiled an incomplete list of ideas that should help anyone trying to find the simple life. Not every tip will work for you — choose the ones that appeal and apply to your life.

One important note: this list will be criticized for being too complicated, especially as it provides a bunch of links. Don’t stress out about all of that. Just choose one at a time, and focus on that. When you’re done with that, focus on the next thing.

  1. Make a list of your top 4-5 important things. What’s most important to you? What do you value most? What 4-5 things do you most want to do in your life? Simplifying starts with these priorities, as you are trying to make room in your life so you have more time for these things.
  2. Evaluate your commitments. Look at everything you’ve got going on in your life. Everything, from work to home to civic to kids’ activities to hobbies to side businesses to other projects. Think about which of these really gives you value, which ones you love doing. Which of these are in line with the 4-5 most important things you listed above? Drop those that aren’t in line with those things.
  3. Evaluate your time. How do you spend your day? What things do you do, from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep? Make a list, and evaluate whether they’re in line with your priorities. If not, eliminate the things that aren’t, and focus on what’s important. Redesign your day.
  4. Simplify work tasks. Our work day is made up of an endless list of work tasks. If you simply try to knock off all the tasks on your to-do list, you’ll never get everything done, and worse yet, you’ll never get the important stuff done. Focus on the essential tasks and eliminate the rest.
  5. Simplify home tasks. In that vein, think about all the stuff you do at home. Sometimes our home task list is just as long as our work list. And we’ll never get that done either. So focus on the most important, and try to find ways to eliminate the other tasks (automate, eliminate, delegate, or hire help).
  6. Learn to say no. This is actually one of the key habits for those trying to simplify their lives. If you can’t say no, you will take on too much.
  7. Limit your communications. Our lives these days are filled with a vast flow of communications: email, IM, cell phones, paper mail, Skype, Twitter, forums, and more. It can take up your whole day if you let it. Instead, put a limit on your communications: only do email at certain times of the day, for a certain number of minutes (I recommend twice a day, but do what works for you). Only do IM once a day, for a limited amount of time. Limit phone calls to certain times too. Same with any other communications. Set a schedule and stick to it.
  8. Limit your media consumption. This tip won’t be for everyone, so if media consumption is important to you, please skip it (as with any of the other tips). However, I believe that the media in our lives — TV, radio, Internet, magazines, etc. — can come to dominate our lives. Don’t let it. Simplify your life and your information consumption by limiting it.
  9. Purge your stuff. If you can devote a weekend to purging the stuff you don’t want, it feels seriously terrific. Get boxes and trash bags for the stuff you want to donate or toss.
  10. Get rid of the big items. There’s tons of little clutter in our lives, but if you start with the big items, you’ll simplify your life quickly and in a big way.
  11. Edit your rooms. One room at a time, go around the room and eliminate the unnecessary. Act as a newspaper editor, trying to leave only the minimum, and deleting everything else.
  12. Edit closets and drawers. Once you’ve gone through the main parts of your rooms, tackle the closets and drawers, one drawer or shelf at a time.
  13. Simplify your wardrobe. Is your closet bursting full? Are your drawers so stuffed they can’t close (I’m talking about dresser drawers here, not underwear). Simplify your wardrobe by getting rid of anything you don’t actually wear. Try creating a minimal wardrobe by focusing on simple styles and a few solid colors that all match each other.
  14. Simplify your computing life. If you have trouble with too many files and too much disorganization, consider online computing. It can simplify things greatly.
  15. Declutter your digital packrattery. If you are a digital packrat, and cannot seem to control your digital clutter, there is still hope for you.
  16. Create a simplicity statement. What do you want your simple life to look like? Write it out. 
  17. Limit your buying habits. If you are a slave to materialism and consumerism, there are ways to escape it. I was there, and although I haven’t escaped these things entirely, I feel much freer of it all. If you can escape materialism, you can get into the habit of buying less. And that will mean less stuff, less spending, less freneticism.
  18. Free up time. Find ways to free up time for the important stuff. That means eliminating the stuff you don’t like, cutting back on time wasters, and making room for what you want to do.
  19. Do what you love. Once you’ve freed up some time, be sure to spend that extra time doing things you love. Go back to your list of 4-5 important things. Do those, and nothing else.
  20. Spend time with people you love. Again, the list of 4-5 important things probably contains some of the people you love (if not, you may want to re-evaluate). Whether those people are a spouse, a partner, children, parents, other family, best friends, or whoever, find time to do things with them, talk to them, be intimate with them (not necessarily in sexual ways).
  21. Spend time alone. See this list of ways to free up time for yourself — to spend in solitude. Alone time is good for you, although some people aren’t comfortable with it. It could take practice getting used to the quiet, and making room for your inner voice. It sounds new-agey, I know, but it’s extremely calming. And this quiet is necessary for finding out what’s important to you.
  22. Eat slowly. If you cram your food down your throat, you are not only missing out on the great taste of the food, you are not eating healthy. Slow down to lose weight, improve digestion, and enjoy life more.
  23. Drive slowly. Most people rush through traffic, honking and getting angry and frustrated and stressed out. And endangering themselves and others in the meantime. Driving slower is not only safer, but it is better on your fuel bill, and can be incredibly peaceful. Give it a try.
  24. Be present. These two words can make a huge difference in simplifying your life. Living here and now, in the moment, keeps you aware of life, of what is going on around you and within you. It does wonders for your sanity.
  25. Streamline your life. Many times we live with unplanned, complex systems in our lives because we haven’t given them much thought. Instead, focus on one system at a time (your laundry system, your errands system, your paperwork system, your email system, etc.) and try to make it simplified, efficient, and written. Then stick to it. 
  26. Create a simple mail & paperwork system. If you don’t have a system, this stuff will pile up. But a simple system will keep everything in order.
  27. Create a simple system for house work. Another example of a simple system is clean-as-you-go with a burst.
  28. Clear your desk. If you have a cluttered desk, it can be distracting and disorganized and stressful. A clear desk, however, is only a couple of simple habits away.
  29. Establish routines. The key to keeping your life simple is to create simple routines.
  30. Keep your email inbox empty. Is your email inbox overflowing with new and read messages? Do the messages just keep piling up? If so, you’re normal — but you could be more efficient and your email life could be simplified with a few simple steps.
  31. Learn to live frugally. Living frugally means buying less, wanting less, and leaving less of a footprint on the earth. It’s directly related to simplicity.
  32. Make your house minimalist. A minimalist house has what is necessary, and not much else. It’s also extremely peaceful (not to mention easy to clean).
  33. Find other ways to be minimalist. There are tons. You can find ways to be minimalist in every area of your life. 
  34. Consider a smaller home. If you rid your home of stuff, you might find you don’t need so much space. I’m not saying you should live on a boat (although I know some people who happily do so), but if you can be comfortable in a smaller home, it will not only be less expensive, but easier to maintain, and greatly simplify your life.
  35. Consider a smaller car. This is a big move, but if you have a large car or SUV, you may not really need something that big. It’s more expensive, uses more gas, harder to maintain, harder to park. Simplify your life with less car. You don’t need to go tiny, especially if you have a family, but try to find as small a car as can fit you or your family comfortably. Maybe not something you’re going to do today, but something to think about over the long term.
  36. Learn what “enough” is. Our materialistic society today is about getting more and more, with no end in sight. Sure, you can get the latest gadget, and more clothes and shoes. More stuff. But when will you have enough? Most people don’t know, and thus they keep buying more. It’s a neverending cycle. Get off the cycle by figuring out how much is enough. And then stop when you get there.
  37. Create a simple weekly dinner menu. If figuring out what’s for dinner is a nightly stressor for you or your family, consider creating a weekly menu. Decide on a week’s worth of simple dinners, set a specific dinner for each night of the week, go grocery shopping for the ingredients. Now you know what’s for dinner each night, and you have all the ingredients necessary. No need for difficult recipes — find ones that can be done in 10-15 minutes (or less).
  38. Eat healthy. It might not be obvious how eating healthy relates to simplicity, but think about the opposite: if you eat fatty, greasy, salty, sugary, fried foods all the time, you are sure to have higher medical needs over the long term. We could be talking years from now, but imagine frequent doctor visits, hospitalization, going to the pharmacist, getting therapy, having surgery, taking insulin shots … you get the idea. Being unhealthy is complicated. Eating healthy simplifies all of that greatly, over the long term.
  39. Exercise. This goes along the same lines as eating healthy, as it simplifies your life in the long run, but it goes even further: exercise helps burn off stress and makes you feel better. It’s great.
  40. Declutter before organizing. Many people make the mistake of taking a cluttered desk or filing cabinet or closet or drawer, and trying to organize it. Unfortunately, that’s not only hard to do, it keeps things complicated. Simplify the process by getting rid of as much of the junk as possible, and then organizing. If you declutter enough, you won’t need to organize at all.
  41. Have a place for everything. Age-old advice, but it’s the best advice on keeping things organized. After you declutter.
  42. Find inner simplicity. I’m not much of a spiritual person, but I have found that spending a little time with my inner self creates a peaceful simplicity rather than a chaotic confusion. This could be time praying or communing with God, or time spent meditating or journaling or getting to know yourself, or time spent in nature. However you do it, working on your inner self is worth the time.
  43. Learn to decompress from stress. Every life is filled with stress — no matter how much you simplify your life, you’ll still have stress (except in the case of the ultimate simplifier, death). So after you go through stress, find ways to decompress.
  44. Try living without a car. OK, this isn’t something I’ve done, but many others have. It’s something I would do if I didn’t have kids. Walk, bike, or take public transportation. It reduces expenses and gives you time to think. A car is also very complicating, needing not only car payments, but insurance, registration, safety inspections, maintenance, repairs, gas and more.
  45. Find a creative outlet for self-expression. Whether that’s writing, poetry, painting, drawing, creating movies, designing websites, dance, skateboarding, whatever. We have a need for self-expression, and finding a way to do that makes your life much more fulfilling. Allow this to replace much of the busy-work you’re eliminating from your life.
  46. Simplify your goals. Instead of having half a dozen goals or more, simplify it to one goal. Not only will this make you less stressed, it will make you more successful. You’ll be able to focus on that One Goal, and give it all of your energy. That gives you much better chances for success.
  47. Single-task. Multi-tasking is more complicated, more stressful, and generally less productive. Instead, do one task at a time.
  48. Simplify your filing system. Stacking a bunch of papers just doesn’t work. But a filing system doesn’t have to be complicated to be useful. Create a simple system.
  49. Develop equanimity. If every little thing that happens to you sends you into anger or stress, your life might never be simple. Learn to detach yourself, and be more at peace.
  50. Reduce your consumption of advertising. Advertising makes us want things. That’s what it’s designed to do, and it works. Find ways to reduce your exposure of advertising, whether that’s in print, online, broadcast, or elsewhere. You’ll want much less.
  51. Live life more deliberately. Do every task slowly, with ease, paying full attention to what you’re doing.
  52. Make a Most Important Tasks (MITs) list each day. Set just 3 very important things you want to accomplish each day. Don’t start with a long list of things you probably won’t get done by the end of the day. A simple list of 3 things, ones that would make you feel like you accomplished something.
  53. Create morning and evening routines. A great way to simplify your life is to create routines at the start and end of your day.
  54. Create a morning writing ritual. If you enjoy writing, like I do, make it a peaceful, productive ritual.
  55. Learn to do nothing. Doing nothing can be an art form, and it should be a part of every life.
  56. Read Walden, by Thoreau. The quintessential text on simplifying.
  57. Go for quality, not quantity. Try not to have a ton of stuff in your life … instead, have just a few possessions, but ones that you really love, and that will last for a long time.
  58. Read Simplify Your Life, by Elaine St. James. One of my favorite all-time authors on simplicity.
  59. Fill your day with simple pleasures. Make a list of your favorite simple pleasures, and sprinkle them throughout your day.
  60. Simplify your RSS feeds. If you’ve got dozens of feeds, or more than a hundred (as I once did), you probably have a lot of stress in trying to keep up with them all. Simplify your feed reading.
  61. But subscribe to Unclutterer. Probably the best blog on simplifying your stuff and routines (along with Zen Habits, of course!).
  62. Create an easy-to-maintain yard. If you spend too much time on your yard.
  63. Carry less stuff. Are your pockets bulging. Consider carrying only the essentials.
  64. Simplify your online life. If you have too much going on online, here are a few ways to simplify it all.
  65. Strive to automate your income. This isn’t the easiest task, but it can (and has) been done. I’ve been working towards it myself.
  66. Simplify your budget. Many people skip budgeting (which is very important) because it’s too hard or too complicated.
  67. Simplify your financial life. Article from a financial planning expert
  68. Learn to pack light. Who wants to lug a bunch of luggage around on a trip?
  69. Use a minimalist productivity system. The minimal Zen To Doneis all you need. Everything else is icing.
  70. Leave space around things in your day. Whether they’re appointments, or things you need to do, don’t stack them back-to-back. Leave a little space between things you need to do, so you will have room for contingencies, and you’ll go through your day much more relaxed.
  71. Live closer to work. This might mean getting a job closer to your home, or moving to a home closer to your work. Either will do much to simplify your life.
  72. Always ask: Will this simplify my life? If the answer is no, reconsider.